Hello class, and welcome to another edition of Cut Throat Business Tactics. Last time you’ll remember we covered how to force your fighters into re-signing with your organization, or failing that drag them down into obscurity by benching them for over half a year. This is a great tactic for lowballing fighters who still want to stay in your organization, but what about when a fighter wants nothing more to do with you than expose your evil business dealings?
That’s a good question, and fortunately Zuffa has once again provided us with a textbook example of what to do in that situation. In this case you’ve got beloved sports figure Randy Couture planning a press conference to tell people how bad the UFC sucks. Here’s what the UFC did to handle the situation:
1) Blamed the whole situation on Randy’s ‘Hollywood agent”. This is a brilliant case of deflection because, as we said, Randy is practically a saint in MMA. Shit-talking Randy Couture is akin to shit-talking Jesus himself. But everyone hates agents … ‘Hollywood’ agents doubly as much. By blaming this whole situation on a sleazy agent, Dana White is free to say whatever he wants without seeming like a gargantuan cock, and still pretend he’s BFF with Couture.
2) Invite Randy back to the negotiating table, and say things like you’ve “never said no to Randy Couture”. This sidesteps the issues of respect and dishonesty. In fact, it makes people forget that the only reason Randy would have to come back to the table is because his original contract might well have been written on a 2 foot dildo they subsequently raped him with.
3) Randy Couture planning a press conference to counter your PR spins? Who cares. You’re way better at press conferences, so why not throw an even bigger one 30 minutes before Randy’s? At best most press outfits will have to choose one of the two and will choose yours instead of his. At worst you can release enough positive news to bury whatever Randy has to say out from the headlines.