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Alexis Vila ‘committed a terrorist act’

Bas Rutten gained much adulation from us during his days as PRIDE announcer when he called his hands “left truck” and “right truck”. Henceforth, however, all MMA fighters are banned from trying to look clever by likening their hands to motor vehicles because of Alexis Vila’s recent appearance on The MMA Hour. Vila, currently everyone’s best friend for knocking out Joe Warren (whoever defeats Jon Fitch will be similary beloved), describes how he was in prison for three years after making national news for crashing his SUV into the terminal at Fort Lauderdale’s airport:

“I was in prison for three years. It’s no good. I’m a little guy so people who don’t know me try things all the time. So I fought a lot. They didn’t believe that I could fight. I said when I get out and I fight I’m going to be the champ.”

In 2004 Vila crashed his SUV into a crowded terminal at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. No one was hurt, and Vila has always maintained that it was simply an accident. But authorities initially believed Vila had committed a terrorist act, and charged Vila with committing airport violence, a felony that could have put him in prison for 20 years. He eventually pleaded guilty in exchange for a lesser sentence.

Vila was charged with “committing airport violence”; evidently, if no one is hurt, it still counts as “violence” these days, at least in the good ol’ US of A. It was just an accident and the whole thing was nothing more than a little misunderstanding that just happened to involve several tons of broken glass and twisted metal, but it happened in 2004, and those crotchety old American federal agents still had their panties in a bunch after that silly business from 2001. So if you happen to be a suspicious shade of Not White, I’d keep your gas and your brake pedals sorted while driving through the pick up lane of the airport.

All of this certainly makes it easy to understand how Vila has been inspired to go positively apeshit in his undefeated 10-0 MMA campaign so far, not letting a fight go to decision since his second fight in 2008. There’s nothing like being locked in an overglorified animal shelter with nothing but convicted felons when you weigh 135 pounds to provide that motivation to kick ass.

  • CAP

    Pretty sure that was assault on Warren too!

  • agentsmith

    Investigators found no skid marks where the SUV jumped the curb, crossed the sidewalk and crashed through the terminal until stopped by a wall.

    WTF?  Did he fall asleep at the wheel or what?

  • frickshun

    Dick–>let me be the 1st to say with complete sincerity “Thanks for a story we care about & keeping the write-up straight forward.” I actually thought it was Ryan til I scrolled back up.

  • agentsmith

    ^ Except the part where he linked the same articles twice each.  Dick loves links even more than me.

  • Fitdaws

    “Simply an accident” Although they caught him trying to escape……hmm??

  • dick

    frickshun- Fuck you; I still hate you. Die.
    agentsmith- I didn’t do it, it was the editor, lol.

  • Danjo

    A stint in poke-me-in-the-ass-prison (PMITAP) will do that to a guy.

    I’d like to say Alexis always won….

  • frickshun

    Smithers–>I don’t click on links. That’s for people with tons of free time.
    Dick–>I want my varsity jacket back.