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Reverend Clint

Jon Bitch

MMAJunkie has an interview with Jon “Nyquil” Fitch in which he blames everybody but himself for being poor. He blames the economy, sponsors, low appearance fees, his 2 mortgages, being injured and living in California.

Well right off the bat I can solve a few of his problems… move the fuck out of California. I’m planning on leaving myself and I’m poor as fuck. This asshat bought a condo and then another house for him and his boring ass baby. He could move practically anywhere in the country, he could move the MMA mecca Las Vegas for super cheap since they are practically giving away houses there. Move back to bum fuck Indiana where it all began. You have opportunities and flexibility unlike many Americans. Pack up your truck, boat and whatever else you bought and skip town. You mention Koscheck living in Fresno and it being too far to visit. THEN MOVE. I spent 2 seconds on Craigslist and found a 4 bed, 2 bath house for under $180K just outside Fresno. Sure its not easy to move with a kid but my family did it.

Moving on to sponsors and appearances… maybe you should become less boring. Finish a fight or even fight a fight once in a while. The only companies that will sponsor you are Sanofi-Aventis, makers of Ambien, and who ever the fuck makes urinal cakes. You are so boring that when you fight John Kerry leaves the room to take a piss. Nobody wants to be associated with a loser. And nobody want a losers autograph, just ask Ken Shamrock. Sure the economy is in the crapper but you get paid mad money to lay on other men.

As to injuries and loses… come on man. Suck it up and quit playing the blame game. Bad shit happens to good people and bad shit happens to you too.

Little people can’t finish

via CagePotato click on the image to see it full size

CagePotato posted an interesting graph on the rate of finishes by weight class. Seems to show that the smaller you are the less likely to finish a fight. This seems to disprove Joseph Benavidez claim that “I can definitely hit harder than Bisping.” Frankie Edgar moving to childweight Featherweight is not going to help the 53% UD average. What percentage of the Welterweight UD’s are from Fitch and GSP?

This graph shows that being fast and light probably means you receive less strikes than guys who move around like “Young Dinosaurs.” Also wrestling is far more prevalent in the lighter weight classes which leads to potentially less ko/tko finishes. Submission finishes does go up though, probably because tiny people need something to defend themselves with since baby hands just don’t cut it. The casual fan prefers finishes and action which is why since the beginning of MMA bigger fighters have always been more popular.

Boring Trifecta

MMA goes Porno

Every MMA fans dream

I’m a talentless hack so here are some Photoshops to get that dirty mind going. Some of these are kinda hot, some of them are just unfortunate.

Here’s a link to the originals and a link to the logo if you want to do some of your own. Get creative, the weirder the better.

More after the jump!

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Dana White fires Jason “Mayhem” Miller

 

NO HOMO

Yahoo! News reports that Mayhem was cut because of what sounds like homophobia:

“When you get embarrassed the way he did against Michael Bisping, then you show up in that pink whatever that thing was, I’m not into that stuff,” said White. “It’s not my thing. I guess I don’t really care if guys do it because you see it at weigh-ins all the time. Just take this thing serious. If you want to be a clown do that stuff on your reality show.”

A little birdy made a good point about this:

“By ‘not your thing’ do you mean ‘I dont take cock up the ass’ not my thing or ‘I hate the color pink because queers use it’ not my thing?”

Fire a guy because he sucks or his junk popped out of his Speedo or he beats the shit out of his wife. Don’t fire a guy for dressing up in a goofy costume to entertain people when you let so many other fighters do the same. I’m pretty sure Dana didn’t actually fire him because he hates the gays but it is a little suspect.

Arianny: Criminal Updated

She already looks good in orange

MMABAY.co.uk is reporting that UFC Ring Girl and occasional nudist had been arrested early on Saturday, May 26th. She was popped for domestic violence of all things.  She has subsequently been released. Luckily she can now attend the UFC 146 card in a bikini instead of an orange jumpsuit, though that might be hot.

Uncle Dana posted a little about his golden girl on twitter:

“Arianny is our baby. She has been with us for over 5 years. She’s a good girl and an amazing ambassador for the UFC. I don’t know all the details of what happened but we have her back and support her 100-percent.”

My hypothesis, since theories have been proven, is that she beat the shit out of Tiki. Are they still together? Who the fuck cares/knows but that’s what I’m going with. Please share your hypothesis in the comments, who ever is closest gets a free HJ from Ryan.

UPDATE: I got some real info from a real news source, MMAJunkie.

According to records with the Clark County inmate database, the 26-year old Celeste was booked into the Clark County Detention Center under her real name, Arianny Lopez, at 7:30 a.m.

She was held on $3,000 bail and released after 7 p.m. PT. Celeste is slated for a hearing on May 30.

 

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