Whilst cruising the web for home appliance porn I found this review of what must be one of the most terrible movies ever made. Boy would I love to see it.
Crack-smoking school headmasters, fist-pumping dirt collectors, cheese-sniffing mustache trimmers, I present to you…
Maximal Overload II: Revenge of Bloodcats!
Danny Devito (novel)
George Bernard Shore (screenplay)
Tank Abbot (scrawled on beer mats)
Genre: Action / Thriller / War / Homosexual Allegory / Romance / Comedy (more)
Tagline: The Bloodcats have battled the ancient warriors of Earth. But now they must face General Hardpain, and he is really cheesed off!
Plot Summary: Every 10,000 years the Bloodcats return from the planet Bloodcatius to attack the Earth, waging war in a secret battle against Earth’s guardians, the American Super Heroic Force of Ultimate Power, or ASH-FUP. This time, the Bloodcats weren’t bargaining on General Hardpain leading a hard-bitten team of Vietnam war vets against them in the ultimate battle to the death, for the universe, once and for all. In space. General Hardpain is a closet… (more) (view trailer)
Plot Keywords: Vietnam Vets combining to form Vigilante Group / Secret Battle / Cities being Destroyed or Eaten / Aliens are Awesome / Muscled Men Cracking Skulls / Powerful High Five / Gun Blasting at Shit / War Vets being all Fucked Up and Gay and Shit (more)
User Comments: dude this shit totally blew me away. Dan Severn as General Hardpain gave me a constant killboner that I had to get it surgically removed twice… (more)
User Rating: .67.9/10 (3 votes)
Cast overview, first billed only:
Dan Severn … General Hardpain
Tank Abbot … Randolf “Buster” Hagglepuss (“Bustapuss”)
Kimo … Mandrake P. Beeftraps (“Jiggles”)
Scott Ferrozo … Vladimir Kyuchenko (“Russky”)
Harold Howard … Malachai Flifterpoop (“Bloodneck”)
Rorion Gracie … Sancho Muy Gusto (“Nacho Face”)
Ken Shamrock … Percy Higgins (“The Toff”)
Danny Devito … Robert Crumblewhips (“Tubgirl”)
Also Known As:
Ayayay! El Muerto di Felinio Spacio! (MEX)
Hypa Battoru Space Kirra Panchee (JAP)
Spoy Galactica Misil(RUS)
Dat Ol’ Liver Punch! (BAS)
Runtime: 15 min.
Country: USA / AMERICA / STATES / KENTUCKY / MEXICO / GRoo
Language: AMERICAN / BLOODCATOLIO / RAP
Aspect Ratio: n/a
Sound Mix: zzzap!
- The Bloodcat props from the first movie (“Maximal Overload 1: Meet the Bloodcats”) were recovered from the estate of MC Hammer who had purchased them before going bankrupt. They were covered in “unidentifiable stains and bizarre bite marks”. When questioned on the matter, MC Hammer replied by spinning around on his heels, grabbing his parachute pants, then bending over and talking from between his legs, saying “What happens in Hammerland stays in Hammerland, comprende amigos?”
- Director trademark: Repeated cuts to scenes of cows stamping on bags of blood while someone plays the banjo.
- Dan Severn would suplex the scriptwriter daily until he made General Hardpain’s lines “more awesome.”
- Tank Abbot drank absolutely anything that was put in front of him on set. The crew experimented at various times with straight vodka, then toilet water, then acid, and finally the sweat from Ken Shamrock’s unitard. As he slurped this last one down Abbot was heard to remark, “Fruity!” before kicking a horse in the face and staggering onto the set to deliver his Oscar-winning performance.
- Director trademark: Boat race scene involving hoofed animals at the wheels of high-powered speedboats.
- Actor’s Trademark: Ken Shamrock kissing his biceps and saying “Check out the hardware” during a family member’s funeral.
- The motorcycle that Scott Ferrozo makes sweet, sweet love to in the deleted “bike orgy” scenes was put up for auction on eBay but removed again after no bids were received.
- Kimo once walked on set with a syringe dangling out of his eyeball. When questioned on it he reached up sheepishly, grabbed it, and ate it whilst snarling.
- Harold Howard and Rorion Gracie shared a trailer. Rorion commissioned a sign that said “If this trailer’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’ because I am teaching him Gracie Zhu Zhitsu the most effective form of self defence in the world. For more information visit www.graciejiujitsu.com. After that we will have sex.”
- Continuity: In the opening sequence General Hardpain is chopping down a tree with his moustache when a helicopter arrives. The camera cuts to the helicopter and to Captain Steel-Eagle doing a backflip out of it while lighting a cigar. When the camera cuts back to Hardpain, he is sawing off an elephant’s leg using frozen banana. Quick cut back to Steel-Eagle who high-fives Hardpain who is now wearing shorts and sunglasses on a tropical beach.
- Factual errors: During the third space battle scene between the Bloodcat Overloads and the ASH-FUP squad, the American Heroes are seen jumping, breathing and making love in the vacuum of space.
- Continuity: In the scene where Tank Abbot and Kimo discuss the raid on the subterranean Bloodcat Headquarters on the home world of Bloodcatius, there are numerous continuity errors. First of all the two are swimming and communicating via sign language. Suddenly it cuts to a tennis court where two antelopes are playing chess. Cut back to Bloodcatius and Kimo is discussing weightlifting with a plate of cow’s innards. Zoom in on the innards and then zoom out to reveal Kimo and Abbot wearing clown costumes that are on fire.
- Crew or equipment visible: Rorion Gracie’s ears are clearly visible in all of his scenes despite repeated attempts to airbrush them out with CGI.
- Revealing mistakes: When Ken Shamrock is having his mind melted by the Bloodcat Deathmaster, he picks up Dan Severn and snaps him in half. At the moment that Severn’s moustache cracks open you can see the fabric of spacetime showing through the hole despite the crew’s best efforts to plug it up with earwax.
MFMDB Memorable Quotes:
Space Technician: Earth to bloodcats, earth to bloodcats, requesting a hailing frequency. Let’s diplomacise…
General Hardpain (twiddling his moustache): You’re wasting your time, man. These guys can’t understand you. Their just cats. Bloodcats, to be precise.
Space Technician: You’re right, general. What should we do?
General Hardpain (slapping his thigh and nodding): Let’s give em a warm American welcome, waddya say?
Space Technician: You mean like apple pie and a smile?
General Hardpain: No you freakin’ communist. I mean a mother-crunching hyperblast right between the eyes! Right Bustapuss? (Bustapuss and General Hardpain high five and then maim a regular Earth cat.)
Malachai Flifterpoop (“Bloodneck”): Dude, that was the most awesomest space battle I have ever been in.
Sancho Muy Gusto (“Nacho face”): I had a killboner for, like, the whole time.
Percy Higgins (“The Toff”): Crikey! Didn’t we give those pesky felines what for eh what what?
(The three of them high five each other’s nuts. Percy Higgins’ hand lingers for a second too long on Nacho Face’s package. They exchange a tentative and warm glance.)
Sancho Muy Gusto (“Nacho face”): Getting a little close for comfort there British.
Percy Higgins (“The Toff”) (suggestively): Too close for who?
Malachai Flifterpoop (“Bloodneck”) (cutting through the homo-erotic tension): Hey! Fellas! Knock it off! Need I remind you that there are Bloodcats out there? Bloodcats!
Sancho Muy Gusto (“Nacho face”): Huh. Bloodcats.
Percy Higgins (“The Toff”): I certainly do despise bloodcats.
Vladimir Kyuchenko (“Russky”) (emerging from a sleep-chamber with a towel around his waist): Vat is it vit you Yanks? Can’t you keep it down for just one space minute?
(The Toff, Nacho Face and Bloodneck look at each other for a moment then burst out laughing before whipping out their space blasters and blasting Russky repeatedly in the face and body. Russky moans and dies.)
Percy Higgins (“The Toff”) (still laughing): Ship, start cloning another Russky would you? He got cheeky again.
Ship’s Computer (sighing sarcastically): Another one?
(They burst out laughing again and randomly blast parts of the ship.)
Bloodcat Deathmaster (melting the minds of Earth’s world leaders): I AM BLOODMASTER!
General Hardpain: No! No Deathmaster! Can’t you see the futility of what you are doing?
Bloodcat Deathmaster: I ONLY SEE PAIN.
General Hardpain (edges nervously towards Bloodcat Deathmaster’s sensory gland, carefully avoiding its mind-melting gland): But can’t you feel it… I love you. I’ve always loved you.
Bloodcat Deathmaster (still melting everyone’s minds): LOVE? WHAT IS THIS LOVE?
General Hardpain: Here, melt my mind. I will die, but I can show you the true meaning of humanity’s love in the process.
Percy Higgins: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Bloodcat Deathmaster: VERY WELL. (The Bloodcat Deathmaster melts General Hardpain’s mind then continues the total destruction of earth without even thinking twice about it.)
Malachai Flifterpoop (“Bloodneck”) (lighting a cigar): Well, I guess that’s about the end of things.
Mandrake P. Beeftraps (“Jiggles”) (surveying the carnage being laid upon the earth by the giant alien monster): I guess it is, homeboy. I guess it is. Well, it’s time. There’s only one thing left to do…
(the surviving members of Earth’s last defences simultanously backflip and high five. Suddenly guitars materialise in their hands and they begin to play along to Sweet Dreams Are Made of This by the Eurythmics. They play on defiantly even as the Bloodcat Deathmaster directs his mind-melting ray at them and their minds get all melted and shit. Finish with a slow zoom in on Jiggles hand, wrapped in an American flag bandana. The hand curls into a fist, then sticks its middle finger up, then explodes.)