It’s time for a new riddle, boys and girls. This week, we have a tough one, so go put on your thinking caps! Here goes:
I’m a 6’2 meat blanket that gets hyped up so much, you’d think i was the second coming of Christ. Who am I?
If you said “I’m Brock Lesnar”, then you are correct. Now that probably wasn’t very tough considering the answer was in the title of the post, but whatever! The question was rhetorical: If you were somehow impressed by Brock’s fight with Heath Herring, then congratulations: you’ve been officially brainwashed by the UFC. Oh, and the years of WWE hype as well – shame on you for even paying attention to that garbage.
Okay, I don’t want to be too unfair. I’ll be the first to admit that Heath looked like a bitch when he fought. He got rocked, and the rest of the time he was lying on the ground getting punched. But apart from that first blow where he went flying across the cage, at no other time did it look like the thing was going anywhere else other than a decision.
The fight itself didn’t bother me too much. What did, however, was the insistence from Goldberg and Rogan to talk up Lesnar during the whole fight. There was so much dick stroking going on, I thought I was watching gay porno. I realize of course that Lesnar is the golden boy of a disappointingly “light” heavyweight division. But listening to 15 fucking minutes of this ball tickling drove me insane.
There’s a natural amount of hype that goes into every fight, and Goldy and Rogan are paid to stoke the fire, no question about it. But to hear them talk incessantly about Lesnar, who is still very much untested, reeks of a profound hypocrisy, especially considering what the UFC has continually said regarding another hype machine: Kimbo Slice. If Lesnar – with his much discussed giant fists and tremendous power – can’t knock a motherfucker out, and instead spends 90% of the fight straddling dudes greco-roman stylez, then i’m a long ways away from jumping on his bandwagon, no matter how much you talk him up.