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Brock Lesnar is not ‘The Future’

Oh boy and goodie goodie. What exciting news – the UFC has signed WWE and pro football wash up Brock Lesnar to a contract. I’m not exactly against pro wrestlers coming into mixed martial arts, but I’m not exactly thrilled either. The last thing the UFC needs is to have people associating the WWE with their product – there’s enough retards doing that as it is.

My favorite angle on this story though is how people are saying “Signing Brock Lesnar is a big step in removing the sting from Randy Couture’s departure”.

What? Excuse me? Have I fallen into some weird alternate reality where Nazis aren’t considered evil and pro wrestlers are on par with MMA legends? Is the UFC sending out gamma rays from the TV during The Ultimate Fighter to turn MMA fans’ brains into hotdog mulch? Because it certainly fucking seems so lately.

Let’s get something straight: saying that Brock Lesnar is going to fill the hole left by Randy Couture is like saying Steven Seagal could fill in for Rich Franklin. Yeah, Lesnar will sell pay per views. Lesnar might even manage to become a contender down the road. But in ten years time he’s going to be little more than a penis-chested footnote in the history of MMA. All the while, Randy Couture will still be considered one of the founding fathers of MMA.

I’m gonna sit back and be entertained by Mr Penis Chest as he experiences what big league MMA is like. It’s going to be great. I’ll even cheer as he works his way up past the Brad Imes and the Heath Herrings of the heavyweight division. But it’s all building to that point where he runs into a real MMA fighter who’s going to stuff his wrestling, kick his legs out from underneath him, and pound the shit out of his big HGH-inflated head.

So in that way, yeah … signing Mr Penis Chest is a good thing. It’s good money, and it’s good entertainment, and therefore it’s good for the sport … barring of course any steroids or hormone treatment scandals that may pop up. That being said, anyone who trumpets Lesnar’s signing as the beginning of a new era needs to pull the WWE action figure out of their ass and smarten up.

  • DannyP

    The prefered nomenclature is ‘Cock Chestnar’

  • Accomando

    Everyone see/hear Rogan fuck up and call him “Brock Lars-ner” and then Brock goes “I told you to get it right” and then Brock faked like he was choking Rogan, and then Rogan flipped him off.

    Good ole Joey Rogan.

  • Brent Brookhouse

    Well…I certainly said that the signing “lessened the sting” of Randy leaving. But I didn’t mean that he filled the hole left in the roster. Some of the “casual fans” I talked to about Randy leaving and Fedor signing with M-1 were taking a “the sky is falling” approach to the UFC and especially the heavyweight division. The signing of Lesnar is “big” in that it WILL sell PPV’s and tickets. After 77 I was talking to some of those same people and they were much more mellow about the Randy/Fedor situation. So yeah, that’s all I meant. Not saying he IS Randy, just that it lessens the sting of the public perception that the division is dying.

  • intenso

    Brock Lesnar was 1/2 of my favorite wrestling match of all time…his Wrestlemania masterpiece against Goldberg.

  • dignan

    I liked during the interview when Chestnar went into a WWF style rant, than flexed a bicep at the camera.

    When was the last time you ever saw an MMA fighter flex after an interview?


  • Royal B.

    Even in terms of Pro Wrestlers in MMA, he’s not on par with guys like Sakuraba or Don Frye.

    He isn’t even on par with Shibata.

  • intenso

    Brock Lesnar was a NCAA champ, who knows what all the drugs he took in the WWE have done to his body, but if he’s relatively healthy there is no reason why he shouldn’t be able to compete.

  • intenso

    hey, how about my use of commas in that post, yeah.

  • Boshy Claus

    MOFO is HUGE! I would love to see him get his ass handed to him by Herring. Herring would fuck up Lesnar like stingers fucked up Jake Obrien..

  • Xavier

    106-5. Big and quick. Strong as hell.

    Hey, that Ken Shamrock guy was a pro-rassler before he was in the UFC, they never should have given him a shot! Sakuraba too! Those clowns had no business in MMA.

    Lesnar will be a large, fast heavyweight Tito with perhaps even better takedowns. He’s mutant Matt Hughes. He has scary potential. All he has to do is learn to throw elbows from the top and he’ll mow down the vast majority of the UFC heavyweight division.

  • fightlinker

    Being a good amateur wrestler != being a good MMA guy
    Being big != being successful in MMA either

    I’m all for him getting a shot … but I doubt he’s gonna get far before getting his ass handed to him

  • Ted Dibiase

    youre wrong on this one fightlinker.

    whos cares if he was a pro wrassler. he hated it and quit while he was on top of the “entertainment sports” world.

    when i was in highschool, this guy was destroying college wrestling. he was absolutely massive in college. i know its very likely he used roids but its quite possible he didnt.

    and who gives a flyin fuck if he couldnt make it into the nfl. no one in mma can. unless you think Gay Rory would be a good “Tight End”

    Brock will sell shit loads of tickets, which WILL completely make up for the lack of revenue the UFC lost with the departure of randy. so theyre happy, and they dont give a fuck if we’re happy. but i am. i love me some brock lesnar. but im sure you would have guess that already. i am the million dollar man Ted Dibiase

  • intenso

    Ken Shamrock went from UFC–>WWF, not the other way around.

  • intenso

    Also I’m not certain Brock will sell a “shitload” of tickets. Isn’t pro wrestling kinda done now anyway?

  • Ryan

    I agree, Lesnar is completely untested at this point… whoopdee do, he wrassled in college. That shit would have worked 8 years ago, but not any more. Not even close.

    I’m actually pissed about the signing, because who knows… if UFC had simply paid Couture a bonus = what they’re giving to this Lesnar asshole, maybe he would have stayed.

    Also, the fact that actual MMA fighters, who have put their time into the sport, are getting outpaid by several hundreds of thousands of dollars to some 2-bit prowrestling retard sickens me. At least people will make fun of his penis chest. I don’t even care if he draws viewers, he has no business fighting in the UFC.

    I can’t believe Dana is still trying to say it’s not ENTIRELY about the $$.

  • Mr. Theplague

    I’m looking forward to seeing what he can do in TEH OCTAGON! I just hope they don’t feed him to Arlovski straight off. You sure are a fuckin’ negative nelly, fightlinker.

  • dignan

    I’m unsure how many caught his fight against the Judo Bronze medalist in that outdoor event at the LA Coliseum…but he did destroy that guy.

    I think he will mop up his first few fights, but I am already sick of his banter and showmanship.

    There is NOOO doubt the guy has used juice and HGH. Anyone who thinks different probably thinks Lance Armstrong and Barry were clean too, so no point of arguing with them.

  • Royal B.

    intenso: Kenny was coming out of the socal wrestling territories when he entered the UFC.

    As for Brock, he’s all show. He’ll get beat a couple times and he’ll quit like he usually does.

  • Xavier

    “Ken Shamrock went from UFC–>WWF, not the other way around.”

    Indy wrestling -> Pancrase -> UFC -> WWF -> TNA -> UFC

    Anyways, I just don’t see how people are going to stop Lesnar. He’s simply too big, too agile and too tough. It all depends on him being able to throw proper ground and pound, but other than Big Nog, who in the UFC heavyweight division matches up well with him?

    Kongo = Susceptible to the takedown by even smaller HW’s and once he’s taken down, he can’t do a damn thing.
    Cro Cop = Seriously too small for the UFC HW division.
    Sylvia = If Monson, a smaller, shorter guy can take him down, I have no doubt that Brock will be able to double-leg him to the mat at will. His striking isn’t what it used to be either.
    Vera = Too small, will be bullied around the cage.
    Herring = Hahaha, see Jake O’Brien fight.

    There’s nobody that is going to be able to handle his mutant mix of speed and power, at least not for the foreseeable future.

  • fightlinker

    Too tough? I’ll be the first to admit that pro wrestling is a hard business, but we’ll see how tough he is when he gets kicked in the fucking face. As for agile, I’ve never seen anything to show that he’s more agile than the average heavyweight.

  • Royal B.

    Brock in OVW executing a Shooting Star Press. That particular move is usually done by lighter folk. He’s pretty agile.

  • Throken

    I can’t stand pro wrestling, and I hope Brock gets his face smashed in. The thought of being in a bar, and watching the face of some idiot wrestling fan, having to deal with the fact that Lesnar got stomped, is making me laugh just thinking about it. I think we’ll have to wait a few fights for that to happen, but I really hope it does.

  • fightlinker

    A shooting star press is basically a 270 degree backflip off the third rope. Most people can do a 270 degree backflip standing on the ground (since 270 means you’re just landing flat on your body). The shooting star press (as awesome as it is) is more dangerous than it is a proof of agility. I’m sure Lesnar did that about 150+ times onto a gymnastics mat before doing it in the video once. It doesn’t mean anything when we’re talking about a guy’s speed or dexterity.

    When you’re talking about a big buy being agile and quick, we’re talking about his ability to stuff takedowns, keep octagon control, avoid bad striking situations, etc. He’s never shown anything to prove that he’s not just a big plodding monster.

  • Xavier

    Check out his combine times when he went to the Vikings camp. He’s f’n fast. The Vikings went on and on about his athleticism, his seemingly superhuman agility and strength. What they didn’t go on about was his ability to play much football (Plus his whole anti-gay slurs in camp didn’t get good publicity either) :)

    As for him being hit in the head, I saw him land with all his weight on his big cornbread face and still get up to finish a match. Yeah, it’s wrestling and wrestling is fake blah blah blah, but when a man jumps from a stupid height and lands on his chin without being knocked the fuck out, that’s impressive.

    Most people can do a standing SSP? What steroid mutant freak colony in Canada do you live? Quebec? It’s the internet, we’re all out of shape.

  • Xavier

    Here, so people don’t have to google… from his Vikings combine…

    “At 6-foot-4 and 286 pounds, Lesnar ran a 4.75 second 40-yard dash, less than two months after injuring his groin in a motorcycle accident! Lesnar is listed as benching 475, which with his long arms is very impressive, and a near 700 pound squat with a 35-inch vertical leap.”

    “Lesnar, who is 6-foot-4 or 5 and weighs 285-290 pounds with almost no body fat, recently ran a 4.7 second 40-yard dash, wowing NFL scouts.”

    The guy is a fuckin’ freak of nature. This will translate. You can teach ground and pound, you can teach jiu-jitsu, you can teach hugging people against the cage for a shitty decision victory, but you can’t teach the physical tools that dumb hick has.

  • Frank Costello

    Vitamin S is a hell of a drug.

  • intenso
    Brock botching the SSP and landing on his neck.

    And the SSP isn’t a backflip. A 270 degree backflip off the top (third?) rope would just be a moonsault. A SSP is a 270 degree gainer.

    YAY WRESTLING OWNS!!!!!!!!11

  • Blocker

    The HW division is so fucking weak that Lesnar should get as far as Big Nog before facing a decent challenge. Lesnar should be able to take down most of the others and pound them to oblivion. The UFC (and MMA in general) is lacking a big HW striker who could counter with sleeping pills for hands. Where in the blue hell is Mark Hunt?

  • The Grass Hoppa

    I also think it sad that he will walk through his first few fights because of a lack of talent in the hw division. Once upon a time i would have said arlovski coulda taken him, but his last fights have been unimpressive. The fact that a big, strong, fast guy can walk in and conceivably walk through almost the entire HW div without any real skills/experience in MMA on his brute strength alone, says those current UFC heavyweights aren’t real fighters. They don’t deserve to be there. We need some real god damn talent dana you fucking loser! You let possibly the best HW in the world walk out cos of money? thats just bullshit, plain and simple.

    Oh, and brock lesnar may have been genetically gifted, but make no mistake, his body is not 100% natural. On the above website, it will tell you he was arrested for possession of steroids but later released when it was found to be HGH.

    In Australia (where i live) HGH is illegal (as most would know from the Sly Stalone arrest). If any athlete is caught with HGH, it is treated the same as steriods and i agree with that view. Weather you get bigger from taking something that increases your cell size (steriods, hypertrophy) or creates more cells greater cell density (HGH, hyperplasia) makes no difference. It is still cheating to me.

    If it were up to me i would never let brock lesnar compete in UFC or any other pro sport. If he was taking them from an early age for a long time, it gives his body an unnatural growth and hence an unfair advantage over his competitors.

    Ok, i’ll come off my soapbox now……. :)