Every day I stuff my face with waffles and cold cuts and wonder if today is the day I throw a clot and die facedown on my keyboard (with a 50/50 chance of my pants being around my ankles). Between my diet and the fact that sitting is apparently deadlier than being a Nigerian prostitute, I have a few things to worry about. It doesn’t help that healthy bucks like Brock Lesnar are falling apart too. Here’s a bunch of quotes from MMA Junkie on his illness:
“It didn’t allow me to train to my full capabilities,” Lesnar admitted. “I was forced to make a decision to go back down to the doctor this week to figure out how far this thing was along. What it does is it drains my entire body down. Basically, you’ve got an infection in your stomach, and all my resources went to fight this problem instead of rebuilding what I tore down in the gym.
“It’s not as serious as last time. It just didn’t allow me to train for the way I needed to train for a No. 1 contenders’ bout.”
“I am forced with the decision to either have surgery or deal with this for the rest of my life,” Lesnar said. “A lot of things go through your mind as an athlete, especially myself. This is something that has been wearing on me for about a month now.
“I apologize to Junior Dos Santos and to Spike TV,” Lesnar said. “This is an unfortunate situation for me. I dodged a bullet about two years ago with diverticulitis, at that time now knowing what the problem was, and dodged a bullet by not having the surgery. Diverticulitis is an illness that never goes away. It’s something that I’ve dealt with since my first occurrence and have been battling with it. It’s just something that’s in your colon for the rest of your life.”
Fortunately for me, whatever deadly disease that lives in my colon is safely bottled up under several pounds of undigestable hotdog binding substances. Sure, the rest of my butt tract almost unravelled a few years ago, but as we can see from this Brock Lesnar story, stuff like that always goes away and never comes back.