Brock Lesnar doesn’t approve of Canada’s “third world” socialized medical system, but boy howdy does he like the huntin’ an’ killin’ up in these parts. You may recall he was in Canuckistan for a hunting trip when the poop-bomb went off in his guts back in 2009, and apparently the allure of commie deer is greater than the fear of commie doctors, because he was back again the next season.
But this time it was legal instead of medical trouble that he got into. Authorities in Alberta, Canada would like to have a word with the heavyweight about a rape in which he was involved. No, this is not one of those boring vaginal rapes. This was the brutal, unlubricated rape of the Alberta Fish and Wildlife Act’s authority.
The burly fighter failed to properly tag at least one of two animals his party had shot — a white tail and a mule deer, said Darcy Whiteside, spokesman for Alberta Sustainable Resource Development.
“They shot an animal and didn’t tag it,” said Whiteside.
His guide and Albertan Chad Stryker, who was allegedly accompanying the celebrity, is also charged with the offences – unlawful possession of wildlife, abandon/wastage of the edible flesh of big game, and after killing wildlife, failure to immediately affix tag.
The alleged offences occurred over several days in mid November on a grazing reserve near Manyberries.
“In plain language, it would be considered poaching,” said Whiteside.
Wait. His guide’s name was Chad Stryker??? Makes me imagine a badass survivalist dude with a sweater tied over his polo shirt with the collar popped up. Or a gay porn star. If it wasn’t for all this decaying deer meat scattered all over the place I might start thinking they weren’t up there for ‘hunting’ at all.
Anyways. Brock, we understand that killing things is required in order to be a male member of the species. But this isn’t caveman times, when you could just claim as yours all territory you can see just because you so happened to pee on it. Now that we have social contracts and wonderful, anti-Monsonist governments that control every aspect of our lives, there are rules to be followed.
But to be fair, it’s “poaching” in the legal sense, but it’s not like he was killing endangered rhinos with an AK-47 or something, though he probably would if he could. For those of you not familiar with the laws governing the killing of beautiful but tasty creatures, hunters are required to get special tags in advance from the Fish & Game folks, which is how they control the number of animals that are “harvested” each season. The tag must be properly affixed to the animal ASAP after you blast the shit out of it, and taxidermists and butchers WILL report you to the “fish cops” if you show up with an kill that’s not tagged, which is exactly what happened to Lesnar.
Whether the “unlawful possession” charge is a corollary of the tag charge or a separate issue is unclear. Maybe they never had a license and/or tags to begin with, which would be REALLY illegal, but this wasn’t Brock’s first rodeo so something that ignorant/flagrant seems unlikely, especially with a pro guide involved.
More BROCKHUNTLAW discussion after the jump
As for the wasting meat thing, while that might suggest that Lesnar took only the antlers/head and left the rest to rot like an asshole, that’s probably not entirely accurate. Rather than “field dressing” the animal and transporting out the whole carcass as per the norm, apparently Lesnar likes to cut off as much meat as he can carry on the spot and leave the rest.
In a video shot by North American Hunter Television, Lesnar is shown shooting a mule deer buck at the bottom of a steep coulee under heavy snow cover while accompanied by Stryker.
“I’m very happy with him. Nice, old, mature mule deer,” Lesnar said in the video after shooting the buck. “Now the work begins.”
Lesnar is then seen with a ruck sack packing what he describes as nearly 70 kilograms of meat out of the coulee. Nothing was shown in the clip of any of the rest of the animal being taken out.
“Baddest man on the planet. With the horns and about 150 pounds of meat on my back for about 500 feet, living the dream — this is what I live for,” Lesnar said at the end of the video.
Looks like that’s what he’s doing in the photo above too. Hiking back to camp with a backpack full of freshly dead meat does sound kinda badass, except it’s considered illegal and generally unethical to leave behind any edible meat. It seems that Brock has a difference of philosophy on that matter, which I guess isn’t surprising. He’ll probably chalk it up to his being just too much of a REAL MAN for Canada’s wussy pinko laws… but I bet that won’t stop him from coming back again.
The good news is that this is hardly criminal enough to kibosh his own probably fatal date with Alistair Overeem on the 30th, and the case has been pushed back until late January. So it’s not like he had to flee for his life from crooked cops and the Canuck mafia or something. And if you’re wondering if the Canuck mafia wears designer parkas and rides pimped-out dogsleds, the answer is of course, eh.