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Chael Sonnen has a fake UFC championship belt

“Of COURSE it’s mine; I spent my very own $400 on it!”

Chael Sonnen went on the Dan Le Batard is… Highly Questionable show on ESPN yesterday with a highly questionable wardrobe of his own. In a move reminiscent of the greatest triumphs of artists such as Andy Warhol and Marcel Duchamp, Sonnen went on and bought a replica UFC belt. He slung it over his shoulder like a feather boa and patted it repeatedly during the interview while calling himself the “smartest man in the world”. The burgeoning Dadaist Sonnen also had lots of other interesting things to say:

DLB: Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Silva the champ?

CS: I will correct you. You are wrong.

DLB: But that’s not your belt.

CS: Well whose do you propose it is? What do you think, I just woke up and went and took it from him? Of course it’s the belt. It says it right on there. You don’t think the belt would lie, do you? It says ‘UFC Middleweight Champion’ on there.

DLB: Chael, you tapped. I saw you tap. I couldn’t believe that I saw you tap because you were crushing him for four rounds, but you tapped. I saw it.

CS: Well, there seems to be a misunderstanding and a misapplication of the rule process. I thought it was, somebody had you in a tight hold, you could just rub his leg a couple of times and your tag team partner would step in there and help out a little bit. Then they bring me to and they try to explain the rules and there was some kind of confusion and he ended up getting his hand raised in an extremely tainted victory. But as I said to you before, the real champion sits before you today, undefeated and undisputed.

DLB: You’re not undefeated and it’s not undisputed. Who would be your tag team partner in WWF, old school? If you needed to pick a partner, who are you picking?

CS: So how’s everything with you today? How is your day going? Are you doing alright out there? You’re out there in like New Mexico or Montana or something like that? Some godless part of the country? Where are you guys located?

DLB: Miami. It’s not godless. Where are you?

CS: Right, that’s right. Going to Miami, da da da da da da da. Yeah, that’s a good song. Good for you, man. You made it on the radio.

DLB: How did you get like this?

CS: Man, I’m from the mean streets of West Linn, Oregon. You gotta look over your back. You don’t know what it’s like out there. I’ll tell you about it someday, but it’s rough.

DLB: I just imagine it being a lot of ducks.

CS: A lot of ducks? … Oh, I’m sorry. Is this where I laugh? Is this your attempt at humor? I didn’t know that. Was I supposed to… Ah ha ha ha. Hahaha. Ducks. Ha ha ha.

The only other person I’ve ever known who bought one of those fake championship belts was my friend whose initials are BC and whose dad always called him “Buttcrack”. When he found out that the drug-addled gentlewoman he sheltered in his filthy trailer was bringing in trains of other guys while he was away at work, stroking the belt while listening to Linkin Park’s “I’m About to Break” brought him precious moments of comfort. So Sonnen is in very good company here.

The entire interview after the jump!

  • agentsmith

    …my friend whose initials are BC and whose dad always called him “Buttcrack”. When he found out that the drug-addled gentlewoman he sheltered in his filthy trailer was bringing in trains of other guys while he was away at work…

    It’s stories like these that make me realize my life is actually pretty sweet.

  • dick

    It’s a true story too, right down to the Linkin Park song. Poor old BC.

  • nem0

    Well, if nothing else, he’s right about Montana…

    Also, if I recall from my last road trip, West Linn, Oregon has a pretty sweet combine demolition derby every year. And I’m not sure it has more than one street, much less any ones that could be described as “mean.” Maybe he means a mean dirt track through a wheat field?

  • FilmDrunk

    I know it’s wrong, but in my mind, by far the most egregious thing Chael Sonnen has ever said is “I’ve never touched a drop of alcohol.”

  • Letibleu

    he never touched a drop, he only touched full glasses and bottles.

    Officer, I only had one glass of beer but holy shit were there ever a lot of pitchers!!!

  • glassjawsh

    ^ kid in the background was way more entertaining than the drinking guy

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    I bet he sucksthroats a mean cock.

  • KeyboardWarrior

    kid in the background should be locked up

  • noiseless

    kid in therp derp derpety herp! sonnen is the man. funny as spit.

  • frickshun

    Sonnen should get his own sketch comedy show. I fucking love this guy!!

  • CAP

    THAT SHOULD BE SOOBO DRINKING FUCKING PISS. That’s jawshy in the background.

  • Grappo

    ^^ at least he’s had the good sense not to show his face around here since the final instance of dick-tucking.  his FL credentials should be completely revoked for this shit.  I wonder if Ryan can get him removed from the concensus rankings that he’s able to contribute to due to his association with this site.   

  • iamphoenix

    I had a piss test today. pissed in a little bottle. 5 other dudes also had a piss test. I wanted to teleport to where subo sleeps and make him drink all our piss so hard.

  • dick

    Yeah, his last article was so douchey and horrible that even I had to break solidarity and call him on his bullshit. And this is coming from the guy who wrote about all the UFC fighters getting together and fucking each other in the asses.

    If he’s going to make us all consume his excrement by reminding us of how cool and mainstream his cred is, he could at least drink his own piss to understand what we’re going through.

  • G Funk

    ^Shut-up Cockface. You may-not criticize other writers when you yourself are so douchey and horrible and type nothing but excrement. You are not a jackal so go type another post and believe Hyan when he says it’s “funny”.