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Chael Sonnen wrote a book

One of the more interesting divisions under the World Wrestling Entertainment umbrella is WWE Books, the creators of such fine tomes as “The Hardy Boyz: Exist 2 Inspire” and “Mick Foley’s Blood and Sweatsocks.” The UFC hasn’t gotten in on this racket – they prefer to just blackball the writers of UFC books they don’t like – but that hasn’t stopped a few of their own superstars from putting together writing projects.

Most successful has been Forrest Griffin, who’s general humor books on fightin’ and the apocalypse have made him a legit bestselling author. Next up to see if he too can reach that brass ring: Chael Sonnen. Here’s the description of his book, The Voice of Reason, out May 15th.

Presence. Tenacity. Insight. Omniscience. No need to look these words up. They are defined by yours truly. Who am I? I’m the one who needs no introduction, the walking thesaurus, the UFC’s most infamous and feared destroyer of men. I am Chael P. Sonnen, and you want to be just like me.

It’s your lucky day. What you are holding in your hands is nothing short of a V.I.P pass to enlightenment. In the coming pages my humor and tales of heroic adventure will baptize you in superhuman greatness. Allow me to carry you like a frail damsel as I make a nightmarish decent into the bowels of Sao Paulo. Sit before me as a student as I teach you about my plans of creating a Chaelocracy, which translates to “A Better Earth.” Shower me with praise as I take you into my manly mitts like a lump of seemingly worthless clay and craft you into something far better than yourself—me.

Like all great men of myth and legend, I strive for the betterment of the human race. Prometheus brought us fire; Dana White brought us the modern day gladiator; and I bring you a step-by-step guide to being just like me. Do you have what it takes? Is there truly a chance that one day you will be able to walk in my shoes? Purchase this book and find out. There is no better day to stop being you and start trying to be me.

You’re welcome civilization.

  • iamphoenix

    It’s like I’m reading a potato.

  • agentsmith

    This guy’s “look at me” act is getting really tired.

  • CAP

    ^What agent said.

    Milk it while you can Chael cuz the 15 minutes of fame isn’t going to last.

  • Grappo

    did lindland write this for him too?

  • iamphoenix

  • Jarman

    nice penix…..your shoop skills are improving all the time!

    similarly, i’m also getting sick of his act/disorder. Does it ever end? cause the entertainment from it wore thin with his transparent and pathetic lines about him and his fight with anderson.

  • Blackula Jonez

    I think Chael is smart for cashing in on his persona before the Silva rematch.

    I still find his schtick humorous even though it is obvious the point of obnoxiousness.

  • frickshun

    HAHA!! That shit is funny. Fuck the haterz Chael (call me).

  • Roxy

    Damnit I’ve already finished my book but nobody will publish it!! ;_;

  • iamphoenix

    I’ll read it. I promise my review won’t be “Too many words.”

    Throw it up online, that’s what some people are doing, releasing it all at once, or a few chapters for like 2 doll hairs or sumfin IDK I’M NOT A ROCKET SCIENTIST! What’s with all this pressure, GEEEZZZ guys

  • Letibleu

    Ryan or Dick needs to setup Roxy with M.Polly’s agent or publisher.