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Chris Leben is done with the law

When Chris Leben went to jail, we all had visions of violence and ass raping fill our heads – some more than others. Get some help, guys. That shit’s not healthy. But the truth is usually a lot less exciting than HBO would have us believe. According to Chris, jail is boring above all else:

“It was claustrophobic,” he said. “The roofs are really short, you’re breathing in all this recycled air, everything’s white concrete. You don’t have a lot of space; there’s no windows to see outside. Sometimes you have to sit down, take a deep breath, (and say) time will pass.”

And it did, albeit like watching paint dry. There was no way for Leben to stay in shape. He was a highly trained athlete with nowhere to work out. He went old-school, doing push-ups and sit-ups in his cell. A modern MMA gym it was not. The prison administration wouldn’t even let him outside into “the yard.” It’s not clear where he got this fact, but Leben said the jail had the distinction of being the third most dangerous in the nation.

But one thing to consider: do you really think Chris would say anything about the time the Sisters caught him in the laundry room? Much easier to just say “Yeah. It was … boring. Very … boring.” Well, ass raping or not, Leben is out and looking forward to making someone his bitch. He’s looking at an August return to the Octagon.

  • Pontus

    If your not named Anderson Silva I think you have a hard time trying anything in the laundry room with him.
    Imagine picking a fight with him.. With that big cement head you wouldn’t even have success suckerpunching him.. he would just get dazed and starting knocking people like he did to Terry Martin.

  • fightlinker

    I’m pretty sure 5 average jail rats could take on even Anderson Silva.

  • Tom K

    “I’m pretty sure 5 average jail rats could take on even Anderson Silva.”

    Is this Dana’s big announcement? Is this where the new UFC reality show is going? “How many jail rats does it take to beat Anderson Silva?”

  • godzillad

    Hey there sonny this is Morgan Freeman. You know this Chis Leben predicament reminds me of my good friend Andy Dufrense. One time he went to the boiler room to fetch some coal for the kitchen grill, he ran into two bullqueers they called ”The Spiders”. Oh Andy. It was the longest night of his life. Gotta get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’ thank you very kindly.

  • crs

    I hope he dropped the soap during shower time and was gang raped as they screamed “YOU FATHERLESS BASTARD!!” at him.

  • Bubba

    He did drop the soap.I was there and I can tell you he has a baby dick.His wang is still bigger than Jake’s though.

  • Jemaleddin

    @fightlinker:”I’m pretty sure 5 average jail rats could take on even Anderson Silva.”

    This is why Tyson was mostly kept in solitary or a youth facility. Nobody is prepared for a mop handle to the back of the head.

  • esther

    @Jemaleddin – I agree with you whole heartedly about the mop handle thing. Despite Chris’ intentions to stay out of trouble, that doesn’t mean someone else in the prison would like to kill a fighter just for the bragging rights of killing a UFC fighter. even being stabbed by a sharpened toothbrush is still a stab wound and stab wounds are the worst.

  • esther

    I meant to say, “wouldn’t like to kill”

  • kentyman

    “…stab wounds are the worst.”

    Oh quit being so melodramatic. ;)