Daniel Cormier has plans for Roy Nelson’s hair and beard, telling the audience at a UFC Fight Club Q&A in Milwaukee Friday that he would speak to the Texas Board of Licensing and Regulation about keeping it out of his face.
“The thing about the beard is it doesn’t seem to be well-kept, so I’m going to request that there’s a rubber band in it and that it comes straight down,” Cormier said. “Also, I’m going to ask that they put his hair in two plaits off to the side—part it down the middle, plait it on the sides.”
For those of you who didn’t wrestle, to plait is to braid and then smooth lovingly with the hands. The style Cormier describes will not only render Nelson’s hair less of a nuisance during grappling but also give him the appearance of a simple country girl, untutored in the ways of love. Any lingering tension will by dispelled by the rubber band on his beard, which will give him the appearance of Captain Lou Albano.
It’s a solid game plan, but to implement it Cormier will have to file an official request with the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation. According to commission rules, each contestant in an MMA bout “must be clean and present a tidy appearance.”
Exactly what constitutes “tidy” will be a matter of opinion for the commission, which is presumably composed of men in white cowboy hats who address everyone under age 50 as “boy.” The last UFC event held in Texas was UFC 136. Featuring Brian Stann, Stipe Miocic and Anthony Pettis, it may have been the most well-groomed card in history.
Whether Cormier’s planned request stems from real concerns about Nelson’s grooming or is merely a plan to get into his opponent’s enormous, mossy head remains to be seen. As of press time, there is no concrete evidence linking Cormier to this salon.
Dan Brooks writes about politics, culture and lying at Combat! blog.