One of Dana White’s favorite new zingers is referring to Spike TV as Spuke TV. Looks good on paper, doesn’t really roll off the tongue all that well. Fortunately, he has a pretty killer rant to go along with the new nickname. Check this one out from after the UFC on FX event on Friday night:
“I’m not worried about Spuke,” White said. “Let me ask you a question, and let’s be honest here. Let’s be honest. What television show have they ever launched in the history of their network since they’ve been Spuke that has been a hit? ‘Blade’? How did that do? It didn’t do good, did it? What’s some of the other awesome f—— shows they’ve had on there that have kicked ass? This big show that they spent hundreds of millions of dollars on, “Coal,” where the f— is that show right now? Their s— is so bad, I can’t even remember all the failures that were on that network.”
“Understand this: They’re not geniuses that went out and got the UFC,” White said. “We were a f—— time buy. That’s how much they believed in us. We were a time buy. Now they all walk around like they’re f—— geniuses and they built the UFC. We were a f—— time buy.
“They stepped in a big, steaming pile of s—, looked on the bottom of their shoe and said, ‘Oh, yeah, this is great. We launched this. We made it. We created the Ultimate Fighting Championship.’ No you didn’t, Spuke TV. You guys suck at what you do. You’re the worst f—— channel. Not one hit, ever. How can you f— up so bad that you don’t have one hit?”
“This isn’t me sitting here being bitter or whatever,” White said. “I’m laying out facts. When was their last smash hit on Spike TV? I’ll give you a $100 right now if one of you can come up with the smash hit that came off of Spike TV – the show that everybody is talking about and had to see, the ‘Sons of Anarchy, the f—— ‘Breaking Bad.’ Give me ‘The Shield.’ Give me that f—— massive, killer, amazing f—— hit from Spuke TV. Hundred bucks.
“I’ll give you $300. The ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ ‘Breaking Bad,’ ‘The Shield.’ Five-hundred bucks. I’ll give you $500 right now. Give me the f—— smash hit from Spike TV. A thousand. I’ll give you $2,000.”
“Let it go on the record here today with all you press, I offered you $2,000 to give me the one smash hit from Spuke TV, and none of you are getting f—— paid,” White said. “Have a nice night. I’m going home.”
Meanwhile, the UFC channel went from Spuke to Fuel, which features such amazing original programming as The Hooters Show, Master Debaters with Jay Mohr, and Thrillbillies. Oh, and one third the number of subscribers. That last fact is the big defining difference between the two networks. Both of them are shit, Spuke’s shit is just on a much much better cable package tier.