Dragon Eyes Review

The title means something, what it is I’m not exactly sure

So I sat down last night/this morning around 1am to watch the new JCVD/Cung Le movie “Dragon Eyes”. To say it’s bad would be an understatement. I took notes while watching it.

Spoiler Alert!

  • JCVD looks like he has on Malcom X glasses, see poster above.
  • Gilbert Melendez speaks Spanish but sounds like a teenager.
  • Gil looks so stupid with his giant wannabe cholo jacket.
  • Cung le was dubbed over with a white mans voice.
  • Cung looks old as fuck, at least 400 years old.
  • During a gang fight scene he beats Gils ass with another mans legs.
  • Then Gil gets punched by other guy.
  • Randomly transitions from past and present, or i think its the past.
  • JCVD is his spiritual mentor in prison and the have a huge cell.
  • Mister V aka Robo Cop aka Peter Weller looks like a 20′s gangster.
  • Cung Le uses rake to fight gang members
  • Pretty good fight scenes for a $500 movie
  • Best part of movie is two crackheads who fight a “ninja” after getting high.
  • Robo Cop plays Russian roulette with a guys dick, suck on that Arlovski
  • Hendo plays a dirty cop who beats the shit out of cung le, but it takes like 2-3 minutes of solid one sided beating to finally knock him out.
  • A fat Trevor Prangley plays a Russian Gangster called Lord Devil Dog.
  • Rich Clementi apparently plays one of his henchmen but I never spotted him.

Hope I didn’t ruin it with spoilers, not that you are going to watch this living aborted fetus. Anyways I was too high to figure out the plot other than Cung Le is the “good” guy.

I give this 3 out of 10 thumbs up just for some decent acting by Peter Weller.

Random Pics after the Jump!

Gilbert Melendez getting pushed through a SUV window. Staight 209 bitchez!!!

JCVD playing games with Cungs heart in Prison.

“I suck therefore I am”

 

 

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