For our obvious news of the day, it turns out that former pro football player Johnnie Morton was juicing, and not just a little:
Morton’s test results showed a T/E ratio score of 83.9, which indicates an elevated level of Testosterone. According to CSAC Executive Director Armando Garcia, the standard for an athlete is 6.
I have no idea what Morton was thinking trying to get away with this. Did he not realize that he would be tested? He comes from the NFL, which is one of the strictest leagues in major sports when it comes to steroid testing (6 random players per team per week). So you figure he’d be used to either flushing or faking the test. I originally assumed his refusal to take the second piss test was on account of him not having his handy spare urine sample with him at the hospital. Now that his first test came back positive, I really wonder how stupid Morton has to be. But hey, at least he didn’t try to use zombie/animal piss.