Fightlinker vs Five Ounces: UFC 135 Pick’em Battle

It’s been a while since we’ve done an inter-site shame bet, mainly because other MMA websites have learned rather quickly that putting an eyebrow on the line is dangerous stuff indeed. Past victims have included ” target=”_blank”>one of the six Bens from Cage Potato. Now Jeremy Lambert from our Rebellion Media sister site Five Ounces of Pain has stepped up to the plate for a good ol fashioned UFC 135 pick’em battle:

Fightlinker laid down the challenge a couple of weeks ago, and as the resident fight analyst here at 5OZ, I of course accepted. I actually hesitated to accept, because I thought it was some kind of joke. I thought Ashton Kutcher was Punk’n me. Have they seen my record? Of course they haven’t. Because I don’t keep track of it. Seriously though, I thought, “the audacity of these people to challenge me to a pick em.” I laughed it off and didn’t give it a second thought. Then I got pressure from the powers that be to accept the challenge and the folks at Fightlinker thought I was scared. SCARED!?!?! I was scared for them. I didn’t want to embarrass them.

Oh don’t worry, Mr Lambert. We’ve lost several of these bets already, and are well beyond petty feelings of shame or embarassment. In fact, the most difficult part of setting up these kinds of bets is finding something you poor bastards will agree to. As always, we turn now to the jackals for their suggestions. Hopefully several of them will not blind / cripple / maim the person who loses, and we can do one of those. Thus far from the 5oz readers we have:

  • Loser gets a tattoo. I’m satisfied with a tiny ‘FL’ or ’5oz’ somewhere on Jeremy’s body. Now that’s OWNING someone ;-)
  • Loser poses in a Dennis Hallman speedo for the ‘enjoyment’ of the internet
  • Loser has to give winner all their scoops (lol … Fightlinker scoops hahaha)
  • Rocky Mountain beer shower

So let’s hear what you guys have in mind. It’s always fun when someone accepts a bet before terms are locked in on what they have to do if they lose.

  • CAP

    The speedo idea ain’t bad but I’m in favor of the Machida cocktail.

  • Shibo

    Loser site has a parody front page designed by the winner for one day. Like the old april fools shitdog site. “5 Oz. Of Penis” comes to mind

  • gerg

    Loser has to yell “Here We Gooo!”, eat a spoonful of the winners pubes, and then wash it down with a Bud Light.

  • Letibleu

    faglinker

  • Morghen

    Loser has to take a dozen pictures “Pat Barry in his underwear” style.

    Or take a punch from Roxy.

  • agentsmith

    ^ Taking a punch from Roxy is a good idea.

    Loser eats a urinal puck.  It can be a fresh one if you wanna pussy out.

  • Letibleu

    The loser must put a heaping spoonful of cinnamon in their mouth and proceed to recite a one minute monologue written by the winner. All this must be filmed of course. Its an old kitchen initiation we do to greenhorns.

  • scissors61

    my only advice is that you come to the jackals for input on your picks, ryan, because you are so goddamn awful at it

    love,

    scissors 

    PS: is a rocky mountain beer shower some kind of piss thing? if so, i vote for that. 

  • glassjawsh

    you can keep ignoring it but it’s the best suggestion you’re going to get:

    loser has to drink a dixie cup (mason jar?) of his own piss machida style

    and put the video up on the site

    edit: goddamnit CAP I’ve been saying this for weeks and now it looks like I stole your idea because you have no life

  • Omomatta

    You could make the loser dress up like this douchepickle for a week.

  • CAP

    Quit biting my ideas yawsh.

    I quit going to 5oz. of Jizz a long time ago because it sucked. Congrats to Fighlinker for getting to their level!

  • Shibo

    I suppose having to drink 5 ounces of urine is fitting.

  • ginkster88

    Does anyone else remember the glory days of old, when FL vs. 5OZ was a real thing?

    Ryan vs. Caplan in a legit MMA match to rule the MMA blogosphere… until Caplan pussied out like a bitch and ran off to CBS and WAMMA.

  • Omomatta

    I believe he suffered a full Anus to BB tear which, I’m gathering, didn’t heal.

  • scissors61

    uh huh. anyways, i vote loser does this: 

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poMgWUgw5I0

  • ginkster88
  • X

    Ha ha ginkster88, I was going to bring up the “almost” MMA fight bet between FL and 5OZ, you beat me to it.  What was that, like 5 years ago?  That was flipping hilarious at the time.   I had caplan for the win too, that pussy, he did backout with some lame diatribe he posted on his site.  Also, decent synopsis about the life and times of FL….  I’m still a fan of the original wordpress-style fightlinker myself, but whatever, I begrudge nobody for selling out.  

  • ginkster88

    ^ Actually I do remember that being the case.

    I come back here from time to time and shed a few tears for FL of old. Seems just yesterday that Ryan was a real person with a job and everything, organizing meet-ups in Montreal.

    Then there came the Brave New World of full-time blogging, into which he dove with gusto, dragging poor Jake with him into a world of podcasts, new website a comic strip and online store!

    Reality crashed down with a thud in the form of gold stars, before depression led to guest writers and a vanishing act by the main character.

    Finally, we have what we have today: Zombie Fightlinker, limping along… a faceless shadow of its former self.

    Who is “fightlinker”, the nameless being who writes so faithfully yet with so little personality? Where is “Ryan”? What will Fightlinker look like tomorrow?

    No one knows.

  • fightlinker

    Dear Fightlinker

    Why do you suck so much?

     

  • agentsmith

    @ginkster88:  So Fightlinker was better back when it was literally some guy’s blog?

  • frickshun

    Loser has to make ginkster88 a full-time writer on their site.

  • scissors61

    IT USED TO BE ABOUT THE MUSIC, MAN 

     

  • Night Rider

    lol Frick and Scissors

     

    …. Loser has to read Ginksters wall o hate

     

    I’m down with the Machida Cocktail, you can’t ignore it forever. Also throw in the gallon o milk challenge as a chaser to ensure puking.

  • scissors61

    we can only hope that this situation ends up half as funny as this

    http://fightlinker.com/the-mma-girls-ufc81-picks-are-all-wrong#comments

  • FiveBoltMain

    i vote for the machida cocktail or getting your junk waxed.

  • frickshun

    Skizz–>that was fucking awesome!!

  • agentsmith

    I think I’m being swayed by the others in this thread… “Five Ounces of Piss” has a nice ring to it.

  • scissors61

    As I said before Ryan, god bless ‘im, is awful at picking fights. 

  • scissors61

    As I said before Ryan, god bless ‘im, is awful at picking fights. 

  • frickshun

    What is that thing that Skizz always says about Ryan??

  • iamphoenix

    always funny to see people say “i used to come to this site but now i don’t.” well, a lot of people go to a lot of sites but now they also don’t. maybe we should round em up and have them post a one off comment about how they used to go somewhere they used to go but now they don’t go to those places anymore…but they used to go there. but now they don’t. because well, they just don’t.

    sooooooooo…….

    i used to go to 5oz. but now i don’t.

    loser has to do whatever that jackass clip is because jackass is awesome. i didn’t watch the video. but jackass is awesome. whatever they did in that clip. do it. i love jackass. loser loses and does jackass.

  • iamphoenix

    tie breaker…whoever can fit the most donuts on their dick wins.

    ps. this suggestion was brought to my attention by volds.

  • scissors61

    that clip’s actually from big brother skateboard magazine’s fourth video, “crap.” the whole jackass thing was pretty much watered-down versions of the old big brother stuff–they were kind of the fightlinker of skateboarding magazines back in the day. for an example of their awesomeness, they used to include tutorials on suicide and fake ID manufacture in the mags, and once featured josh kasper doing a benihana air over three morbidly obese women covered in fake blood (wearing bikinis no less) on the cover of the magazine.

    After they got bought out by Larry Flynt (yes, that Larry Flynt) they once fucked up their mailings and every Big Brother subscriber (including my jubilant teenage self) received a copy of Hustler’s Taboo instead of a skate mag. that harpy dr. laura called big brother “stealth pornography” and tried to get them shut down in the early 2000s. sadly larry flynt pulled the plug on big brother in 2004 for no reason. Good times. 

  • scissors61

    scratch that, 5 morbidly obese women. somebody better put butters’ face on josh kasper’s body

  • ginkster88

    lol@ the haters.

    It actually seemed as though Ryan was turning it around after he disappeared earlier this year.

    I’ve never stopped reading FL, but I can’t even tell if it’s Ryan writing anymore. It could just as easily be some Rebellion Media guy spewing copy that is slightly “edgier” than their other MMA properties.

  • iamphoenix

    ^lolol at you saying lol@ the haters.,,

    so like, these guys are totally haters because lol. who wants to go buy some peaches?

  • Reverend Clint

    loser gets gang raped by Joe Son

  • ginkster88

    they be hatin on me, bro!

  • Tamerax

    my suggestion: loser does the cinnamon challenge on camera!

  • ghostboner

    Loser has to bang Arianny.

  • ghostboner

    Scratch that. Loser has to be in a photo shoot with Petruzelli and Lawlor. A photo shoot of their choosing. Those two I’m sure could make this bet interesting.

  • Letibleu

  • CAP

    Sciss: I was a victim of the Big Brother mail mix up. No lie. That mag is the roots to Jackass and dubachery, common place in skateboard videos back in the day. World Industries made it and you could get it free at your local skate shop. Then Flynt picked it up later.

     

    I was out on my porch with my girlfriend, now wife, at the time and grabbed the mail which had a grey sealed magazine. I thought nothing of it and opened the shit and it was the Hustler Taboo mag with some good gnary fisting! The girlfriend (who lived three hours away) got all pissed (she’s not into porn) and drove off home. I called to find out wtf and they told me the deal. The gf was skeptical about that explanation too but eventually she heard the news about the mix up.  Almost caused my wife to run off!!

  • glassjawsh

    Both cap and skizz are mistaken. the jackass series is actually based on the old bam margera camp kill yourself tapes from the late 90s early 2000s

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/CKY_(video_series)

  • G Funk

    CAP’s lady sounds a bit (alot) prudey…

  • scissors61

     

    Both cap and skizz are mistaken. the jackass series is actually based on the old bam margera camp kill yourself tapes from the late 90s early 2000s

    horseshit. knoxville got his start with big brother, as did jeff tremaine and rick kosick. and chris pontius and that asshat steve-o. half the stuff on that show was lifted from bb videos, and the other half from cky (which would’ve been great had it not been for bam margera’s presence). the whole dickhouse productions thing was all ex-bb guys except for douchegera

     

  • scissors61

    and unless you’re jay z you can’t use the expression “hatin on me” without looking like a schmuck. 

  • Omomatta

    I don’t know what’s more comical….CAP’s wife throwing a hissy over porn or Scissuuuurp and Jawshy arguing over fucking jackass history.

  • CAP

    Yeah it’s not her best quality.

    Jawshy get a clue and quit reading wikipedia. CKY and Jackass, Bam and all that shit originated from old skate culture. Skate vids would have funny/stupid/crazy skits in them as these guys had plenty of time to kill touring or on the road or whatever. Steve Rocco owned World Industries which produced BB. That guy would throw money around like candy. Steve-O was discovered at a crazy party while they were on tour. He did a flip into a pool from a four story hotel while breathing fire. And he was a star from there.

    God damn I’m way cooler than all of you minus the prudey wife which I banged the hell out of last night so no worries here.

  • glassjawsh

    cky = camp kill yourself. we’re both right

  • glassjawsh

    cap just because I’m not 40 doesn’t mean I don’t know anything I remember watching the cky2k video when I was a sophomore in high school (c2000). it had rake yohn, Dave Camarillo, ryan Dunn(rip) and some idiot who whipped his dick out in front of strangers in west Chester PA. basically the exact premise of the show.

  • Garp

    Loser has to put a personal ad on Craigslist looking for a fat chick to “grapple” with at the local gym. Interested parties send in photos. The winner picks the chick. Loser has to grapple and videotapes it for our amusement.

    Or drink piss. I’m easy.

  • CAP

    Welcome to the party jawsh, better late than never. I just get tired of hearing how funny and innovative those vids are when that shit was happening for years before that all blew up. Glad those guys got paid though. I’m old school and jaded, graduated in ’93 but I ain’t crusty yet son.

  • Omomatta

    Look at Jawshy throwning in the RIP for stupid fucking moron like Ryan Dunn. That was very nice Jawsh.

  • glassjawsh

    ^ if you don’t want your kids getting hit by by a drunken ryan dunn, then don’t let them play in the street at 3 am

  • Omomatta

    You’re becoming very wise in your old age. I could almost say that I’m proud of you.

  • frickshun

    Cap is the mostest rawng b/c he tried to use a big word & spelled it wrong (debauchery).

  • CAP

    Only a real doosh would know how to spell it.

  • Omomatta

    Only a reel dewsh corekts uthers speling.

  • frickshun

    ^^You spelled ownley rawng.

    And DON’T FUCKING USE BIG WORDS IF YOU CAN’T SPELL THEM. You guys are bringing out ‘ol irascible frick!!

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    He’s gonna start calling you a all a bunch of R-words any second now.

  • glassjawsh
  • iamphoenix

    i don’t know what’s going on anymore in this thread.

     

    so. penis.

     

     

     

  • Omomatta

    HAHAHAHAHA Thunderbiscuits!!!

  • frickshun

    DJ……ripping open old wounds……

  • Komodo

    Ipecac Slam Revival :)

     

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Frick:  Ha ha!

    Jawsh:  Completely wrong*, but when I miss your lips, I’ll put a fag in my mouth and think of you.

    Ryan:  Is this bitch actually gonna do what he agrees to?  Its hard to get excited for these things anymore when every other blogger is such a spineless cunt.

    * – its more a joke Franklin woulda loved.

  • glassjawsh

    ^ hahahahaha.

    I’ll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!

  • CAP

    ^That doesn’t sound good at all.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Cap, He really should get a tape recorder and just record himself for a day  – I think he’d be surprised.

    Cereally, how crazy is it that no bloggers are as gangster as the white Canadian who lives in his mother’sRebellion’s basement and dresses up as a Star Trek character?  Not even Kirk or Spock – the bald European!?

  • Shibo

    If Ryan is still looking for ideas, there’s always drinking 2 liters of coke and then swallowing mentos whole

     

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