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Firefighters and police beat each other up

Bearing witness to the exemplary fiscal responsibility of the municipal governments of the state of Maryland, cops and firefighters are raising a disability pension for one of their own by beating the shit out of each other for the amusement of others. Last Friday, the Baltimore police and fire departments met in an athletic commission-sanctioned MMA event to benefit police officer Teresa Rigby, who was injured on the job.

In keeping with our natural tendency to side with people who don’t make a habit of arresting us when all we did was drive while totally wasted (free country my ass), we are happy to learn that the fire department won the most matches. However, the police department’s Julian “Kato” Min gets credit for having an even better entrance than Masaya Takita’s “glittery thonged man cycle” display in Pancrase: he was brought out in a chinese food container, wearing a glittery suit and matching hat that were just fabulous (you look good enough to eat, thweetie!) And he won his fight to boot. For a second I thought one of the fighters was wearing a luchador mask, which also would have been awesome, but it was really his opponent’s possibly-oversized glove obscuring his entire head.

The Baltimore police department brought in Carl Ballard from the Colorado police department to fight on their team as a sort of “extradition treaty” with Colorado, where there have been six similar events. The Baltimore Sun reports that the police department was cautiously supportive of the efforts. The fire department heads, however, have evidently been playing around in their flame-retardant sand until it got in their vaginas: they released a boilerplate “don’t sue me” message saying that they accept no responsibility for the consequences of the event. We may complain that we as taxpayers are paying health insurance premiums to cover this, but they probably didn’t even have to call an ambulance: at least one paramedic, Terri Smith, fought in the event, and promised, “I’ll fix them afterwards.” 17 minutes of video of the event can be seen here.

  • glassjawsh

    didn’t read the post, just waiting around for the photo shops to start dropping

  • agentsmith

    No surprise the cops lost, most of them have never fought someone who was allowed to fight back before.

  • raizor

    Hahaha agentsmith :)

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Dick made a funny?

    Dick made a funny?

    It’s like you just needed your monologue tantrum and the stick just slid out on it’s own.

    Smiff, the cops didn’t have another guy to Mace ‘em while they laid-n-prayed.  Finishing skills are important.

    I wonder if the Firemen hanging-out all day exercising also had something to do with it.

  • Danjo

    I like this.

    There should be more job on job fights.

    Next up, porno actors vs dolphin trainers

  • repenttokyo

    followed by yoga instructors versus baristas.

  • Letibleu

    My last GF is fucked from geting hit by a drunk driver and her friend is still alive but brain dead. I an show you picks but they wont be photoshops.

  • iamphoenix

  • CAP

    Can’t lie I LOLed!

  • glassjawsh

    aaaand there it is, meme hammer dropped

  • agentsmith

    The spelling error is what really sells it.

  • G Funk

    Dick, now that the emotions have tapered off, you should go back and read your hissy fits.

  • frickshun


    dick–>don’t get all bent out of shape but this post was unfunny. I only came in here b/c I’m addicted to the comments & I couldn’t resist seeing what all of my fake internet friends had to say. Now that I’m in here, a sense of relief has washed over me.

    More importantly, I GOT MY HALLOWEEN DECO’S UP!! Still gotta buy a few more things but it’s looking good. Combine the fear of a tractor-trailer jacknifing right in front of you on the highway with the nightmare of waking up to have dick’s low self-esteem.

  • CAP

    ^Can’t wait to see the Halloween cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • dick

    I guess the “boycott” lasted about 11 hours. Like a hunger strike that takes breaks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

    For the record, 1) I stand by my rants, 2) that photoshop is even dumber than your previous ones, which weren’t good to begin with, 3) frickshun – aren’t you banned from having young trick-or-treaters over by your inclusion on some silly little “registry”? Or is this your plan to get on the registry?

  • iamphoenix

    This is a reverse boycott, where we just fuck with you and mock your stupid face. You don’t get anything do you…

    The look on richard’s face when he found out the fightlinker actually had members…he was all like “WHHAAAAAA…..”

  • iamphoenix

  • Danjo


  • frickshun


    PS: I would complete rock that sweater.