I woke up this morning and
I woke up this morning and pissed really hard in, on, or around the toilet. Sat down in my little computer chair with sweet wheels so I can roll around my little room with a towel tied around my neck because that way it’s a cape and I’m a superhero and my chair isn’t a chair anymore it’s a fucking monster truck destroying everything in it’s path. But as I went to watch a video on the internet, I reached for my mouse, but it’s super dark in my room so I can’t see that it was tangled up with all the other wires on my desk and it slipped out of my greasy hands that I was eating leftover chicken fingers and Rockstar Roasted Energy Coffee with and the mouse slammed right on my balls. I’m not wearing pants, just very sexy boxers because that’s how I roam. And look at this here below, someone is so cool that they replaced people’s phones with poptarts. FUCKING GENIUS I HATE THEM FOR DOING IT FIRST!!!