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Well, we can at least narrow



Well, we can at least narrow down how it didn’t happen:

1. You never fought anyone who was wearing an Iron Claw.
2. Sliding in to third base shears skin, like nasty road rash.
3. You skull fucked a chick so hard that while tears were streaming down her face, slobber was dripping down her chin and she was choking back vomit, she had no choice but to gouge your ass with her nails because clearly she couldn’t say the safe word.