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An MMA cheat sheet for my Dad…

Home Forums MMA Related An MMA cheat sheet for my Dad…

This topic contains 23 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  Mixed Martial Adam 5 years, 5 months ago.

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    For the first time ever, my father is going to be ordering a UFC (129) event to watch with his buddies (mostly because it’s in Toronto). None of them really have a grasp on the rules or format of the sport (though they have watched a few mma highlights) so I am writing a basic summary sheet for them to read before the event.


    I know this is silly and is great mateial to make fun of, but I want him to enjoy the event as much as possible and I think this will help. If there any additions, omissions or incorrect facts that you can point out please let me know.






    Fights are three 5:00 rounds. Title fights (on this card there are two) are five 5:00 rounds.


    There are very strict rules enforced by competent referees under the supervision of medical doctors. The fight is stopped immediately if a fighter is knocked out or deemed unable to defend himself. Everyone competing at this level is a professional athlete and (almost always) a disciplined and respectful martial artist. Although the sport is violent at times, these are well-trained athletes who are executing extremely intelligent game plans and strategies.


    The rules are similar to boxing rules but amended to reflect the grappling aspects of the sport. For example, there are no strikes allowed to the back of the head, neck, or spine, no biting, no head-butts, you can not spike, toss or throw an opponent onto their head (and many, many more rules). I only bring this up, as there is a common misconception that the sport has few rules when in fact it has dozens. The fighters adhere to a strict way of fighting that ensures maximum safety for the combatants.


    Fighters cannot kick or knee to the head of a grounded opponent (i.e. during grappling or wrestling). However, they can punch or elbow to the head of a grounded opponent. Fighters train to defend from these positions and the referee is always waiting to step in should they fail to protect themselves.


    Cuts can happen due to strikes, elbows and general grappling which can sometimes lead to blood in the fight. Doctors will halt the action to check on a cut and if it is hindering the fighter’s vision or breathing and the fight will be stopped. So even though there can be blood (on occasion), it is closely monitored and there has never been a death or crippling injury in the UFC to date.


    Fighters are instructed to protect themselves at all times and to fight until the referee steps in. Therefore you may see someone get knocked out/down and a fighter will continue to throw punches at the downed opponent. This is because they are told to keep going until the ref jumps in as fighters have been knocked down and able to continue in the past. It is up to the ref, not the fighter to stop the match. That being said, the Toronto card has some of the best officials in the sport who are extremely skilled at making the right calls to step in.


    In terms of judging, control and aggression are very important criteria on top of striking and grappling. For example, taking an opponent down is very significant in the eyes of the judges as they see that as controlling where the fight occurs. Same with clinch work and fence control. If a fighter’s back is against the fence during a clinch, then he is losing points as the judges see that as control. I don’t necessarily agree with them, but if a fight goes to a decision, takedowns and fence control can often be significant factors in the outcome.


    A fighter’s record is impressive, but in no way indicative of their skill level or ability.  Some great fighters have records that are 15-9 or even 20-12 etc. Unlike boxing, fighters are challenged every time they step into the ring/cage. It is unheard of for someone to go more than three or four fights without a loss (as the sport has so many gifted competitors). In boxing the boxer’s record is padded with “can” fights before they get to title fight. In MMA, every fight (in the UFC) is a challenge, which is why you may see significant losses on their records.  However, if you see a record of 19-2 that usually means the fighter is someone with truly exceptional abilities.


    The grappling or “submission wrestling” (ju-jitsu) is a huge part of the sport and difficult to properly highlight in a paragraph. Joe Rogan (the “surly” announcer) is very good at explaining the ground game and will almost always walk you through what is happening during wrestling exchanges.  It takes a while to properly appreciate subtle positional changes during grappling, but the announcers will highlight the action and the more you watch the more exciting it becomes.





    Thoughts? Additions? Edits?




    Mention that Mike Goldberg is actually a loving creature and not quite the monster he portrays (creepy stares, hair plugs, fake tan…). He is just easily excitable. Tell them not to be scared of him.


    you can not spike, toss or throw an opponent onto their head (and many, many more rules).

    This only applies if it is a spiking impact that compresses their neck/spine. You can be slammed on the back of the head or face-first such as a Rampage slam or the Boetsch-chuck, respectively.

    Doctors will halt the action to check on a cut and if it is hindering the fighter’s vision or breathing and the fight will be stopped.

    I would add that they only stop it if there is excessive bleeding that they believe will continue to hinder breathin’ etc, and then only during a lapse in action.



    The 2 biggest things I encounter when trying to convert fans (especially older guys):
    1) They are not sloppy brawlers w/no real boxing experience. Their striking style is modified to defend takedowns & leg strikes. Therefore, they can’t maintain a traditional boxing stance or throw excessive jabs which leave them wide open to TD’s & kicks.
    2) The grappling/rasslin aspect of the sport takes a long time to fully appreciate. It will seem boring for several events until you understand the nuances. Most often, their skillsets neutralize each other’s offense causing lengthy stalemates. Or the risk/reward isn’t worth it so there are no dramatic sub attempts w/o major positional advantage or striking damage to set it up.

    Oh and #3…..YOU’RE A FUCKING FAGGOT. Cock shit balls.



    Where is anything about tapping? YOU LEFT OUT TAPING!!!! HIDE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!

    Show him this GIF to show what happens when you don’t tap


    Or this if you dont tap (this still freaks me out)



    Dont forget the chicken run




    You should give him the Horodicksucky Gif where he gets his arm pinned behind him and gets pounded into oblivion.


    They are not sloppy brawlers w/no real boxing experience. Their striking style is modified to defend takedowns & leg strikes.

    These things are not as mutually exclusive as your wording suggests, man.  Many of them are sloppy brawlers but even the technical guys haven’t fully adapted to the ranges of modern pugilism.  It’s still a primitive sport but your jab breakdown was spot-on man.



    DJ–>I agree that I’m oversimplifying but his dad isn’t exactly ready for a breakdown of strikers ranging from Frankie Edgar’s technical excellence to Leben brawl-style. Especially when you factor in that Leben is the one holding the spectacular KO’s & slick sub of Sexyama on his resume.

    Leti–>chicken run is HAHAHAHAHA.



    If you want anyone to fall in love with MMA…I have one name. Don Frye.




    I swear Dan Severn looks like Freddie Mercury’s big brother.  With better teeth.



    Is semen is acidic?




    Go to the favorite nudes post and rub one out. Litmus paper in the sticky puddle will tell you if your semen is acidic or not… OR, put your load in a glass of milk and leave it in the fridge over night. Next day have a taste. If it tastes off and curdled, your semen was acidic. If it tastes like milk, your semen was either neutral or a base. You can then use the milk to make special pancakes. Just don’t add salt.

    Obviously you don’t want to drink a glass of milk with one day old spunk from your junk in it so have some fun with it and invite a friend to whom you owe one. Break out the Oreo cookies and when he is in 3 cookies in whip out that glass of nice refreshing ice cold milk. Ask him if the milk taste vinegary.



    WTF Leti…..Are you taking “joke getting” lessons from FiveBolt again?



    ^^Haha!! Omo is the NEW master of Photoshop. And making people feel bad.

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