I spend a lot of time on the internet
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Exactly like thisInteresting…GIRL HAS TWO VAGINAS!
When she was a teenager, she even asked one of her friends which hole the tampon goes into and the conversation became so damn confusing that she walked away thinking the tampon is supposed to go up her ass. Holly shouldn’t be embarrassed about that. Who hasn’t as a teenager gotten drunk on the Tia Maria they stole from their mother’s secret alcohol stash in the garage and sat on the bathroom toilet thinking what it would be like to have ass sex with a tampon? Who hasn’t turned that thought into a reality and quickly realized they shouldn’t have pulled that shit (emphasis on that) out and just left it up there for a medical professional to discover twenty years later during a prostate exam. We all have!
Hazel didn’t learn that not all ladies have twin twatties until one of her boyfriends pointed it out to her. That must’ve been a fun conversation. “Um, Hazel, why are two frustrated and unsatisfied baginas frowning at me instead of one?” After Hazel’s boyfriend lovingly told her that her chocha looks like a Double Double, she went to the doctor and found out that she’s got two vaginas, two uteruses and two cervixes. Hazel also had to lose her virginity twice to really make it count.
One in the stink, 4 in the pinks?
It was just another day, like any other day. A Saturday night amongst friends at the bowling alley. Snow had just fallen for the first time in the area, and I guess everyone wanted to celebrate the occasion by grabbing on a bunch of big balls.
I was one Bud-Light deep into the night and my bladder was full of urine. If I was Derek Suboticki I would have drank my piss in lane 10 for all to see. But I was born not him. I don’t welch on bets. Also, if I were Derek Suboticki, I would instantly kill myself and hated my parents my whole life up until I would have killed myself at age 9 when I found out about the whole option of killing myself is a real viable option in this world for not making me an abortion baby and farting me out in the toilet when I was 3 months in her stupid womb.
Entering the restroom a man was taking the shit in the one stall that was available. I turned towards the urinals and that’s when I first made eye contact with the shit. It just sat there on the bottom of the urinal. At peace. It was this moment that I realized, every decision I made my whole life brought me to this point. Standing face to face with another mans shit laying comfortably in a place for piss. Destiny.
I was left speechless but still managed to let out a beautiful, “What the fuck?” And the man shitting in the stall, as if I were talking to him mumbled, “Yeah, what are you gonna do about it.”
I didn’t say anything back to him, pissed, snapped a picture and thought about it the rest of the night..this abandoned, mishapened and miss placed turd, waiting to be scooped up by someone who cares. This turd just wants to be loved, just like the rest of us.
Does this shit belong to you? If so, please contact John Walsh at America’s Most Wanted
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(applause)
What I love about the Spiderman/guitar pic is that whoever created it was too lazy to actually find a left handed Les Paul, so they mirrored a right handed one. It completely sums up the interwebs users in a single pic.
maybe spider man plays jimi hendrix style
lawl
me gusta
I woke up this morning and pissed really hard in, on, or around the toilet. Sat down in my little computer chair with sweet wheels so I can roll around my little room with a towel tied around my neck because that way it’s a cape and I’m a superhero and my chair isn’t a chair anymore it’s a fucking monster truck destroying everything in it’s path. But as I went to watch a video on the internet, I reached for my mouse, but it’s super dark in my room so I can’t see that it was tangled up with all the other wires on my desk and it slipped out of my greasy hands that I was eating leftover chicken fingers and Rockstar Roasted Energy Coffee with and the mouse slammed right on my balls. I’m not wearing pants, just very sexy boxers because that’s how I roam. And look at this here below, someone is so cool that they replaced people’s phones with poptarts. FUCKING GENIUS I HATE THEM FOR DOING IT FIRST!!!
moar on the internet
and here’s my contibution:
Nice!
Pshop ain’t a hobby…It’s a lifestyle bro…
[i did not make this]
I’m supposed to be taking this online class about war and things right now but(tfuck) it’s soooo boring and watching this clip of very scared news anchors crying themselves to sleep at night in fear of Pedobear having his way with them made me LMFAO.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71MCA59Krls&feature=player_embedded
All I have to say is, bro, you’re too old for pedobear anyway.
That Penn State sticker was hilarious.
You may have heard of the injustice that I endured while I visited a local McDonald’s food eatery from my latest entry in the Made/Ruined your Day thread and or my latest Facebook status. If you haven’t, I suggest you add me on http://www.facebook.com because my life is very important that I actually need a page all to myself to document my activities from IRL on my pseudo internet life on the internet. Apparently, we are all THAT important.
Just another day at a McDonald’s, right? Somewhat clean floors, a stack of old paper thingies blind people touch because they don’t have the internet and an advertisement for an item of food I enjoy chewing up in mah mouth. The McRib. I see the sign, think to myself, “I would like this. I’m going to order this right now.” I casually and non-chalantly make my way to the counter and request the McRib that is so conviently displayed in their establishment of delicisies and fine drinks.
I ask, “Good day ma’am, how are you this fine evening? I am quite starved and looking for a tastey feast that will make my tastebuds cum on my tongue and out my mouth. I will like to have that this here McRib that I’ve fancied since I layed eyes upon it onceth I entered this fine eatery here.”
Then she says “What?”
“Mcrib, you got that right?” I point to the sign behind me.
She says to me like that sign behind me doesn’t exist….”We don’t have those.”
THEN BITCH, TAKE THE MOTHERFUCKING SIGN DOWN!!!!
These weren’t my exact words, but I think later on she totally felt my anquish and dismay when I sat right there at that table, exhaling pretty loud and staring with the most angriest and probably saddest of eyes right at that sign that they used to mock me and everything the American McRib way of life stands for.
I am the 99%.
http://i.imgur.com/mUSuP.gif
http://i.imgur.com/HtB6x.gif
http://i.imgur.com/EUCIc.gif
In honor of phoenixs’ heart-wrenching story, i’ve concocted a homemade version of the aforementioned “McRib”. Hopefully you will never know that kind of anguish again my friend….never again.
http://i.imgur.com/PBgSv.jpg
The essence of my heart-wrenching story is lost on you MadMan. It’s not that I didn’t eat a McRib that day, it is that I was misled and made out to be a fool by believing that I could order a McRib by believing the giant advertisement in the McDonalds. They made a mockery out of this delicous sammich, justice and big cardboard signs, which I can no longer trust.
If I wanted to make my own food, I would. But I chose not to. Not that I wouldn’t be any good at it, but I would have to travel to the local commissary, grab a shopping cart that has other peoples sneezes and poops. I don’t want to walk down and through every aisle looking for the items I forget to put on my list that I forgot to write. Then I have to wait in the forever line, with my big cart of stuff that everybody keeps eyeballing with their stupid faces. Travel back to my starting point, walk up THREE flights of teh stairs omg suxxors!!!1 dick reference. Unpack all the things I paid for and place them in their respective assigned spots. Then I would have to immediately find the items in which I want to assemble for a meal, gather them, unpackage the items and then assemble it. 5 years later, I have half a sammich because I forgot to get bread. WTF. So, Long reply back to you, I just wanted a pre-made McRib that I can instanlty eat as soon as I pay for it right there in the McDonald’s. I reject your image link of an un-assembled poor not-a-McRib because you have not faced the indignity that I have had to endure and overcome.
Get a wife. If you choose the correct model of wife, they come pre programmed to do all the steps above. Frick’s seems to have worked out. There are a few low maintenance models of wife available out there. There are even models that are compatible with newer models you may want to sample later on.
^^Dammit, can’t see ur vid @ work.
Phoenigga=funny again. And I applaud Madman’s deconstructed McFib. Not that I would ever put that shit in my body. Unless it was penis-shaped.
I cant see it either but I think its the vid you posted of your wife pole dancing.
^^You are trying to hurt my feelings. Mission accomplished.
Im going to miss the internet more than anything. And photoshopping.
Instead of creating another thread, which I don’t like doing because there ARE SO MANY, I thought to myself in sign language and African clicky clicky language that why not post up mah drawin right here…so, look at it.
It’s also on mah facebook, and mah deviantart, and mah twitter…I love you guys that much…
Fedor, Saku and Aoki defending my peanut butter jelly sammich. Gonna be colored tomorrow.
That must be a really good sammich.
ruined by fedors taint smell
Nice! Please get those colors right on Fedor’s sweater.
I got Josh Barnett up on deviantart..
nice
“teaching babies how to throw machetes at house cats”
Genius.
This had all the ingredients needed for a hilarious troll job. Well done.
For whatever reason, my posting privileges have been revoked. I don’t know what has happened. I thought I was doing good here…but I guess I have failed.
But I won’t let this horrible situation deter me from posting a link to mah drawing I’ve been working on. Maybe none of you will see this until after Christmas and Jewanukka but whatevs, it will be here when you come back.
hopefully this is clickable because for cereals, I have no options to embed>>>
http://iamphoenix.deviantart.com/#/d4k1dnz
IAP – you have the same permissions as ever. Are you using the same browser as you usually do? Do you have JavaScript enabled?
Finished product is fucking awesome!!
Nice final!!
LOL at trolling DICK.
thanks cap. he’s trying so hard to troll it’s so funny.
full size is up on mah da page as well
Sick dude! I was gonna say I love the bitch tits then saw it was Cyborg!!!!!!!!
Dick is doing more stalking than trolling.
Going back to fucking washington today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mghhLqu31cQ
Awesome vid though |)
Interesting…GIRL HAS TWO VAGINAS!
One in the stink, 4 in the pinks?
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??
Destiny will find her a double donger!
Another hole to fill! She’d be perfect for an airtight!
It was just another day, like any other day. A Saturday night amongst friends at the bowling alley. Snow had just fallen for the first time in the area, and I guess everyone wanted to celebrate the occasion by grabbing on a bunch of big balls.
I was one Bud-Light deep into the night and my bladder was full of urine. If I was Derek Suboticki I would have drank my piss in lane 10 for all to see. But I was born not him. I don’t welch on bets. Also, if I were Derek Suboticki, I would instantly kill myself and hated my parents my whole life up until I would have killed myself at age 9 when I found out about the whole option of killing myself is a real viable option in this world for not making me an abortion baby and farting me out in the toilet when I was 3 months in her stupid womb.
Entering the restroom a man was taking the shit in the one stall that was available. I turned towards the urinals and that’s when I first made eye contact with the shit. It just sat there on the bottom of the urinal. At peace. It was this moment that I realized, every decision I made my whole life brought me to this point. Standing face to face with another mans shit laying comfortably in a place for piss. Destiny.
I was left speechless but still managed to let out a beautiful, “What the fuck?” And the man shitting in the stall, as if I were talking to him mumbled, “Yeah, what are you gonna do about it.”
I didn’t say anything back to him, pissed, snapped a picture and thought about it the rest of the night..this abandoned, mishapened and miss placed turd, waiting to be scooped up by someone who cares. This turd just wants to be loved, just like the rest of us.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
lollll.
Someone lost their nugget!
Obviously, it was Frank Reynolds.
cause poop is funny
poop in the wrong places is funny
So I drew Ronda Rousey, Gina Carano, Miesha Tate and Cris Cyborg.I got a brand new tablet to draw on…pretty sicccck for right now.
linkkkkk to dah piiiicccc
^^bwahahahahHha!!!! Carano is ridic!!!
Haha nice!
So I made a blog thing site. I was just gonna post it up here without creating a site and shit but this place is primarily for teh UFC and MMA so come monday i will post a link in this thread. it’s just gonna be me sharing stories from afghanistan and stuff and sharing some pics from over there. Hopefully i can actually continue to write over there as I don’t know exactly where I’ll be, or what the internet situation is gonna be but I’m pretty optimistic. i wrote the first post so it’ll be up monday morning before i do pt. maybe you will like it.
I can’t wait to read it man.
just dont pee on dead bodies and if you do dont share those pictures until AFTER you finish your career in the service.
i doubt i’ll even get a chance to stand over a dead body. perfectly fine with that.
anyway, for those of you who are not my facebook friend on facebook, I’ve been trying to get a picture posted up on one of my favorite interweb sites, thechive. i submitted 2 pics prior and this one finally made it. since i was in the field all this last month, i wasn’t able to let people on here know how internet famous I am now. It’s crazy how many people recognize me walking down the street doing my thang, as anthony cake johnson would say. I’ve signed so many autographs on titties it’s getting a bit hectic. I have to wear a disguise everytime i go outside. Being famous is hard.
the first post is up at Hyper Speed Robot. Second post will be up tomorrow morning. I hope you don’t think it sucks. >.<
^Haha butters! I will sleep good at night knowing we have super soldiers (and bears) like you protecting my freedomz.
nice i like the inclusion of the observer
i feel like perez hilton now! i’m such a celebrity blogger…i don’t know where mine would fit in though because it’s sooo retarded. thanks for checking it out though. maybe after i get back i can transform it into something else…
off to a good start. Log in BRO = lulz
You easily have the wackiest service blog in military history. Looking forward to more.
I left my mark on the site…….
Critique time: started out really haha, fizzled a little towards the end. Still, you’re a deranged lunatic & I dig it. I would mail you some delicious, homemade cookies to celebrate but you’re a badass GI Joe who would never be caught dead eating sparkly, chewy molasses cookies!! HOOAAAA!!
second post is up http://hyperspeedrobot.com/
thanks for the honest feedback guys. i expect nothing less!
I’m working on the next post…this blogging stuff is hard when i can’t take content from other mma blogs. lol
Dude, “inspired by” content is what MMA bloggery is all about.
nothing is ever stolen in the army, it is just “acquired.”
ben awhile since my last post been busy and shit and only been able to write a few things that i haven’t been able to finish but here’s a quickie one i did so you will still love me
http://hyperspeedrobot.com/2012/03/05/hey-zombies-come-eat-the-people-of-washington/
lulz!
thanks cap. I got another one up…got off work early and finished what i started a few weeks ago. half of this was written in my head so please forgive me i can’t pull over any farther.
http://hyperspeedrobot.com/2012/03/06/i-know-how-to-time-travel/
this one is more of a rant. but maybe you will still laugh too because Hyper Speed Robot is the best evah army blog in teh woooorld
http://hyperspeedrobot.com/2012/03/09/i-will-party-hard-in-2013/
working on a review of the weapons i have shot in the last 2 years. Get ready New York Times. Butt holes.
This is my last post for Hyper Speed Robot in Merica. I don’t know what the internet situation is gonna be in Afghanerstan, so, this may POSSIBLY BE MY LAST POST EVAHS!!!! check this out and tell your facebook friends becuse GAAAAHHH just do it
click here for enlightenment>> http://hyperspeedrobot.com/2012/03/20/me-and-the-interwebs-are-bffs-4-life-homie/
my marine buddy over there seems to have fairly consistant access to the internets but he is a 1st Lt.
officers can eat a dick! i’m crossing my fingers for good internets.
Good luck over there lil buddy. Draw as much as possible.
he started a pvt and mustanged up
Phoeninja–>have some fucking patience!! You will eventually be transferred or recognized for your efforts. Or you won’t. Either way, there isn’t much you can do about it short of going AWOL.