Kevin James MMA Movie Script
November 18, 2010 at 2:44 pm #24214
So that fat guy from that stupid movie mall cops is making a movie…another one, I know he sucks. You guys already know this.
I found the script that was written by Kevin James at the onlineweb at mmamoviescripts.org. thanks to subo for faxing me the link. yeah he’s stupid because he faxed it. i don’t even have a fax machine, so long story short, he hand fucking delivered that shit. Wierd. He could have just called but said that phones are for wierdos and faggots. And fat people. He could have just borrowed his mom’s phone.
But anywaaay, here’s the script written by kevin james:
Scene One: ext. school parking lot. Haha so I’m eating this donut with jelly dripping down off it and I’m looking like a complete jackass because I’m an idiot and fat so this is funny. Insert a laugh track here because the audience might not know this. Anyway, so I’m eating this donut with jelly dripping, and this punk kid comes up to me and slaps the donut from my hand and calls me a funny fat person name, like Tubby McTubberson or something. Lol. He says like, man this is too funny. I can’t top what I did in my other movies. We’ll just wing it out there. OK? Cool. the punk kid could be like, one of those hot guys from twilight. yeah, mmmm….
CUT TO: Me crying because I don’t know how to fight. It’s just one tear though. But then when we film this part, I’ll start crying more probably because my movies sux lmao jk…lol . i wish i could literally laugh my ass off. i’m fat.
So blah blah blah, middle part of the movie, robots probably and me rolling down hills, arriany celeste totally bones me at the end of the movie.
oh and i punch people or something and get in fights which are totally going to be insane because in the movie I play this half retarded guy with no pain threshold so i’ll just be getting pounded so hard by all these different guys, and then I’ll get beat up by the fighters after I have a “fake” gay sex scene. It will be ironic.
Then Dana White sees me after watching my montage and he wants me to be an Ultimate Fighter, and I’ll officially be one once I wear skulls, birdies, rhinestones, glitter and whatever else is on stupid MMA shirts that I love so much.
Alright, so this is where the twist happens. My character Peter Dong Savage-Dragon was actually an undercover mall cop the whole time, and this really was just a sequel to Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
Then a bunch of jewel thieves try to takes my diamonds I was paid from when I was ultimate fighting but they’re no match for me. With my new laser guided missilearm surgery Lorenzo Fertita gifted me on Facebook with I will be so deadly you have no idea. NO IDEA. This is where Mark Walhaberg comes in and he’s been the guy who originally won the first UFC in 1993. He plays Royce Gracie.
Ben Kinglsey will play the part of Dana White, and Arianny Celeste will be played by Halle Berry. I’m gonna have my boy Will Smith in this too because Chuck Liddell is going black for this movie.
So that’s pretty much it. Add in a few farting moments in there and that’s comedy gold.
______________________________________________________________________________________November 18, 2010 at 6:02 pm #102703
lol at robotsNovember 18, 2010 at 7:20 pm #102709
Anybody down for a midnight showing? I’ll bring the scissors to cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn tub.November 19, 2010 at 6:43 am #102773
i’m down. i hope the script doesn’t get revised.
it can’t be worse than Never Back Down 2.November 24, 2010 at 6:32 pm #103295
” thanks to subo for faxing me the link. yeah he’s stupid because he faxed it. i don’t even have a fax machine”
My very favoite and only part I literally LOL’d
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