Made: Great interview for a job where i would go around town and upgrade gas and electric meters. 18.00+ and hour plus incentive pay. I get my own vehicle, fire proof clothing, PDA and work phone.
Damn son, that sounds too good to be true. I’ll pray to the imaginary guy tonight, just for you.
yeah allah willing i get this. its only for like 7 months but if i do well i can go and work other cities or states.
funny part is the lady who interviewed me had been watching the UFC and Strikeforce with co-workers. she thought Frankie Edgar was really fast.
Never knew UFC connection would help when interviewing for a job. Sounds better than Target.
UFC connection totally helps
Never, ever tell her where you write
Good for you Clint…..good luck!! And great skill!!!!
frick i used to use that very avatar way back when
Made my day: hearing nursing staff referring to me as ‘eye candy’ when they thought I was out of earshot.
Ruined my day: having to cannulate 92 year old demented people.
who knew english nurses preferred wookies
^ pot call kettle black much???! or more accurately, freckled northern woodsman calling pasty white trogdolyte furry
College football returns tonight bitches!!
damn you got me there and i like your use of troglodyte, even if you misspelled it
Reverend Clint 7 months, 2 weeks ago.
Damn son, that sounds too good to be true. I’ll pray to the imaginary guy tonight, just for you.
yeah allah willing i get this. its only for like 7 months but if i do well i can go and work other cities or states.
funny part is the lady who interviewed me had been watching the UFC and Strikeforce with co-workers. she thought Frankie Edgar was really fast.
Good luck man!!!
Never knew UFC connection would help when interviewing for a job. Sounds better than Target.
UFC connection totally helps
Never, ever tell her where you write
Good for you Clint…..good luck!! And great skill!!!!
frick i used to use that very avatar way back when
Made my day: hearing nursing staff referring to me as ‘eye candy’ when they thought I was out of earshot.
Ruined my day: having to cannulate 92 year old demented people.
Carcass–>FUCKING GROSS!!
who knew english nurses preferred wookies
^ pot call kettle black much???! or more accurately, freckled northern woodsman calling pasty white trogdolyte furry
College football returns tonight bitches!!
damn you got me there and i like your use of troglodyte, even if you misspelled it
What’s gross about cannulation? Are you getting mixed up with catheterisation? Because I try and avoid that as much as possible.
Ruined: Getting a year of supervised probation and waiting for them to call me and tell me just how big a dildo I’ll have up my ass for the next twelve months.
Ruined: My x-box just hit me with the red ring of death are you fucking kidding me the new Halo game is out in 2 weeks!
There’s this whole elaborate wrap it in a towel thing that you can google
Maybe something similar will work with my PO
Yeah I saw that but you get a 3 year warranty on red ring of death problems, the only thing is you need to send it off to Microsoft to get it fixed which takes like 3 weeks. Maybe I will try the towel thing…
i fixed my own xbox the first time it died… only lasted like 3 months though. I have gone through 4 of them
Carcass–>isnt that shoving tubes in or s’thing??
Ruined: I never even play the damn thing but my Wii is dying. Yes I know how that sounds & it works both ways!!
thats what you get for having a WII
Frick – cannulation is sticking an IV line in a vein.
That’s not so bad. But I am sqeamish….
^ PUSSY!!!
Don Frye does not approve of you.
Ruined: Had to pay a parking ticket today, sure it may have been my own fault but I’m still gutted. £60!
Made: Going to UFC 124 and not with a cast on this time.
Leti!
Made: birfday sex came back for more
Made: FINALLY got back in the gym tonight!!
Made: So far, nothing.
Ruined: Vacation ends tomorrow. Fuck that.
Made: went to a really good blues festival yesterday.
Ruined: didnt wear sunscreen so im a sunburned pretty good.
made: birthday sex with ex girlfriend. it’s like riding a bike
ruined: spending any time other than naked time with any of my ex girlfriends
Holy shit! Swede is still alive!
Made: BOISE STATE WON!!!
Ruined: My blood pressure was going ape shit during the game.
^you need to get a life or some vagina
Nah, good for the Broncos – fuck the BCS
Made: Had a pretty good weekend.
Ruined: This site is completely fucked up when I view it from work.
Ruined: had a crapload of steroids etc pumped into my blown out knuckle this morning. Still no diagnosis beyond, “you done fucked that thing up, bitch.” Remember, kids, MMA is a contact sport!
Made: the pain meds just kicked in. Wheeeeee..!
Didn’t suggest a pistol, huh?
Also, booze? I mean, isn’t that what it’s for?
Made: Got free ticket to go to US Open tonight w/a friend!! Nadal quarterfinal. WOO HOO!!
made: $1 box of krispy kream donuts
ruined: i am fats.
Made: Frick admits he is gay and goes to US open
Ruined: Been sick with Strep throat for 3 days now
Made: Haven’t had to go to my “job”, which is luckily ending very soon so I can get back to doing my shit full time!
Ruined: 50 minutes into a 330 minute block o’ college.
Made: Probably getting laid later
Made: Subo said yes to me!!
Clint–>ironically, the guy that brought me to the Open IS gay.
Made: Fight w/wife has lasted from Monday to today. Haven’t had to talk to her all week!!
ruined: getting put on a mandatory 30 hour week at the library because of the goddamn financial crises
ruined: found out the retard I work with makes $19.44….to fall asleep at his desk/eat cookies/steal my pens/force me to do all the work he is too retarded to do…
ruined: he is not getting his hours cut
ruined: health insurance is being cut too (i’ll have to go to the student doctor from now on)
made: i’ll have more free time to drink myself into a coma
Made: Seeing your miserable lives crumble
Made: MFC is on tonite, so it gives me something to watch tonight
Made: Found a new anime called High School Of The Dead and it’s awsome!
Ruined: I still have a runny nose.
damn frick i hope your wife is ok… you i dont care
Ruined: I think subo said it best in his comment on facebook, i havent heard back from the sweet job
Ruined: Clint didn’t get the job
Made: Clint posts GIF of Tawnee’s booty.
Ruined: Found out an old friend just spent 3 weeks in a coma and 7 in recovery. For a weird german disease that no one understands the source of.
Made: Last day on antibiotics.
Ruined: Finding out I have to work all weekend.
Made: Just watched Enter the Dragon, fucking sweet.
Ruined: Early start tomorrow at work.
I’m impressed that DJ knows who Tawnee is.
Uber–>OHARA’S TREACHERY HAS DISGRACED US
I’m a highly decorated bootiologist. WORLD CLASS.
^^haha….I asked my doctor what he could prescribe to dull the pain of marriage. He said “love & respect”.
everyone is world class anymore
ruined: got crippling nerve damage in my groin from the mesh they used to fix hernias, and have spent the last 4+ years recovering. if you can imagine having Wanderlei Silva hate your balls, and attack them every few minutes for the rest of your life, it’s like that.
made: for a white guy i have an enormous penis
ruined: don’t get to use it much because the balls hurt
made: once the lawsuit is finished i’ll be rich as fuck
ruined: the wife is leaving me
made: Hooray! the wife is leaving me! Woo Hoo! now i can finally watch my MMA in peace (she wasn’t a fan)
What’s the point of being rich if your nads hurt all the time? I would rather be poor, but with healthy nads than rich and in pain.
who needs nuts anyways… they are over rated
totally agreed, there is NOTHING as horrible as chronic pain in your groin. yeah i’d rather be poor and healthy, i was just trying to look at the bright side.
“what’s the point”as you put it? at this point its just to be a good dad, and have as much fun as i can given my circumstances (watching MMA like a fiend all the time is one of the ways i distract myself). i’m just happy to be alive man. though it is a completely different quality of life when you have to live with chronic pain. you learn to make lemonade out of lemons in that kind of situation, otherwise you’d end up killing yourself. you’d be surprised how many people end up taking their own lives because they can’t deal with it, being in emergency room level pain all the time takes its toll on you. i have awesome kids so it keeps me going. i consider myself a lucky guy.
Clint, don’t hate on these nuts!!
Made: there’s hardly anything to do at work, so they’re paying me to watch DJ tutorials and MMA vids on YouTube. More or less. I hear shit gets insane later in the year, but for now…pleased.
Ruined: broke my nose on Sunday in a freak accident and found out today I might have a skull fracture. As my friend said, “there should be a lot more steps between ‘hit in face by dumpster lid’ and ‘high probability of meningitis.’”
Made: my significant other thinks my crooked nose is cute.
If he didn’t think it was cute, would you have beat his ass?
Made: …. nothing yet
Ruined: have to go to school
ruined: iphone brokt (who new it wouldn’t survive being dropped 1100 times?) and they won’t let me resign my contract to get a cheaper one until february, so i get to have a crack whore track phone for 5 months
thats what you get for having an iphone
Ruined: tornado/storm knocks out power to my block, preventing me from finishing some desktop publishing for work.
Made: “thats what you get for having an iphone”
Made: DJ’s a crabby mcsadpants
Ruined: No fighty for Matty this weekend.
Made: Life is fucking good.
Made: KOTC is on tonight
Ruined: My bro knocked up his gf. Why are people so stupid? They argue all the time (like frick and his wife), so why bring a kid into that setting?
Five Bolt…..Do you have any wire hangers or a large staircase? Is your shitzupoopooo or whatever the fuck it is well trained? Pull out all the stops…..it is your mission Fiver….your mission.
@FiveBoltMain
it’s all about the Royal Tea (like the Nirvana song). a couple of cups of that stuff and she’ll piss that baby right out. my old room mate used to use that shit for birth control. its like a morning after pill for hippies.
Made: don’t have alcohol class initiation until monday. Getting trashed tonight!
Ruined: Booty call took a spill and has a nasty bruise on her leg. No banging for a minute
DP, that is a very disturbing avatar.
FiveBolt–>getting along w/the wife today so FUCK YOU!!
Made: Wife’s b-day & I’m actually enjoying that notion.
Also made: after 8 yrs of marriage, no need to buy my wife a b-day gift.
Ruined: old site forums seemed to load faster for me, makes me not want to hang in the forums as much!!
If you abandon us frick, who will watch over the flock?
I’m here. You’re queer. Get used to it.
That’s the bitter frick we all love. The bitterer, the better
Made: It’s the weekend
Ruined: it’s raining
Made: It’s raining in Clintland.
Made: It’s motherfucking sunny here bitches!
Ruined: Nothing
Made: Won costume contest on Saturday @ volleyball tourney dressed as synchronized swimmers (1 piece, cap, goggles & noseplugs).
Ruined: This site stinks so none of you will be able to witness my male camel toe.
Ruined: my 2 year old cat died out of no where on saturday night
made: i sold my vw westfalia for 3k
sorry to hear about the cat.
ruined: date for brother’s wedding bailed less than a week before the event
ruined: had to ask my girlfriend
made: girlfriend couldn’t go (and didn’t ask questions cause she’s a dumby)
made/ruined: taking the girl that got assaulted by the bottle in july
Green, it sucks about your cat. It’s never fun losing a pet that young.
Ruined: Antifreeze delivery was supposed to go to FBM’s house not Greenseed’s. DAMMINT!
Seriously bro….sorry to hear the baby kitty. Kitties are the bestest.
Josh, just do me a favor…..don’t get any more diseases.
Made: Cablevision came by & counter-offered what FIOS charges to save me some money!!
Ruined: Once again, I’ll be losing HD Net….
Made: never had HDnet to lose
The 1 on 1 interview show w/Mike Straka is good & they show some good lower-tier fight stuff. Plus, Mark Cuban recently announced that they struck a deal w/the UFC to show their footage & have access @ events.
HDNet is cool, but a wee bit overrated. Hopefully their new UFC deal helps them out.
Made: Alcohol class sounds like they’ll just breathalyze me and I still haven’t heard from my PO
Ruined: My half brother is getting married in Vegas next weekend and I can’t go
Ruined: Bad headache
made: everybody else’s ruinedness on this thread
ruined: slow guy has the snifles, and you know he’s not blowing his nose, so i get to deal with him sniffing for 6 hours unless i physically force the boogers out of him
made: it’s obvious he sneezed on his sleeve, there’s snot everywhere and im not telling him
I’ve suffered head trauma so hard that it literally cleared my sinuses. Do you have a baseball bat?
made: Glad to be sitting in my office far, far away from everyone else. Well, minus one person.
^ Jesus?
Parents are in Mexico for the week, so no one is home to cook, which means fast food is going to do a number on my stomach
The cool thing is that they bring Mexican candy.
^ if you are older than 23, this is a sad statement
Where have you been Josh? You should know by now that I can’t cook. I almost burned down the kitchen a couple of years ago.
Good point jawsh. I figured he meant pussy….but we’re talking about FBM here.
He’s always had quite a sweet tooth….silly rascal.
You tease because you love me
FiveBolt–>you will be a terrible wife if you don’t learn to cook.
Made: went to parent/teacher night last night……..daughter’s 2nd grade teacher is FUCKING HOT!!
Sucks to be married huh?
… doesnt suck enough if you get my drift
and we want pics… of you daughter for fivebolt and of the teacher for us men
ruined: hung over on a thursday (from 4 beers and 2 shots of sambuca…)
ruined: old
Ruined: Take my first piss test today. Twice a month randomly for the next twelve. Sure hope they’re expecting this first one to be hot.
Made: I have you guys, the Internet and I’m not nearly as fat as I once was, so together we should be able to figure this out. Send me tips tricks and protocols
Here’s a novel idea, how about you dont use whatever it is that got you in trouble fucktard!
drink tons of tea
Drink tons of rat poison.
Stop smoking weed you stupid motherfucker.
Yeah you stupid hippy!!
But wait a minute….there’s no blogging in prison. Hmmmm.
Subo wouldn’t last a day in prison. His deep voice would drive the booty bandits nuts.
not true omo… people still blog from prison but its not live blogs.
Several days late, my bad — FBM, ordinarily I’d say yes, but then I remembered that the first time we had sex, I ended up with a split lip after a forehead/face collision, and we had to pause for several minutes while I got the bleeding under control. So…yeah. I should probably avoid any beatings, seeing as I’d probably get TKO’d worse than GSP fighting Serra.
Ruined: Prisoners are allowed to blog.
Made: 119 tonight bitches!
I always sensed the tension between FBM and nem0….makes sense now.
running/exercising worked for me when i was a directionless vagabond
Omo, you crazy!
I had to go back a page to see what I said to her. I still don’t know what she’s talking about.
Made: By boys dominated Tampa yesterday.
Made: Great night of sleeping.
Ruined: I’ll keep you posted.
Made: WEC coming up this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Made: Going to the WEC this week!
Good for you Subotic!!
Who did you get fucked by in order to get tickets subo?
made: Got the sweet job i thought was lost. 2 weeks of paid training in napa at $21 an hour
Pics or STFU!
Good job Subo, Congrats. Now don’t fuck it up.
My parents bought a Chihuahua in TJ and brought it home.
^ if that “made” your day you need slapped woman
It didn’t make or ruin my day. I’m undecided about the hood rat.
Anyone else watching Nikita on CW? Maggie Q is smoking hot. She’s my weekly dosage of yellow fever
Ruined: Going to a MADD panel when you don’t drive drunk. For the record, if I’m ever killed by a drunk driver and my parents make a photo montage of my life, PLEASE don’t let them set it to “Right Now” by Van Halen.
Made: Tomorrow!
Can I get a schedule of your MADD classes. Then I can pre-plan my Made: days.
tell the MADD bitches that you cant help it if their husbends dont fuck them anymore and they shouldnt take it out on people who like to drink
made: got to ride my bike for 2 hours today (70 degrees in october = a good day)
ruined: probably the last nice day until spring
ruined: the girl that i woke up next to this morning had breath that smelled like she had just finished eating a poop sandwich
made: she had HUGE BOOBS
made: morning glory + shower sex > dookie breath
Made: It’s Friday bitches!!!
I swear FBM…you and the cursing..
Ruined: The chihuahua that my sis bought in TJ is sick. It has Bordetella. My sis is pretty bummed about it.
Made: Saw “Let Me In” over the weekend and Chloe Moretz was freaking awsome.
ruined: I google imaged chloe moretz thinking it was going to be a hot chick and it was an 11 year old….
made: FBM is a bigger sex pervert than me
You need to stop talking to Omo. He’s nothing but a big fat liar.
made:making $175 a day for training… Thats gonna be for the next 3 weeks. Suck it subo
Made: Found a detox thingy people swear by, haven’t smoked since the fights and have an at-home test to try flushing tomorrow
Ruined: $30 a pop, plus the fact that Clint has a job and I do not speaks to the failure of capitalism
Made: I dropped out/failed out of college after 1 illustrious year. Yet, I make way more than any of you college grads. Suck it higher education!!
Ruined: In class sober. This sucks so much more without weed
frick, giving hand jobs in dark alleys doesn’t count as a job.
Ruined: My dog has pancreatic cancer that spread to his liver. I had to watch him be put down today.
I’d rather be bitching about class.
FBM…I think you’re the opposite of a pervert…….which I guess would make you an even bigger pervert.
That doesn’t make sense.
Made: Boss is out on vacation for the rest of the week.
Made: Diego (the new chihuahua) is making a nice recovery. He can walk & eat solid food now.
SORRY SUBOTIC. THAT FUCKING SUXX.
I know if I had my wish, you would have traded places w/him….
Ruined – working all weekend, I cleaned my trainers and got a haircut for nothing.
ruined: i have to drive back to train on sunday.
Made: im making $22 an hour and getting a free hotel room.
ruined: the great Omomatta is a boys fan WTF!
made: I cannow start calling him Homomatta
Homomatta Toney Homo
c–3
@ G – Fuck Dallas!!! Are you freebasing again? Black and Gold motherfucker.
Made: Spent the morning at the pumpkin patch with my girl and her pre-school class.
Made: Half day of work.
Ruined: G Funk’s losing his mind.
G Funk has definetely lost his marbles. Omo would rather eat crap and die than root for the Cowboys. He’s a die hard Steelers fan.
Ruined: My sinuses are acting up again.
“Ruined: My sinuses are acting up again.”
I fucking laughed out loud at my desk when I read that. You are one of a kind FB.
made: pictured FBM as the mexican version of the 40 year old virgin
FiveBolt–>is it true if you don’t use it, you lose it?
He puts the pussy on a pedestal.
Thank god Omo, you can never say “my boys” in a sentence related to FB without someone thinking bout, “america’s team”. Fuck that monacker!
frick: that’s a myth.
josh: I’m not that nerdy or awkward.
G Funk: Don’t hate me because I have high standards
Do your fantasies consist of anime girlies? Don’t lie to me muthafuckah!
Let’s all be friends here FBM…..”Doesn’t like rap” isn’t high standards.
^ laughed so loud the tranny at the next computer (not joking) gave me a “girl you must be trippin” look!
made: my new job is like retard easy
Okay…define retard easy.. Because to be honest, I don’t think retards have many things that are easy…besides humping legs and jerking off in high school bathrooms (don’t hate..i had way too many run ins)
However, if you’re doing a job that a retard could do…I say Awesome!!!
G Funk- nope
So Rev. has officially joined the GlassJawsh group of retard jobs, albeit for much more $$$$
FBM, that serious, simple answer raises my suspicions that you’re lying you sick anglo wannabe!
FBM…I’ll answer your question. Oh yes he did.
I don’t dream that often. I’m lucky if I have one dream a month. And most of the times, it never makes any sense. The last one that I had, I was killing zombies one minute, then all of a sudden, I was eating dinner with some chick.
Fantasies are not dreams you damn chicano!
I have no fantasies! Those are for chumps and chumpettes!
the last dream I had i was telling joe rogan a story about this dream i had where i saw a rabbit’s ears grow to 10 feet long before turning green, grabbing the girl i was talking to and ass raping her to death while bashing her face into a bloody mess against a wall. It was….awkward
That’s messed up on so many levels that it’s not even funny. You need professional help.
Mr. Whiskers isn’t coming back Joshy…….
ruined: got into an altercation with a tranny on the 2nd floor of the library (he/she/it was wearing a VERY short skirt and stiletto heels) because the cocksucker was screaming at it’s mom over the phone and wouldn’t shut the fuck up. I told her/it? to keep quiet and was told to “fuck off white boy, this ain’t none yo business” when i told her she’d have to leave. then two more trannies showed up and we had to call the police to get them to leave.
wtf? this is indiana I figured we’d be repressed enough to have laws against that?
You have to move to UT if you don’t want to see trannies.
There are much much worse things in Utah.
You talking about polygamist? Those are the worst.
ha ha.
well to define retard easy I basically drive around and install new gas and electric meters. i get all my shit together on a dolly and walk up and down the street knocking on peoples doors so i can give them time to shut off a computer and then just replace the old meter with a new one that sends a signal to the power company. some people refuse so i just put that down in my little pda and let PGE take care of it. Plus i get my own truck, phone, equipment and i get paid $18.50 an hr. it sucks right now because I have been training in 90 degree weather when where i live it rarely gets over 70.
made: my new ipad clone is pretty cool
Made: Hardy went night night
Ruined: Sexyama
made: the girl ive been seeing has a VERY hot cousin that is VERY interested (something about redheads….)
ruined: dumping a chick for her relative is jerry springer shit
I’ve done that before a couple of times. The original girl will hate you for life son!
would make for some fun family get together if you guys make it a while.
Very fun get together. Just don’t get stabbed.
Don’t do it Josh. You’re going to get shanked!!
Like, blood cousins? Or in laws?
Ruined: Next piss test next week’s gotta be bueno. Gonna try to be good and put all the extra time to some sort of productive use (blogging counts).
Made: Pulled a 91 on critical thinking exam I missed because of WEC hangover and other people in class were in the 20′s
Ruined: Still rewiring my brain to forget about someone
Made: Getting better at it
@ subo – blood cousins, hot ass blood cousins
also, I’ve found that alcohol (irish car bombs) and anger tend to solve problems like your’s. I’d suggest taking the empty jameson bottle the car bombs inevitably produce and smashing it against the railroad tracks by the christian school down the street at 330 am, trust me it helps
ruined: Robbie Hummel blew out his ACL….again http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=5691032
I was banging fingers with a lady saturday morning and got up to piss. on the way to the bathroom i saw that I had 11 missed texts and phone calls from purdue buddies telling me the news. I WAS SO UPSET I COULD NOT ACHIEVE AN ACCEPTABLE ERECTION
ruined: my morning. I spent the next hour on my couch hugging a basketball. wondering why i chose a school that more cursed than james irvin
ruined: she called me a faggot and left
^ What’s your avatar suppose to be?
samus
http://dalje.com/slike/slike_3/r1/g2008/m05/x31172323943030173_11.jpg
lol at “she called me a faggot and left” – bitch don’t understand Big Ten basketball? Ain’t my bitch.
Made: Some faggot Boilermaker got hurt (again). Go Buckeyes!
Oh shit…..Jawsh is a closet Nintendo nerd!!
I get shit for having an anime avatar, but it’s okay for Josh to have Metroid as his avatar?
WTF bitches!?
His avatar is a fucking supersoldier!! Yours is a chick in a pom pom hat.
POM POM HAT. That’s pretty much how I picture you FiveBolt.
@GlassDick, didn’t you once chastise me for making a basketball post talkin bout, who cares bout basketball? And you can’t fuck a girl waiting to be fucked cause of some BS NCAA injury?!?!! You muthafucking fag!
“ruined: she called me a faggot and left”
The one that got away….
@ don’tfaketheFUNKonanastydunk – It’s different when you paid a school over $30000. you’re literally invested (to be fair, I went to school for free for the first few years, but they still got paid because of me so i think that still counts)
also im pretty sure you were talking about duke or north carolina. and yeah….fuck them
@ FBM – until an anime character can shoot rockets from her hands, spin around on the floor like a soccer ball and defeat motherbrain IN OUTER SPACE before stripping down to her bikini 8 bit style, you’re going to continue to get shit
That is some straight up double standard BS. They’re both fictional characters idolized by 20 something year old guys.
HOLD THE FUCK ON HERE…….FiveBolt–>you’re “idolizing” them?? Your words pal, your words.
Idolize, admire, like, it’s the same shit to me
so are Daisy Duke and BA Barracus (20 years ago) but they are nothing alike
your logic is fail
http://yepyep.gibbs12.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/fail-owned-meat-origin-fail.jpg
http://www.wattix.com/blog/chilligan/invalid.jpg
made: finally tracked down the son of a bitch that stole my beloved schwinn two months ago
ruined: you guessed it! he’s retarded….. another autistic guy. this one is nicknamed ninja because he goes to karaoke bars and does karate forms while singing avril lavigne/kelly clarkson/carrie underwood.
WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE>??!!!
You busted your own DAD for stealing your bike?? You should probably kill yourself now.
^ lol’ed
Just give him a potato and tell him it’s a bike.
There seems to be a high ratio of mentally disabled folks in Jawshes town. I’m sure it has nothing to do with inbreeding…
made: chili cheese hotdog and onion rings and chicken nuggets.
ruined: my toilet.
Joshy oh boy. Retard isn’t a nice word you fucktard!
Seriously, why are there so many retards in your neck of the woods?
made: finally start work here on tuesday… no more training in the bay area
Made: It is official that baby jebus is a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.
Ruined: Cain didn’t get the opportunity to completely remove Brock’s cheek and lips.
IFC is going to air a British zombie mini-series, Dead Set, starting tonight at midnight.
@ Omo, I think it has less to do with divine intervention and more to do with the fact that the fucking ref. is a Pitt native! Biggest BS calls of all BS calls! FUCK!!!
Yeah…that’s my cousin….Manuel. As for BS calls……….yes it was. It sucks to win the bet this way…..but I’ll take it.
I would write haha or ha! or lol or some chit but I can’t meign. It still makes me hot and tightens my fucking stomach bro…
I’ll do it for you. haha! ha! lol! blarharharharharhar!!
Any relief?
NO
How long have you guys been dating?
Made: you’re all a bunch of faggots
What does that make you since you’re always hanging around us?
first.
Ruined: tweaked my knee 2 1/2 wks ago running 4 miles on treadmill. SHIT IS STILL ACHING!!
made: frick is old as hell
ruined: Ill be there in like 8 years
made: this girl http://www.hotdailyvideos.com/game/2259/Working-Girl.html?utm_source=wahoha.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=wahoha
Her belly is not attractive grasshoppah!
made: Not old and crippled like Frickshun.
Ruined: At work…no linky.
cocks
I still jump higher & run faster than you all….
So what, you’re still old as fuck and your knee is aching
I’m still taller.
made: work is pretty awesome
A gather from your twenty work related posts that you like your job Clint, good for you!
it eats up 10hrs of my day but im happy
id post more but am so tired after work
Boo hoo. My job is never less than 10 hours a day. It USED TO BE 12 HOURS!! You’ll get used to it.
my job is 24/7
^^Korean Pimps never get to rest.
made: watched public enemies for the first time last night, swooned over don frye
ruined: Ill never have a glorious mustache
Ruined: No snow this morning.
Made: Trick or treat this weekend bitches!
I’m having carne asada for lunch bitches!!
Funny, I thought you only ate dick?
my bad..
C’mon Omo, you know me better than that. Ryan & Jake are the only ones who eat that
I guess I forgot.
frick your job might be more then 10 hrs but is it outdoors? do you have to deal with crackheads? The rain? Dogs? Climbing through bushes? SPIDERS!?
^^Korean Pimps never get to rest.
correct.
made: not my bed.
Spiders??? I’m fucking out!!
big fucking spiders and weird fucking people.
One guy on my crew had to deal with a guy going through rehab who got confused as to where he lived like an hour after my buddy swapped out his meters. My friend had to show him where he lived, then later had to tell the cops where he lived too.
i can be shocked or have a meter explode in my face.
made: Clint’s story brings me back to braving disgusting hoarders homes and taking out piss/blood stained mattresses while delivering new ones. People are absolutely shameless about having people in their homes. “Fuck you, I live here.”
ruined: Girl I haven’t seen in eight months just shows up at my house with a friend and expects… God only knows but probably not me throwing her out. Get a clue.
^ kick her to the curb… american history x style
Hey Clint,
i would turn those meters off before you work on them. It’s a lot safer
Down under, it’s actually written law that if you can turn it off, you must. But then down here we have funnel webs and red backs, and all other sorts of really venomous shit, not to mention irrate koalas, they can be vicous little fuckers …
How can the meter blow up in yo face son? Clint went from lovin to hatin on his job real fast!
Goldenarms might be right bout Subo being a fag after reading his last comment…
nah still like it. If a piece of the meter or the electrical box makes it ground the meter will explode or shoot across the road. I heard a story of a guy who pulled one out and part of the jaws, the part of the electrical box that connects the meter, fell out of were weak and the box arched. The meter flew across the road like 30 ft. But most of the time it will just shoot some sparks or flames which is why i wear spark/fire proof clothing, rubber and leather gloves, a hard hat with face shield and protective glasses.
So you be playing hockey goalie while working?
arc flashes are nothing to joke about. trust Fernando…he knows.
I wouldn’t fuck with the bugs in Australia.
I got bugs in Australia once…..she was totally worth it.
Ruined: The hot water knob in my bathroom sink stopped working last night.
Made: I fixed it all by myself.
quit pulling on your own knob… let someone else take care of it for you
^ HAAHAHA beat me to it
Something tells me that because of the stories that Jawshie has shared, FBM has decided to polish his own knob rather than get stabbed…..or laced with the hivers.
I make a comment about fixing my faucet and you guys turn it into a sex joke. I love you guys
^ Like that wasn’t what you were metaphorically of.
Quiet you!!
Ruined: My wife’s close cousin/our very close dear friend died yesterday morning at the age of 28. She lost her battle with depression, though you wouldn’t think that she suffered from that because she was such a nice, kind hearted, outgoing person who always has an inviting smile on her face…
The whole family is devastated…These are hard times right now guys. RIP Jessica
sorry to hear about your loss
That sucks, man. Condolences.
@G funk – usually i am an asshole towards people and their problems, but depression is one of the most fucked up diseases in existence. you are unhappy and you literally have no explanation for it. no matter what you do or how far you get in life, it never seems like its enough. As a person who is outwardly quite happy,but has battled internal depression since I was 15, my heart goes out to you and yours
Sorry G. No words for loss like that.
Im sorry to hear about this. My thoughts are with you guys durring this tough moment in life.
I’m not going to be like the rest of these guys and say that my thoughts and prayers go towards you. That’s not my style. I will, however, say CHEER UP BUCK-O! In a week, the pain will go away. Sure, once in a while you might see or hear something that will remind you of her and it will make you cry, but that’s life. You have to pick up the pieces and carry on.
Thank you guys, we appreciate your words and thoughts during this tough time. FBM go fuckyourself you inconsiderate bastard
Didn’t I tell you to be quite!? Don’t make me drive to whatever ghetto ass city you live in and duct tape your mouth shut
FiveBolt = insensitive jerkface
All of my relationships are broken except for my children, my wife & a few close friends (Subo & Dove Strangler). But I doubt G will be “forgetting in a week” about a very close friend/family member. Dummy.
I will say 1 thing to balance out FBM’s stupidity. Don’t mourn the loss. Celebrate the life. And if FiveBolt dies, CELEBRATE THE LOSS.
I said the pain (the crappy feeling you get when a close friend passes away) would go away after a week, not that he was going to forget her you acktard. If he forgot about her in a week, then he obviously wasn’t good friends with her. And that would make him a dick.
Damn boy, learn to read. Didn’t your mama teach!?
When you get into your late teens you might realize that feeling of pain is what truly makes us feel vital & alive. Up til now, the closest you’ve come to death is the batteries in your Zsu Zsu pets dying.
^By the way…not a fun experience. Mr. Squiggles…..MR. SQUIGGLES!!!!!!!!
frick – Flattered to be on the list. The Internet has either opened communication with like-minded people I would have never met otherwise or that’s a continued excuse for my failure with people that I interact with in person.
Then again, they treat me like shit, so fuck em.
made: scored a date with a smokin hot mixed chick named gabbi
ruined: though i am not racist there is circumstantial evidence that says my penis is
edit: ill just beat you guys to it and admit that my idea of a 1st date is drinking high life on my porch, smoking GPC’s, and lying about myself while attempting to get head (works more than you’d think)
I’m no good at lying. If I get away with it, the girls dumbness is an instant turn off.
Ruined: Piss test tomorrow
made: Flushing brought me waaaaay down, plus i can smoke after the test
Get a Job you pot smoking hippie
I’ll take the first one offered – hard to smoke pot on no income
Maybe I’ll apply at Target again
you can use me as a reference
Ruined: had a dream and subo was there. We went to costco to buy some guns.
Made: Fivebolt’s Mom was a great kisser….and more.
Ruined: Caught a cold…
Made: delicious apple turnovers
Ruined: any chance of Fivebolt’s mom returning my calls after I took a dump on her chest this weekend. It’s true…….the body really does struggle to process whole corn!!
Laugh it up bitches. While you fuckers are sitting on your asses watching WEC 52 on tv/computer, I’ll be sitting front row bitches!!
^ pic or GTFO
edit: that goes for frick too
You want a pic of my tickets?
Do not throw a pic of her up. She’s my girl. Frick’s full of shit.
She also promised me one of those tickets….go ahead and ask her…I’ll wait.
ruined: hit by fucking korean driver in suv
made: my fucking humvee is the shit because it’s totally fine!!
and….
made: back from the fucking field bitches!!!
ruined: cold fucking shower in my room with no fucking hot motherfucking water!!!
They sell guns at Costco?!
that was just one of the weird things about that dream
Made: 2 free shows this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ruined: I can’t get motivated to get back to the gym when it’s freezing outside.
Made: Luckily, my genes keep me in better shape than the rest of you.
Made: My manly genes, although may not keep me rail thin, keep me warm when it’s above 15 degrees.
Made: I workout at home.
Ruined: Nothing.
Made: I live in a tropical paradise that doesn’t deter me from doing anything ever! In fact, I’m BBQing OUTSIDE tonight in a tank-top and shorts!
Ruined: I don’t get to see the seasons change
But then again, I really don’t give a fucks about that! 
Keep your tank tops and shorts. I’d rather have unsaturated balls 6 months out of the year.
A lil’ spite and jealousy I see. Live it up when you gots to put on umpteen layers of clothing to leave the house, only to take it all off when you get where ever you’re going(repeat over and over). And nice long walks in sub weather sounds awesome. Being trapped at home sure is awfully comfy.
You’re full of old wive’s tales aren’t you? Put a coat on and leave the house….take it off when I get there. I mean, maybe Frick wears long undies, a turtle neck, a fleece and Uggs when her runs to Costco….but I’m unfortunately equipped for man weather.
I’m sitting in my office wearing gloves right now if that’s any indicator. I’d take blazing hot weather every day than the cold. I’m just skin & bones, fellas!!
You guys should see my bunny slippers. They’re fucking legit!!
HAHA!
So Fernando, just how fat and hairy are you?
ruined: there is an old theater across the street from my apt. went there with some friends at about 1 in the morning last night (my buddy works sound for them so he has the keys) got drunk on pbr and challenged a brown belt (ive been a white belt for 3 years on account of my once monthly attendance) to roll….on stage. Not only did I get tapped 5 times in about 5 minutes (once via rape choke) but after words i fell off the stage into the orchestra pit and now my neck is killing me
ruined: still hungover at 2 in the afternoon on a tuesday
See, I don’t get that. I got fucking drunk last night and didn’t get home until about five. I wake up at one and my head feels like it’s full of feathers.
^ you got to sleep until 1 you layabout. some of us have jobs we have to go to
“So Fernando, just how fat and hairy are you?”
Are you making a pass at me?
I’m not fat or overly hairy. I think it’s my “large hands”, sheer manliness, or great circulation that keeps me warm. Yeah…one of those three things.
Nothing wrong with slippers. I HATE WET SOCKS!! Anyone with kids or dogs knows wassup.
Fernando, how does it feel to be leading the F-1 championship with 1 race to go?
The hard work has paid off.
ruined: the only girl ive ever really given a fuck about got engaged yesterday
made: fucked a half black chick
made: am an australian girl and a penguin away from poling someone from every continent
ruined: she was a biter
made: today is my birthday!!!
ruined: today is my birthday!!!
made: WEC 52 was the shit last night
ruined: there were loud mouthed drunks behind us
My sis said that I came out on tv last night. When Faber was getting checked by the ref, the camera panned to some drunk bitches screaming. I’m the guy on the right who’s staring up. Why am I staring up? I was watching a drunk retard dance on the 3rd floor. That geezer had some serious moves
^ gif or stfu!
for reals though, thats awesome and im jealous
No, don’t let him off lightly. Get to work and make the gif or GTFO Anime boi!
How the hell am I suppose to get a gif when I was at the fights? I didn’t record the card. You fucktards watched the card, use your memory
^ Damn son, you’re dumber than I thought. ;-P
I’m glad that I didn’t disappoint you
made: http://www.fightlinker.com/ortiz-to-fight-lil-nog#comment-73949
ruined: knowing that subo is still alive and i know will soon write something shitty again.
if there’s one thing about subo that is great(i think) is that he’s consistent with write shitty shit
Consistency is key to excelling in all aspects of life….even in sucking.
made: doing overtime i make enough in one day to buy a new xbox 360 or pay for 3/4 of my rent… suck on that subo.
Nice Clint.
made: eating some nasty dirty rice
made: getting paid for a major change order…without an argument
Made: cashing in “dinner bet” for picking Cain over Lesnar tonight!!
Made – Journalism class was so empty that teach canceled it, don’t have to go back for three full weeks (!)
Made – hot girl in said class wearing booty shorts in 30 degree weather
Ruined – This country gives Gus Johnson, Matt Millen, Ron Jaworski and Clint jobs while leaving me unemployed
Maybe if you weren’t a fucking pot head, then maybe little baby Jesus wouldn’t feel the need to bitch slap you at every chance he gets.
Jesus has a very passive/aggressive attitude if he’s going to make life and then ban its consumption.
I smoke plenty of weed and me & Jesus are TIGHT!
made: installed hid kit on my lincoln
ruined: the motherfucking turn signal bulb burnt out.
“Jesus has a very passive/aggressive attitude if he’s going to make life and then ban its consumption.”
Future Made: Subo actually gets a good job and then gets clipped for a random and loses it.
Ruined: Have to teach FBM how to replace his signal bulb.
^ You wish.
The bulb wasn’t burnt out. The fucktards who installed the HID kit forgot to plug in the wire harness. It took me 2 mins to remove the head light and re-attach the wire harness. Simple fix D:
^^Then you went home & burned a box of Kraft Cheez N Macaroni!!
made: free mma tomorrow
ruined: it’s Shitforce
^ your parents must pay for showtime
made: 3 day fucking weekend!
ruined: i’m fucking sick, got a raging boner headache for the past week….
Ruined: had to work in the rain and every meter had something go wrong with it.
Made: Still have a job
Made: Finally back to the gym & not feeling like a 98 lb weakling.
Ruined: Global warming is not working as advertised. Getting ccccolder every fucking day.
Made: Got invited on a company trip to Puerto Rico next month. 3 day weekend, all expenses paid!!
Now I just need to keep it from my co-workers so they don’t resent me for the next 4 weeks…..
made: Frick is getting maleria and possible Syph from a puerto rican tranny
Made: Clint’s mom will still have unprotected sex w/my penis (she doesn’t like to kiss).
Made/Ruined: Told that crazy lady that keeps fucking with my emotions not to contact me anymore. Smart, and I’m glad I had the balls to do it, but I’m going to keep missing the person she no longer is.
Subo should write poetry. He’s a tortured emo kid….
Made: BJ PENN and his sweet KO
Ruined: Big Tan Fucking Dan
frick i hope you have fun trying to hump ashes… especially unprotected.
Ruined: dumb people crying about smart meters, the things I install for my job.
Subo, I thought you already kicked your sister out?!
Made: Got my complimentary UFC 124 tickets today.
Ruined: THE CARD STILL SUCKS.
^ agreed, i will not make an effort to see another event until 126 (although i will avoid the news about 125 and watch the gomi/guida and aldo/grispi fights on mma-core the next day)
edit: for a guy who hates the way boxing sets up top heavy cards, DW has certainly set up 124 as a one trick pony. I bet subconsciously he and joe silva are banking on GSP’s name attracting on it’s own. WHICH IS A FUCKING DANGERSOUS (not to mention uber hypocritical) LINE OF THINKING
Made: Happy
Ruined: Sick
Ruined: My wife had a friend over Saturday afternoon and she stayed for the fights.
Made: This chick knew more about MMA than most of the guys I know! I only have a couple of friends that are hardcore fans. Now I have someone to split costs on ppvs! with boobs!
^dude i bet you have a few guy friends with boobs. might not be as nice as this lady but don’t lie.
One of the biggest male MMA fans in the world has boobs, Kevin james.
Made: Family came up from the bay area with my little brother.
true but I don’t lurk on man boobs!
So, when are you filing the papers and buying the engagement ring?
When she loses about 40 pounds.
^^Yuck.
Made: My wife has big, beautiful tittays.
Made: Your wife has big, beautiful tittays.
made: frick’s wife has big, beautiful tittays….but he sits at home wishing he could touch the young perky (read: haven’t been through 2 pregnancies) tittays that are just out of his reach
frick your wife’s tits arnt that big unless the pics on ur facebook is of your sister.
Actually, they’re a nice large C. She doesn’t exactly promote them. She daydreams about a reduction!!
oh yeah tell her i said thanks
“Actually, they’re a nice large C. She doesn’t exactly promote them. She daydreams about a reduction!!”
Blasphemy!!!
Ruined- ITS FUCKING COLD BRRRRRR! low 38*
Made-Its only for like two days, then its back to shorts and sandals (don’t hate)
i love the snow, cold doesn’t really bother me (my resting body temperature is 99.5) and heat makes me sleepy
made: lake effect snow, ill be on my board by the weekend!
^Can’t wait to get mine out. Probably not until after new years though.
Ruined: work is too fucking slow!! I hate getting paid much more than you guys to sit around doing nothing….
I’ve got a retarded 53 year old that needs babysat…..
God I love Frick’s douche humor! I’ll take you up on that Frick Frack.
I’m absolutely serious guys. I just spend 20 minutes pasting a co-workers face onto Greedo from Star Wars (his last name is “Reed” & he’s a fucking loser). Anything to kill time!!
hey my middle name is Reed
Ruined: girlfriend just left to go back home for a week
Made: I’ll be getting laid every night till she returns
Stellar–>Ha!!
Ruined–>forgot to bring my gear to work so I can’t play basketball tonight!! I need the friggin cardio…..
Make sure you teach her the wrestling/grappling to get away from someone attacking her first. Then yer Ho will be like “that’s awesome!!!” and allow you to follow it up with attacks.
@Stellar…..I’ll keep her warm for you.
and where the shit have you been?
Whatever you do Frick……..tell her to never ever ever ever ever ever ever use those knees on he mom. Especially if you specifically direct her to do that. It’s not okay. I’m serious. No joke. Not even a little. At all. Nope.
Frick – Enjoy the inevitable call from the principal’s office
ruined: this weekend
Made: Taught my daughter how to properly throw knees this morning before school. She put me in a thai clinch & was banging away like a little white female A.Silva.
Ruined: My wife disagrees w/me teaching my daughter about the plum or ripping knees into my stomach…..
Subotic–>my kids are incredibly well-behaved @ school. Some weird subliminal thing about authority & cowering before it.
Anyway, I encourage my kids to take a little risk. They’re the ones that are resistant to it!!
made: sex in the mens bathroom at the sandwich shop I run on the weekends (sometimes)
ruined: the very real possibility of going home with an std (trashy hot 20 year olds are quickly becoming a scary vice of mine)
edit: http://www.facebook.com/people/Missy-Maller/100001353993272
(wearing my sunglasses)
Did u steal those 3D glasses from the movie theatre??
it seems as though mr glass is actually a woman…nice tits glass, i want my dick to live in your vagina hole.
Something tells me you might need some de-greaser.
Haha, josh is operating a glory hole in the mens bathroom at SubWay! WTF?!
“Can I get a 5 dollar foot long with extra pubes?”
Made: Da Bears are getting their asses handed to them by the Pats.
Made: Niners are going to get their 5th win of the season because they’re raping the Seahawks.
Made: I won $20 on the GSP/KOS fight. The $20 was nice, but seeing my brother leave the house pissed was even sweeter
is your brother retarded?
made: cyborg is a hella good movie. van damme is kicking serious ass.
Made: UFC 124 and all the events leading up to it. AMAZING atmosphere.
Ruined: The very real hangover I am still experiencing.
@Clint
No, he’s just one of those guys who thinks that GSP sucks balls because he doesn’t finish his opponent, yet, he’s a huge Lyoto fan.
So Clint was right.
Quiet you!!
That’s not a retard, that’s a hypocrite
made: im in the computer lab and there is a guy at the cube next to me that is MISSING AN EYE! you can see the hole where it should be. it’s the coolest thing ive seen this week
maybe he will let you skull fuck him
Or give oral to an orifice that you’ve never given oral to before…
You guys are fucking sick.
So, did you bone his ocular cavity or not?
face raping has always been a weakness of mine
Made: cooked steak & sweet potato fries for dinner. Came out perfect.
made: it’s 28 degrees in south florida and those pussies declared a state of emergency. I went for a run this morning in 17 degree weather with 10 inches of lake effect snow on the ground.
Go fuck your self and your I can take the cold bullshit. Us carribean folk don’t experience this shit and it’s FUCKING RETARDED COLD! brrrrrrrrrrrrrr
mADE: it’s only for another day, then its back to tank-tops and flip-flops and girls wearing skimpy outfits. God I love MIAMI!
Glass–>I hurt my knee running a couple months ago. Decided to get back on the horse this past Saturday but finally CORRECT MY FORM. No more heelstrikes, only on the ball of the foot. Ran 4 miles no sweat. Just some calf soreness. Can’t fucking wait to go for another run this week!!
Made: I’ll be running in San Juan this Friday!!! Faggots.
^ Watch-out for pandieros! Those boniatos love them some fair-fleshed gringos.
made: It appears my most recent drug test manipulation purchase was effective (took it on the 30th and no one’s yelled at me yet)
ruined: have to buy another one today
made: Also picking up some medicinal
“Watch-out for pandieros! Those boniatos love them some fair-fleshed gringos.”
Yeah…and other fancy spanish shit!!
@ frick – dap for being able to go 4 miles, my legs are such garbage that i can usually only go 3 as hard as a possibly can before this huge bumps form on the side of my calves and constricts the blood flow.
made: I can still run 3 miles in under 21 minutes
I went hiking this past weekend at Zion National Park. We did a 6 mile round trip trail. It was pretty cool. I got to see two mountain goats, a squirrel, and a some water falls. The only downside was that it snowed the night before, so there was alot of snow and mud.
Glass–>I took it easy, about an 8 minute pace. I’m going to push a little harder each time & see what I am capable of by the time Summer rolls around (beach volleyball season). It’s just to suppliment lifting anyway.
G–>I’m a Brooklyn native. Nobody fucks w/me.
I can’t run for shit. I can hike like a motherfucker, but fuck jogging. I think my knees and ankles are still pissed over all the years that I was fat. If I want to get my pulse rate up, I’ll hit a stationary bike (or do coke and masturbate)
I only run when chased. Fuck that.
Ruined: almost got attacked by a pitbull today
made: didnt get attacked by a pitbull today
I’m gonna say it right now, nothing is scarier than being chased by an unknown (large) animal. I’ve been chased by a couple of stray dogs in my life. Absolutely terrifying.
As a kid it was terrifying. But now as a legal weapon carrying adult, I’m kinda ready, almost waiting for it to happen.
Clint—> always carry pepper spray! No animal(even bears) will continue the attack once hit with it. I recommend anybody with dogs and joggers/walkers to carry the irritant whenever you’re out and about.
When I was a kid, my cousins and I went tobogganing (sledding) and the owner of the property set his dog on us. By the time we jumped the fence, the dog had managed to bite me in the ass. We ran all the way home with that mutt in tow, and when we got the the house me dad eventually shot it in the ass with his pellet gun.
It was some scary shit man.
….shoulda’ fingered it’s butt!
http://www.tubechop.com/watch/115022
Jake got anal from a dog!!
Good Story!
two thoughts:
1. anyone too lazy/stupid/worthless to run/work out is a fat piece of shit and deserves the years of self loathing/fat roll chaffing that they’ve got coming to them
2. anyone who feels the need to carry a gun at all times is either a cop, a criminal or a cockless pussy pee pants
^or likes to shoot at random stuff
Damn I hate peeps who talk bout chit they know nothing about. STFU Jawsh, you sound like a bumbkin. Do you have a job where you have to scope (write an estimate) of a house in the ghetto?(No not a trailerpark) Has your house ever been burglarized by armed men? Have you ever been robbed at gun-point? Have you ever seen a guy get shot while beeing robbed? No? That’s right, cause you live in the fucking sticks with the rest of the hillbilly’s. I’m not like the toothless fags in your neck of the woods that thinks it’s a toy or wants to shoot niggers and queers.
I carry a gun at ALL FUCKING TIMES. These times means more fucked up shit is going on, and I will protect myself and family from punk motherfuckers. By the way, I’ve trained grappling and striking at ATT for five years and I also carry pepper-spray and a collapsible baton for situations that need not deadly force. And I’m pretty sure I can whoop your punk-ass in less than a minute you ignorant fuck.
Now lets make-out.
G–>deep breaths!!
I’ve been robbed @ gunpoint. It sucked & I wanted to grab one o’ their guns & be a hero. But I valued my life more.
I’ve seen someone get shot over prolly some drug-related bullshit. I was fucking trembling.
I used to carry knives or my mini-crowbar (loved that thing). But the 1 time I was on a train watching a dude get mugged for some gang initiation……I pulled the E-brake, the “gang” faggots got mad about being trapped & someone pulled a gun (not @ me). So I was glad that they didn’t mug me b/c if I opened someone’s skull up, I woulda got shot.
My bro-in-law owns a shitload of guns. I have nothing against it. But it’s not for me.
Personally, I would like to eliminate guns from society. If the hunters are so skilled, let them use a bow & arrow……OR A SLINGSHOT!!
*status update: getting pissed @ my dept for slacking off. Fuck you, I realize I’m doing the same!!*
You can never entirely eliminate guns from society. The cops and crooks would still have them. You’d just take them away from law-abiding citizens.
That argument is ruh-tard & I’m tired of hearing about it. If the goverment legitimately put a stranglehold on guns, we could eliminate them. Truth is, I know it will never happen. We face the same problem w/Cubans & Mexicans.
The reason I don’t carry a gun on my person is because if you’re going to pull it, you better use it. If the person on the other end is packing, they will fire without hesitation.
With that being said, I never want to be shot with a freaking bullet. I’ve been shot by a shotgun with a salt shot load and it’s not any fun. (don’t ride dirtbikes on property with signs that read “Trespassers Will Be Shot”)
Luckily, I live in an area that I don’t have to worry about that BS, thank goodness. I do agree that there are very good reasons to carry hand guns and will always support them. I will never own one though.
^haha. OK Mr. Smartypants, how long do you think it would take for the government to, “legitimately put a stranglehold on guns and eliminate them entirely” from the hands of wrong do-ers? Do you know how many un-registered / stolen weapons there are floating around? Plus, our borders are so fucking wide open that people and drugs aren’t the only things that will be coming through if the government decides to legitimately put a stranghold on guns.
Your argument is ignant!
My last statement was obviously meant for the Freakmeister.
Omo, your first sentence reminded me of this song! I love that hook!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVyVIsvQoaE
G–>I know there’s a better chance of me stopping you from hooking @ truck stops than banning guns. I don’t have the energy for either.
But I did study gun kata from the movie Equilibrium.
^ Not-true, those dirty bearded mofos know how to treat a man right! haha
I do support a federal law to make sure all guns are registered and sold to legitimate citizens to stop the ridiculous chit that goes on in states like Kentucky and Texas. And a hands-on hours minimum class for those whose seek to carry conceal with a yearly refresher.
I didn’t realize how easy it is to carry. Seriously, what legit reason is there for John Q. Citizen to carry a fucking firearm?
Goddamn OK Coral going on in South Flo Rida!!
Same reason why guys carry condoms on them…
To pretend like they use them??
Makes sense now!!
I always thought they were for bussin’ a cap in Whitey’s ass.
Remember cap guns? And what about snaps (the ones you throw)?? THOSE WERE THE DAYS!!
i’m confused….how does want for gun control make me a bumpkin? I always thought it was the opposite
and you’ve just given me about 11 new reasons to be glad i live in hickville (ie SAFE) indiana
Who is this freakmeister you speak of?
G went off the deep end. Calm down sonny, you’ll live longer!!
@Frick….I know they’re girls, but if you haven’t already, you have to buy your girls newer Nerf dart guns. I fucking love those things. We’ve had em for like 4 or 5 years, but I’m thinking about picking up one of the huge full auto ones. I love those stupid little guns.
I remember cap guns. I always like the ones with round plastic caps rather than the strip caps.
I’m not sexist about toys. If it’s fun, it’s fun.
And I loved Nerf shit as a kid!!
guns always end up in the wrong spot. murder will be so much harder without guns.
Jawsh, when did you mention Gun control? I said what I said cause I notice how much sand-in-vag you get when somebody spouts off offending comments about something that hits close to home. You’ve harshly criticized those who do so, yet you’re the first one to spout off. One example, your two thoughts post.
You don’t need to live in a high crime area to warrant conceal carry. Happened today
http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/school-board-shootout-12398732
tthey tried outlawing guns in england… stabbings and beatings just filled the slots left by guns.
i hate yuppy gun control, you know the kind where people who have never seen or fired a gun get all homo just because a gun looks scary.
You know who gets killed the most by guns here in america? people shooting themselves… and not accidentally either. Suicide accounts for more than half of all the gun related deaths in america and that number is still just 50% of the people killed every year by cars.
Gunz r dumm
^ Yuppy Hipster!
I’m not too worried about the guns any more. We’ll need them to hunt down and eat the rich
^sounds like a good idea…
but if those numbers are true, that’s still people using guns to kill each other and themselves so I still don’t see why guns are a good idea for people to be using. People who give the argument that they’re hunters is also bullshit too because I know not every fucker out there with a gun isn’t a hunter, and just because you want to shoot some animals for fun doesn’t mean the rest of the people have to be murdered to let you continue to do that.
fuck, I went out of character…I like turtles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y&feature=player_embedded
Ruined: FUCT UP MY BACK LAST NIGHT IN THE GYM…….& I’m catching this god damn flight to PR tomorrow @ 6am. WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY GOD, WHY HATH THOUGH FORSAKEN ME!!
That’s GOD’s way of punishing you for replacing me with phoenix
i dont hunt but i enjoy shooting shit. to me its no different than some fat retard who owns a ferrari, you know he isnt going to go out on the track where it belongs but he is still gonna take it over 100mph every once in a while. I own guns but have no desire to kill people. in fact i want to own better guns but still dont want to kill people. im not a retard and know how to handle them correctly, a lot of people dont. I call for a license like owning a car… if you can pass have all the guns you want.
“but if those numbers are true, that’s still people using guns to kill each other and themselves so I still don’t see why guns are a good idea for people to be using”
The suicide thing hits close to home as I’ve recently lost a loved one who took her own life by way of a pistol. However, if she didn’t have a gun she would have taken a bottle of pills or some other means.
Like Clint said earlier, if you take away some means to harm, people will find another way. That goes for pretty much everything, harmful or not.
FACTOID:
Gun lovers, in general, have small penises.
I am dumb and confused again, so you’re saying that if someone accidentally shoots themself in the face , that if they hadn’t had access to a gun they’d have found something else to accidentally kill themself with?
^ Come on man you’re supposed to be in college!
Anyone who “accidently” shoots themslves in the face deserves to die or be deformed!
Madman—> So why doesn’t Frick like guns?
That Factoid would be something you would enjoy researching, fag.
Frick is hung like a stallion, i’m sure. He’s from Brooklyn ya’know
I find it ironic that someone with an avatar such as yours is calling people fags.
What’s so gay bout my avi? And whats wrong wit a ‘lil bromancing you flaming fagroid?
frick is jewish… He aint hung anymore
Made: Frick’s really fucking old. Call Broadway Joe and borrow some Flexall 454.
@MadMan…..it’s kind of like African Americans calling each other that slang derogatory term that starts with an n.
Ninja?
Noodles?
Suicide is gay…I’m glad my mom didn’t have a gun when I was 11. Instead she tried a knife and pills but we were able to get to her in time, and she’s still alive today…so guns still suck and fags love them. People who like to kill ruin it for everyone like clint who like to shoot random shit wherever he is from but for every one of him there’s like 5 more who like to kill other people.
nerd?
i think your statistics are off there pheonix… about 160 million americans own guns. i dont think 130 million people like to kill people in this country, they may want to but definately dont.
i don’t do math.
Clint–>that part wasn’t adding length. I just learned to work a little harder…..
Omo you bastard. I’m in pain here!! At least I’ll be in pain on the beaches of San Juan by lunchtime tomorrow.
Playa Azul is the chit in Isla Verde San Juan. Try to make it to El Yunque rain Forest bout an hour east in Luquillo. Better than any beach homey, trust me. Plus, Luquillo has better beaches than SJ.
Ruined: i think i have ruptured discs in my back after talking to a guy who had to get surgery for just that.
^ pussy
yeah what a bitch
It’s better to have a ruptured disc than a ruptured ass…..just ask Ryan
made: spotted a cow in a swimming pool today at work so I called the owners who came out with some tractors and saved it from drowning. all in a days work upgrading meters.
a cow. why did he marry her?
WTF? Why didn’t you shoot it?!
No but seriously, thats some chit you’ll only see in the sticks.
Made: Hopkins taking Jean Pascal to boxing school.
Ruined:Fagot Canadian judges.
Next French Canadian I see is getting punched in the face.
Let’s get B-Hop/Couture signed immediately.
ruined:walked around the mall yesterday and upset my back. had to sleep on the floor for a while last night. took way too many pain killers and messed up my stomach and liver now.
made: got an A-, B+ and a B in my classes all while holding 2 jobs and being a degenerate alcoholic and part time sexual deviant
made: only 4 classes an internship and a thesis away from a master’s degree in information science!
ruined: 4 classes an internship and a thesis away from a master’s degree in information science
Made: great weekend in PR. Barely paid for shit & open tab all weekend compliments of the boss!! Still…..it’s nice to be home.
Ruined: back is still fuct!!
made: HALF DAYS!!!
ruined: I don’t know really, I’m having such a good time and I’m better than you.
hey frick, you and clint are backbroked…you guys should battle royale which back is broke more.
well he is old as fuck but I need an MRI to figure out whats wrong with mine… its still up in the air as to who is worse off. leitbleu is the winner
Jawsh, congratulations on what you’ve accomplished in pursuit of your MBA. It takes alot of effort and heart to do that and not live in your mother’s basement and be unemployed for two years. I guess you’re not a worthless piece of bumbkin as you come across, even if you’re surrounded by retards.
After this goal, you should strive to be less of a shallow douche so you don’t end up like an un-funny version of frick when you get old. HA!
…wait a minute, how old is frick because I have a very studly and manly ripped abed hard nippled body picture of him with sweat glistening down his face after a hard workout….excuse me, I mean, uh, um.
frick is like 56 or something
He’s 50 but looks 30 cause of all the “fountain of youth” drugs he and Tom Cruise are on.
by fountain of youth do you mean the cum of teen boys? ive heard tom cruise loves that
NOOOO!!!!!! (as van damme)
…man, I just turned 23, I don’t think this is going to work out. It’s not you, it’s me…I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for milan, new york and japan, I’m too sexy for your party and too sexy for my car, my hat, and my cat(in the hat?)
^ Sweet baby Jesus!
I can see why frick loves you phoenix. You’re one funny son bitch! (redneck accent)
Hey cunts. I have feelings too…..mostly in the tip of my penis though. Fuck you I’m old. I’m getting younger. You motherfuckers are getting older!! Check out me & my new pal from PR: http://i56.tinypic.com/v4p11c.jpg
Nice! Does he speak english?
He did some head nodding so I’m gonna say probably not. When I walked over some strange older woman was talking to him (in english) & he was already trying to walk away. Brief moment. He’s so little!! Funny thing….I leaned in to snap the pic. Before I knew what happened, my head was essentially resting on his. So we were nuzzling for the pic!!!! I felt his scruffy head against mine. I think we might be engaged now.
Nice shirt fag!
That’s actually a fantastic shirt. Diesel, I think.
it’s sarah jessica parker with a mexican!
Haha!! My secret is out. I’m the star of Sex & The City!! As well as Sex & The City 2. And you may also know my father….Secretariat.
Ruined: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d3/ManWithPiercedNipple.jpg
Phoenix you sick fuck! WTF is wrong with you boy!?
Made: I got Netflix over the weekend. I’ve been watching nothing but B-Movies (horror)!!
that wasn’t really me btw. I’m much sexier and my nipples aren’t pierced.
B movies are the shit. I watched starship troopers trilogy, watched just about every van damme movie…now on mission impossibles.
The first ST was the shit. The 2nd was pure shit. And the third was okay.
Anything with JCVD is WIN!
“He’s so little!! ”
Yeah Frick, you were towering over him. He must be fucking tiny.
Srsly
^Alex, I’d like to buy a vowel….
That pic was awesome though. I was like “OH SNIZAP!”
Frick looks a ‘lil Poorrican himself in that pic, must be the lighting and the mood.
He just tries to blend in at home. New Jersey has the second largest Puerto Rican pupulation next to NY. Surprised you didn’t know that.
NJ also has the second largest Cuban population next to Fl. and the second largest Italian population and the second largest douche, greaseball population next to long Island.
Don’t even get me started on Long Island.
LONG ISLAND BAD ASS – ARRRGGH!!
For the last time……
a) Brooklyn native (BK to the fullest!!)
b) Long Island resident (we’ve given you Billy Joel & De La Soul!!)
c) Surprisingly, some people do accuse me of being a filthy spic (& span)
But you don’t seem clearly as crass, arrogant, uneducated, dirty and blatantly retarded as a Brooklyn native.
I call Bullshit. You know, there’s nothing to be ashamed of….Danny LaRusso came from Jersey.
It’s been raining for 6 straight days. A golf course got washed out. That’s what those stupid yuppies get for building it next to a river.
Omo–>you’re basing your assessment of BK residents exclusively on my mother. That is your mistake. A child always wants to be the opposite of their parents. Therefore, my kids are 100% fuct.
First of all, I don’t know anyone from Brooklyn.
Secondly, I find a small inconsistency in your methodology……….It’s the fact that you’re completely wrong. My parents are awesome and so am I. As for your kids…….they’ll be perfect, unless you fuck up royally. No pressure.
“You know, there’s nothing to be ashamed of… Danny LaRusso came from Jersey.”
Oh snappage!
BK= Burger King.
BK = British Knights
^STFU butters. It is the BK lounge, aka Burger King.
What time is it in Korea? According to my clock, it’s time for you to drink a nice, tall glass of WHATEVER!!
IN YA FACE, Phoenix!! In ya face.
HE SAID WHATEVS!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha, Whatever isn’t even a drink.
made: i have the 24th – jan 3rd off and ima get paid for it
ruined: IU is run by a bunch of cocksuckers who are paying for next week based on this weeks check OF WHICH IM ONLY WORKING 3 DAYS!@!!!!!!!!~!!
so essentially it’ll be like taking 4 days off without pay
faggots
3-1 say it is phoenix, so quit your belly aching and DRINK UP!!
Josh, it could be worse, you could be spending New Years in TJ. I’m going to have to find a way to watch UFC 125
Are you talking about Turkey Jizz, or is this the TJ that I know and love? What the fuck Fivebolt….put Harley the fuck down and go check out a Donkey show! Jimminy Christmas! Can’t watch UFC 125…wah wah wah!
made: killed a hobo and stole his life force
ruined: gave me the shits
Do you really want to be talking bout murdering a migrating bum, ripping his heart out, eating it and expressing the indigestion that it caused? Damn, you’re sick bro!
What did you do with his dog?
made: start of 4 day weekend
ruined: passing out presents to orphaned korean kids first.
^ The Grinch
kids don’t like me and i’m always the one to have to do stuff with kids.
i made the dog watch
Korean orphans should be sold to restaurants for cheap meat. They have no other value.
Made: boss said I’m getting my big, fat bonus check this week.
Ruined: all it’s going to do is pay off the Amex my wife maxed out this year.
Made: weird uncle that I never talk to sent me a check for $400.
Ruined: all it does is pay for the Dyson vac I bought my wife for Xmas!!
people who buy dysons are stupid
You’re not getting brownie points with that gift, eventhoughits a badass vac.
Dude…..it wasn’t expensive. My last vac was almost $300. It worked great & lasted 5 yrs. But my wife hates it now (too heavy & doesn’t always work well). So I got this vac for the same price. It’s lighter & supposed to work very well. Don’t hate. Next you’ll say Apple doesn’t put out good products & they’re all marketing hype.
$300? You’re straight up crazy!!
My parents bought a Panasonic vac 5 years ago for $100 and it still works like a champ.
Panasonic FTW!
Your parents sold you for sex when you were little. They bought that vac & still had enough left over to buy you a Happy Meal which stopped your crying afterwards.
You seem to have them confused with the Bronx. It’s ok, I know we all look alike to you people.
Ruined: It’s been raining for 7 straight days now. Towns are being evacuated because the dams can break at any minute.
Made: When summer rolls around, the lakes are going to be full.
HAHA!! So glad Butters is embracing who he really is….
LOOK WITHIN YOURSELF, CLARISSE!!
“kids don’t like me and i’m always the one to have to do stuff with kids.”
those goddamned children aren’t going to rape themselves soldier!
“people who buy dysons are stupid”
I agree with Clint. I gave her 5 free passes for mustache rides. It’s free, I enjoy it, plus it always leads to a present for me.
“You seem to have them confused with the Bronx. It’s ok, I know we all look alike to you people.”
There’s a difference? I thought they were both just the runoff from the ass crack of Manhattan?
MADE: 4-day Christmas weekend
RUINED: Wife is on her period for the whole thing.
I see four days worth of blowjobs and tittyfucks in someone’s future.
“I see four days worth of blowjobs and tittyfucks in someone’s future.”
all i get from that is that you’ll be eating your wifes bloody pie and she’ll be wearing a strap on fucking your moobs.
Haha….Phoenix knows how to tickle my funny bone.
Made: Taking off 12/24 through 1/2.
Also made: deposited a lovely bonus check last night.
Also made: wife’s bosses took us out for a fancy dinner last night.
Ruined: I don’t know how to spend money on myself so instead of buying a fancy gadget or a nice steak dinner……I’ll pay bills. BORING.
^I hear you Frick. There’s a new Gibson Les Paul with my name on it……but I can’t pull the trigger………and won’t.
Made: Entering PA tonight to watch my boys stomp some bitches.
Made: Gonna take some brews to the dome tonight.
Made: Sleeping most of the day tomorrow.
Made: Christmas is Saturday. Come on bitches, you should have known that.
Made: Drew iamphoenix as my secret santa!!!
Ruined: Some lucky vagina that gets in my way in the near future.
I had a fucking dream with ilovepenis last night. He was stationed at the MEPS in MIA and didn’t have anywhere to go for XMAS
So I opened my jackal wing and invited him to noche buena we’re going to. Funny thing was that he was wearing Digital camo fatigues and a M-4 the whole time and talking like those interesting comments he leaves. This dream really happened by the way…
I WISH WE HAD THE OLD FORUMS!!!! I had the awesomest FL dream like 3 years ago. Everyone was in it!!! Well, everyone at the time that was here. I believe I drove a tricycle to Canada with Kenty on the back……….SHIT!!! Find it Ryan.
I don’t dream.
@ iamphoenix:
That’s still way more action than you’ll be getting, son. Unless you count getting touched by your Uncle Ernie again.
Wet dreams are natural G Funk.
AT agentsmith:
Just so you know, just because your first time wasn’t your uncle doesn’t mean you can rub it in my face.
RUINED: after shoveling out of the snow, my car wouldn’t start.
RUINED: kitchen sink clogged.
RUINED: backed up kitchen sink overflowed from FUCKING dishwasher.
FFFFFUUUUuCCCCCKKKKk!!!!!!
^ You’re not a real man!
Ruined: Work has been retarded slow for the past two months pre-Xmas.
Made: Work has been almost retardly too much to handle for the past week.
Ruined: Literally working 15hrs a day.
Made: Gonna get paid a retardly large sum of money!
It’s called preventative maintenance Frick. Say it with me….PRE VENT ATIVE.
Made: Leaving for tropical weather in 5 days
Ruined: present for the girlfriend is lame due to budget issues.
Dude, all you really need is a box with a hole cut in it. As a gift, I mean.
^Perv
What area of the equator are you headed Jake?
he’s headed to the part where you don’t give out prizes to doodle contest winners.
ruined: it hailed and was cold all day
made: i dont live in the other shit part of the country
ruined: work has been hella busy this week
made: i’m off on Friday bitches!!
phoneix: I waiting like nine months for my “you write for us for free” t shirt, and I’m not in fucking Korea. Cry me a river.
Made: Probation lady is not a bitch
Ruined: Probation lady exists
Ruined: Jackals….of all people….think they’re better “men” than me.
We don’t “think”, we KNOW!
subo:: Go fuck a sandwich.
How do you have sex with a sandwich? What’s the technique o great one?
don’t ask me. subo is king when i comes to fucking food.
I would WRECK your sandwich. Fucking wreck it!!
^Replace “think” with “know” and you’re on target.
made: a guy took off his new smart meter an hour after i had installed it. Best part is he has nothing to replace it with since i have his old meter.
Gayoki went night night!!!
ruined; called in to work on a sunday morning.
made: showing up to work and then being told I don’t need to be there! stupid people are awesome!
YOU DON’T TAKE A DAY OFF WHEN YOU’RE ON THE FRONT LINES SOLDIER
Made: Thiago Silva doing some plastic surgery on Vera! Yays to this guy!!!!
Made: Silva bitch slapping Vera to the unemployment line.
ruined: fucking wacom tablet hasn’t come in the mail yet. FUCK YOU GUYS.
made: got a 67 cent raise for not good reason… all hail unions
Ruined: I’d rather lose an inch off my dick than exhibit patience when my wife has computer questions…..yes, that would put me in the negative.
Damn micropenis!!
five inches forward and six inches back
^ You’re too kind.
Made: Loans!
ruined: everybody’s philosophical ramblings and quotes on facebook. why the fuck is your status update talking to me like it’s Bruce Lee? This goes for you too subo, I’m THIS close to defriending you. Not every fucking thing you read and come across is fucking life changing shit that everyone else cares about. Just tell me what you ate for breakfast, how fml your life is and post funny pictures of your pets please. I don’t need to know how smart you guys think you are.
You want pics of pets? I can hook you up with pics of Harley & Faye
^gay
Made: Clint’s avi is starting to look homeless.
Made: Clint’s avi is starting to look homeless.
Ha ha ha ha! Holy shit, Clint, I thought you had that meter jaerb? You also seem to be coming down with a case of evil-eye.
MADE@Fenix: My bud loaned me his 12wx - fucking GLORIOUS and blows my Intuos 3 outta the water. Which’re you waiting on?
RUINED@Fenix: Too sick for the past month to use it.
ruined: 30 minute long argument yesterday afternoon with retarded co-worker about how to enter in the “Chicago School of Psychology” into the computer because on the email he received it was spelled “Chicago School of Psycholog”
after relenting to him because apparently the “y” would make his world explode, I secretly corrected it before i went home
it was changed back (to the wrong way) this morning when I got here
I now harbor a distaste for the mentally handicapped that I will probably carry with me throughout the rest of my life
made: butters’ school girl naivety
Made: Jawsh actually commits himself to argue with a retard for thirty minutes!!! ha
MADE: Jawsh isn’t able to out-smart a retard.
MADE: Jawsh having a passive-aggressive fight over the spelling of “psychology” is sweet irony.
Made: Jawsh was rejected by the punk scene years ago & never fully recovered.
Stop pouring salt in his wound!!
i decided to spice up my avatard… going for the brock/golden voiced hobo look
Made: got my new 20″ LED LCD monitor today.
frick: the only way to convince a retard is to convince him/her that someone else (ie, the person that sent the e-mail) is a retard. THEN, you share a scoff and talk a little shit as you fix THEIR mistake/attempt to fool you.
iamdense: I try to post a quote a day and my dog died, so eat it.
frick: the only way to convince a retard is to convince him/her that someone else (ie, the person that sent the e-mail) is a retard. THEN, you share a scoff and talk a little shit as you fix THEIR mistake/attempt to fool you.
iamdense: I try to post a quote a day and my dog died, so eat it.
echo echo echo
I’m just saying, it’s all a bit pretentious. Dead dog or not. Other people know how to read good too.
Ruined – I would never offer my dead dog up for someone to eat…..even if they are living in Korea.
Made: got a ticket to the Deftones show.
Ruined: no one else I know wants to go. Buncha slackjawed faggots round here!
I’LL GO!! Oh wait, you said “Deftones”……I thought you said ANYTHING ELSE BUT DEFTONES.
Made: Office party tomorrow in NYC = FREE BOOZE & possible debauchery.
Deftones are pretty cool. Sure, their latest stuff isn’t as good as White Pony, but I still like them.
You’re speaking in an alien language.
Did they do any collabos w/Talib Kweli or Ghostface?
No, they don’t collaborate with porch monkeys!!
They faded somewhat after “White Pony”, but the new album is pretty sweet.
Deftones can make shit now for all i care – Around the Fur and Adrenaline are still awesome albums.
^ this. i can make it from goshen to New Paris and back on my bike in one Around the Fur
I got a date this week!!!
No thanks to you degenerates.
does he/she know anything about you?
^ hahahahaa fucking awesome
jerking it to a girl taking a dump through her bathroom window is not a date!
no but its a start
That’s hurtful you guys. I didn’t think you would be jealous. I thought you would proud that I’m breaking from my shell
It’s not for sure yet, she has to check her schedule and see if she can get Wednesday off.
Soooooo you DONT have a date.
Congrats anyway faggot. Do me a favor, when the opportunity arises to kiss him…….PULL THE TRIGGER!!
It’s pretty much a done deal. She just has to get back to me…like what time do I pick her up and where we’re going.
this just sounds like the plot to 40 year old virgin.
“Jerking it to a girl taking a dump through her bathroom window”
You masturbated while watching a chick shit out of her bathroom window? Were there at least plants to fertilize under the windowsill? That’s just rancid!
You better not respect her or she won’t fuck you. Enjoy!!
go to a nice rest stop and spread your feet wide
make sure to jack it before you go on the date…then get some in your ear without your knowledge, have her put it in her hair thinking it’s hair gel and then you can be just like the movies.
Haha
See, now you have bleu joining in.
Butters–>I could prolly give you a shitload of great advice…..but you’ll find a way to fuck it all up. Just don’t try too hard. Don’t spend a lot of money. Don’t go anywhere nice. Don’t look “dressed up”. Don’t wear cologne. Don’t get a haircut that morning. Don’t forget to CLEAN YOUR FUCKING EARS (& your balls). Don’t talk about past boy/girlfriends. Don’t try to fill silence w/rambling idiocy. Don’t justify why you still live w/your mommy. Don’t tell her you like fucking anime!!
Do:
Tell her she looks “fantastic”.
Get her tipsy but not drunk.
Find a laid back place w/a creative menu but not pretentious that’s dimly lit & doesn’t contain 60% fried foods.
Kiss the bitch the 1st time the notion pops into your head.
Also, don’t whip your dick out b/c you think it will get a laugh. I promise it will get a laugh though. But for all the wrong reasons.
^Nice, pretty much covered all however forget bout not justifying why he lives with mommy & Daddy AND JUST SAY YOUR PLACE IS UNDER RENOVATION!
or say your parent are/were sick and you were taking care of them. chick love guys who take care of people. besides you work for hospice anyways so 2x points. maybe say you have a retarded sibling.
YOU WORK IN A HOSPICE?? That’s the most depressing place on the planet.
You now remind me of the gay spanish nurse from True Blood. Not that I watch it……
Okay FBM….here’s the bread and butter……Pull it out and say “Suck me Beautiful!”
And don’t listen to Clint…..no chick worth her weight in Nestle Crunch bars wants to live with your geriatric mother. Unless you want to find your Mom smothered to death with a grocery bag. (when I smother your Mom with grocery bags it’s only to help get her get off, not to actually end her life)
^no see this will finally be the way for FBM to escape the house. Having a chick with his balls in her purse will make him leave.
Seriously, where do you go on a first date other than movies? Movies is out.
My balls aren’t going any where. No woman can tame me!!
DO NOT……I REPEAT, DO NOT GO TO THE MOVIES!! Jesus fuck, what city do you live in? I will find someplace cool for you.
I hope to god your live @ home ass has access to a vehicle as well….
What you need is a big conversion van….a stabbin’ cabin if you will.
I think you told me where you live…..but I don’t remember.
southern utah… mormon hell
How far from the mountains? See, I’m pretty awesome….so clearly I snowboard…I’d take her up there. Even if she’s never done it, giving her lessons is a great way to be close. She’ll need help up for sure, plus the lift rides….and being chilly. Might be a little pricy, but it’s worth it.
plus in the mountains she really cant escape you once she realizes you are a pedo who loves anime
Don’t bring up anime…..or your love of Twilight.
I don’t snowboard. Never done it. It’s going to be dinner because it’s going to take place Wed night.
frick, ofcourse I have a car (Lincoln LS). What kind of loser do you take me for?
Don’t go to the movies for a first date. Think about it, that means for about 2 hours out of the evening you’ll be watching a movie instead of engaging each other. Your time can be much better spent.
Look at me, I took a girl to a movie for a first date once, and now I’m married to her. Learn from my mistakes!
Fucker, you made me spill my drink from laughter.
^That’s no laughing matter. It happens all the time.
Another tip…..wait at least a good 3-4 months before having intercourse. Then you’ll know what it’s like to be married so you can see if you really like her.
Or, have intercourse then wait 3-4 months before having it again. That’s also a trial-run for marriage.
LISTEN TO THESE MEN!!
What city do you live in, faggot?? I’ll find you a good place. Power of my big brain + internet=intercourse w/wet pussy (do they still get wet on roofies?).
I don’t think so. He might wanna pick up a couple of those little packets of lube from the nearest adult store, you know the ones that are the size of a packet of soy sauce. Or just use soy sauce if it goes with the meat, if you get my meaning. But be sure to get the low-sodium kind.
I think Joan lives in virginia or some chit. I say dinner+drinks, not just dinner you fag!
G…..where in the hell is he going to get a fake ID?
Fuck, I say just take her to Applebee’s, the movies, and then try to feel her up in your Old Man’s pickup after the dance.
i think he lives in st george utah if memory serves
FIVEBOLT!! If you do live in that area….I’ve done the work for you & scoped out a couple of places. Since I assume you have a bit of disposable income (considering you live @ home), I avoided any chain places as that screams “teenager”. Never set foot in those places….until you have children. These 2 places are mid-range prices (by NY standards). So as long as you don’t kill it w/drinks (DON’T) or eat your fat asses off w/multiple appetizers (DON’T), then the bill will be reasonable. Here are my choices & then some follow-up advice so you don’t fucking wreck it:
1) http://www.xetava.com –>This place looks super cool but only open til 9pm? You may want to check on it. It may just be that the kitchen closes then, in which case, it’s all good. Otherwise, you could do a 7pm dinner there & use that to springboard into a nice stroll somewhere. Their menu is varied but not bourgeois. Their desserts look FABULOUS. Seriously, that’s the time when the chick decides if she’ll let you fuck her in the ass/blow you in the car.
2) http://www.havencuisine.com –>Well now I understand the “hours” thing since this place only rocks out til fucking 8:30pm (FUCKING MORMONS). Anyway, this is a more traditional restaurant (which I don’t like for a 1st date). This option is only if you don’t want to look “too kewl” w/the 1st choice. Menu is varied & similarly priced. The desserts are kinda pedestrian but whatevs. Creme Brulee is always good (& light on the stomach so she won’t be too full to swallow your babies).
Here’s the advice, faggot:
1) Don’t go to dinner starving!! Dinner is about conversation, not stuffing your dumb fucking face.
2) Pick 1 app & split it. It’s more intimate to taste the same thing & discuss but not too intimate as long as it’s pre-cut or already in individual pieces. If she wants a 2nd app….LOOK OUT (A WHALE, in your future).
3) Assuming you drink, take it SLOW. Sip your drink. Don’t pound them!! 2 reasons: a) EXPENSIVE b) You want to make a good impression w/your wit, not by holding her hair back when she pukes in the back seat of the Lincoln.
4) Avoid anything w/garlic & onions (self-explanatory, no?).
5) Order something you can eat w/utensils. Picking up a burger & taking wild animal bites is not attractive to watch. Unless you’re down for a veggie/portabella burger. In that case, it screams “I’m sensitive & care about the planet/health” (which is a good thing even if she’s not).
6) After the main course, go take a piss. Yes, you may need to actually urinate. More importantly….CHECK YOUR FUCKING TEETH. No chick wants to see a poppy seed or broccoli in your god damned fangs. Also check your gay outfit & make sure everything is still in order!!
7) Leave room for dessert by eating light. THE MEAL IS ABOUT DESSERT, DICKFACE!! Not only should you get an interesting dessert, try to convince her to do the same. This will be the time you will know if she’s into you. If she starts offering you some of her dessert….off of her fork, then she’s obviously not scared of your cooties & is DTF (down to fornicate, idiotboy).
8) Please for the love of god almighty, put a decent outfit together. No, you shouldn’t wear a Neon Genesis Evangelion tee. No, you shouldn’t wear brown shoes & khakis. No, you shouldn’t wear white tube socks (please burn those). It’s okay to wear a tee but throw a cool light jacket or a cardigan over it. Please don’t wear anything baggy, you fucking dunce. If you wear sneaks, make sure they’re not some fucking Jordans or dumb Air Max ’95′s. Get some mellow, street type kicks. If you wear shoes (not a big fan of on casual dates), PUT ON SOME BOOTS. Nothing shiny, the most distressed looking the better. Ah…forget it!! You don’t own a stitch of decent clothing. You should probably bail on this whole date.
FBM….just be yourself.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Frick….I agree with the suggestions. You must date quite a bit.
It’s a lifetime of knowledge that I’ll NEVER BE ABLE TO USE.
Thanks for reminding me. I’d better go make reservations tonight for the fam @ Fridays
I’ve been to Friday’s once….actually twice….I was low carbing it….10,000 cal Cobb Salad FTW!!! Basically zero carbs, super filling. As for their normal food…..no thanks.
FU Omo!!
frick, the first restaurant you talked about is out of the question because it’s too far from her place. She lives 45 mins West from me and the restaurant is 35 mins East of me. The second place is only 10 minutes from my place. So it’s do able. No drinks because they don’t have a liquor license.
I already have an outfit picked. T-shirt and jeans & I’ll be wearing a “preppy” sweater(so-cal) that I got for Christmas. I’m just going to wear my regular Adidas shoes because they’re comfy.
^^Good luck w/that!!
And don’t put any lotions or anything anyplace that she might lick you…..
Who are we kidding, you ain’t getting licked!!
I’m not a dog, so why would I want to be licked?
You guys make it sound like it’s life or death or something serious like that. It’s just a date. I’m just going to be myself and show up in my Lincoln that I haven’t washed in God knows when.
Jesus Christ 45 min. away! She must be ridic hot or you are a desperate mofo!
LOL’s at reservations at Fridays! Frick, I can see you obviously care for Joan, this is advice that the cool older twenty-something bro gives to his 17 yr.old awesome lil bro. You wanna be my older douchie bro?
She kind of looks like Camilla Belle. Clint can attest to my fondness of her
Frick, sounds like you know how to treat a lady!
FBM: Hit up a car wash on the way. Open doors for her and all that gentlemen shit.
It’s nice to see the community rally behind getting Butters some pussy.
^What could possibly go wrong?!
She could have a kid
Or AIDS.
or a penis.
yeah wash that bastard and maybe vacuum
Put it in her dirty rotten Joan!!!! Fuck, give her a kid…..just get some brother.
^is somebody drunk LOL!
by jeans, butter, you better not fucking mean CARPENTER PANTS! fuck man…what tshirt is it? I bet it’s wrinkled. don’t wear wrinkled clothes. Make sure when you bring her back to your place don’t let her see your toy collection, saxophone, gaming systems, gamer chair…like that scene from 40 year old virgin.
take her to the arcade. it will be great. your mom can let you borrow the station wagon karate kid.
i base my life decisions based off movies.
^^Nope, totally sober. That kids just needs to get his dick wet already.
Whatever movie you pull moves from Joan, please, please, please don’t borrow scenes from Kids. Casper was not cool…..”Don’t worry Jenny, it’s me FiveBolt.” Nope…..
Penix, you won’t be able to see the shirt because a sweater will be covering it. I don’t know how warm it is in SK, but it’s colder than a frogs ass in UT. And yes, I’ll be wearing my carpenter jeans. I don’t care what you guys say, those pants ROCK!
^Actually if he gets to that point he’ll be might be doing alright!
chit that was for Omo
FBM: My LS has leather seats but are heated. If you have leather and it’s cold as shit warm that seat up for her if you can! What a gesture! You’re so getting some action!
And open and close all doors for her for fuckssake. Trust me…..that little thing goes a long long way. You’d be surprised how many women have never had doors opened for them…
Carpenter jeans and a sweater! Cosby sweater? Sweaters are for keeds and old farts, It’s purrrfect for you Joan!
“I’ll be wearing my carpenter jeans. I don’t care what you guys say, those pants ROCK!”
I can see why’d think that, what with all the pussy they;ve gotten you over the past decade or so
seriously man, none of that high school cutesy bullshit (opening doors omo? really?) ever works on a first date. the key is to give the impression that “yeah, you’re alright pretty lady, but i’d be alright without you too”
women are stupid like that, the second a bitch thinks you’re too into them (at least early on) they are as good as ghosts
and dinner and a movie is way too cliche’d, frick;s got it right, take her to a hidden little place that’s not very busy but has great atmosphere, coffee shops and indy restaurants. then instead of movie, take her to the zoo or the planetarium/aquarium. it’ll keep her on her toes, and more importantly, give her the false impression that you are deep/interesting.
finally AND THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER, you MUST have the utmost confidence in EVERYTHING YOU DO. you have to believe that YOU ARE THE MAN (when obviously you are not). nothing is more unattractive to a woman than a pussy of a man, women already have a pussy and it would be redundant for them to seek out another one for a mate. so NO MATTER HOW DUMB/FOOLISH/UNFUNNY/GEEKY/WEIRD/HOMOEROTIC you act, you have to play it off like you could give a shit what she thinks about it, and just roll with it playa
FBM………you can be a gentlemen and still let a girl know that you’re in control. Or, you could treat her like shit and play into her Daddy issues like Josh is suggesting. I mean hey……..everyone needs a good crazy fuck once in a while…..but the key is to find the stable girl who fucks like a whore.
Joan, if she has scars on the insides of her thighs………fucking run!!…well, maybe play for a while………then fucking run!!
^ in all honesty, omo is probably right. the type of girl i usually go for is almost certainly not the type of girl you are taking out
I know you too well Jawshy. And unfortunately, I know FB too well. You like the abuse……..I don’t think he could hang.
Butters would be ballin his tears out and listening to RadioHead for months if he went out wit da type of chicken heads Glasslibrarian fucks wit. Seconds for Subo, he’s a pussy.
fucking carpenter jeans. wtf. and it’s cold as fucking balls here dude. my skin feels like it’s melting.
Come on phoenix, where the fuck is going to keep his tape measure, ruler and tots?
Gimme ur tots, Butters!!
PS: TONIGHT’S DA NIGHT….and me & my nigga’s ain’t playin!!
The big night! I’m so excited!
Sorry to burst your bubble frick, but I don’t eat tots. They’re gross!!
G, stop talking like that. You’re creeping me out
You should load that dumb side pocket w/condoms.
You’ll need them to jack off into in case you don’t have tissues in the house.
Yeah, who we kiddin. The only orifice that Butters is penetrating is his belly button.
I have BUTTERflys!
If I lived anywhere near Butters, I’d show up @ the restaurant & HIJACK HIS BITCH!! Let’s hope no decent looking guys w/a shred of confidence & a lack of carpenter jeans doesn’t show up (sad emoticon here)…..
frick, if you did that, then you would be doing me a favor. That would mean that she’s a hussy and she’s not for me.
My boy would never ask a two bit hussy on a date. And whatever you do, don’t clean the pipes before the date….she needs earrings to match that pearl necklace.
You’re welcome.
He’s actually ready – have a great night Fivebolt.!
Butters–>if she tries to blow you in the car…..then she’s definitely not the girl for you!! Tell her to FLIM me.
PS: I meant oral copulation.
What base is oral stimulation?
^ this is a real question! from a 29 year old man! it’s as logic defying as it is amusing
and any naked touching outside of stuffing your midnight meat train into her happy hole (or not-so-happy hole) is 3rd base
Ruined: First day of the semester just happens to be a “green” day (aka the mystical color on the automated recording that informs me I have to piss in a bottle at some point today). Gotta go there after class.
Made: I got a letter from court bitching about money and I actually had the money to give them. I love using the government’s money (loans) to pay the government.
Anyone here ever date a Jewish woman? I’m setting something up with one and it’s a first – it’s not really a question of CAN I make jokes, but HOW MANY and WHAT KIND. Use the 0-to-Borat scale when answering.
I’m old. Oral is about midway between home and first. I think it’s a ground out.
Did you fuck her butters? (I mean show up in carpenter jeans?)
I’m old and don’t know baseball, but I’m pretty much certain that’s a hole-in-one or something.
That’s an infield fly.
Dribble penetration for all you basketball fans.
Butters will mostly only get a handshake. What do you call that, taking a pitch?
nah, he’ll mostly just beat her with a baseball bat and bury her at 3rd.
I’m still at work you ‘tards. The date isn’t for another 2 hours.
Made: got paid today bitches
Ruined: missed a day last week so I only got 32 hrs of pay
Made: it was still $500
so it’s a few hours later…any trouble disposing of her body?
Everything went off with out a hitch. I told her that I would call her next week after I get back from visiting my nana.
Nana??????????!!!!!!!!!!
FUCKING BUTTERS!!
FU grumpy. I haven’t seen her in over 10 years.
RUINED: Slid into a curb on the way home from work, and snapped the driver’s-side lower control arm in half. I didn’t even hit hard.
MADE: There’s a recall notice for the lower control arms for premature rusting (due to road salt), so it’s getting fixed for free.
You mean to tell me you can’t fit a phone call into your schedule? And don’t get me started on the whole “make her wait cool guy bullshit”. If it’s a girl that’s interested in Joan, she’s mos def a nice girl. I mean….she can’t even listen to rap so…………
Jesus Butters you’re really detailed! Give us some more you ‘lil wanna be aztec!
I can’t use my cell in Mexico. No service.
There’s not much to say. We ate dinner at a restaurant in Historic Downtown Saint George
Then we went and got some frozen yogurt from Spoon Me. After that, I drove her home and that was pretty much it. Nothing exciting happened. We just talked. She told me that she has a kid, so that kind of threw me off. I’m not ready to be a daddy!!! *runs to the hills*