that fucked up/bizarre thing that happened….
October 13, 2010 at 9:45 pm #316210
Okay, this has gone a little too far for my taste. I bid you gents good-byeOctober 14, 2010 at 5:38 am #316243
fiveboltassNovember 11, 2010 at 8:16 am #349940
When i was like 15 or so i did karate and the instructer demostrated a foot sweep on me in front of the class. He then proceeded to demostrate a foot stomp to the belly, but it made a fair bit of contact, and it pushed out a massive fart. The whole class was laughing, it was pretty embrassing shit … so to speak.November 11, 2010 at 10:56 am #349942
this one time when it wasn’t the present time, like, say about before today and any point in time before today to 23 years ago, that some fucked up/bizarre thing that happened to me was fucked up/bizarre because when it happened, the people that gathered incessantly around me were quoted as moaning “man, that was fucked up slash bizarre.” and i agreed because it totally was fucked up/bizarre. from that day on whenever that happened i never forgot about that fucked up/bizarre thing that happened and thanks to this thread i was able to share that fucked up/bizarre thing that happened.November 11, 2010 at 2:24 pm #349945
GrassJumper–>ur giving me flashbacks to my own shitty childhood!!
I’m a Phoenix–>ur expeshially ruh-tard @ the moment.November 11, 2010 at 3:34 pm #349948
@Grampshumper…..Like any one of those other nuggets wouldn’t have let one rip if your coach stomped on their fart button?
@old man time……he said fart. you’re the only one who had the runzinskies and proper shit in front of their class.November 11, 2010 at 4:08 pm #349951
Well chit, since we’re going way back in the day… Sixth grade during class, we all were doing some class work and I started day-dreaming. It was beautiful thoughts of me bangin two girls that sat in front of me.(yes, my pervyness started early homies) As my excitement started reaching towards the top, THE FUCKING FIRE ALARM STARTS GOING OFF! Now since I was hung like a horse since birth, albeit a midget pony of a horse, and wearing sweat pants there was no tucking and hiding… Suffice to say, everyone caught an eyefull of young G rippin through. Now you’d think the alarm followed by the thought of embarrasment to the THOUGHT ACTUALLY COMING TO LIFE would kill some-o-dat swelling right? NO! It was like my elementary ass took a ‘lil blue pill earlier or somen!
Of coarse there was some laughing and teasing and GIRLS RUNNING THE FUCK AWAY SCREAMING! Oddly enough, there are ‘lil sluts at that age. After that day this one cute trailer-trash angel started giving me MAD ATTENTION. That ‘lil princess gave me my first over the clothes handjob and 2nd base sliders. Sometimes good things can surface from the bad. I wonder if she learned that from her fashah?November 11, 2010 at 5:13 pm #349954
That’s what I call makin’ somethin’ outta nothin’.November 11, 2010 at 6:20 pm #349956
Took a road trip to visit some family a month ago. Driving back about 4 of the 7 hours in. Out of the blue I started getting a serious “gotta shit” pain in my stomach. Saw that the next rest stop was maybe 5 miles away. I figured I had plenty ‘o time to get to the rest stop.
Squeeze out a few carefully measured farts: check. Clench butt cheeks & squirm around a bit: check. Roll down window for cool breeze: check. Look incredibly nervous like a suicide bomber: check. Monitor highway for best possible emergency shit site: check. After trying to convince myself repeatedly that a grown man can “hold it” indefinitely, biology won out. As I broke into a cold sweat wondering if my kids would actually witness their father shit himself (sober), I yanked the steering wheel right & pulled off the highway where the foliage was somewhat overgrown. My wife had no clue what was up & said “What’s wrong?!” I said I gotta go……NOW!! She didn’t even believe me as I don’t usually veer off the road for emergency shits. With seconds to spare I jammed my hand into the glove compartment & grabbed all the spare napkins we had.
I ran towards the bushes only to be greeted by a 4 foot rusty mesh fence? WHAT THE FUCK?! Now I had to hop this rusty fence that had some kind of barbs on top as well!! I somehow managed not to puncture my legs as I hopped it & ran in far enough so the whole world wouldn’t see the 1st proverbial bald bear shitting in the woods. I am not a fan of nature & seeing all these centipedes & gnats scattering when I picked my spot was not very comforting. I yanked my shorts down & squatted. The quantity of butterscotch pudding that I deposited was potentially a Guinness Book record. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a proper witness to verify. Luckily, the location I chose backed onto some wispy branches that captured a sample & deposited it on my hand as I reached back to wipe. While I had enough napkin reserves to wipe it off…..the lingering stench on my finger was overpowering. I could bottle this stuff & monopolize the smelling salts market. After carefully hopping the barbed, rusty fucking fence, I darted back to the car. My wife & kids had big grins on their faces as I slid back into the driver’s seat & pulled onto the road.
90 seconds later I made it to the rest stop. 90 seconds too late of course. Washed my hands like a rape victim taking that 1st post-rape shower. Thank gawd I didn’t need a pumice stone to eliminate the stench. Just the other day my daughters said “Daddy, we could see your butt when you were pooping that day!” Thanks kids.November 11, 2010 at 6:32 pm #349957
The sweats are when you know it’s the real deal.November 11, 2010 at 7:12 pm #349962
@ frick – NICE!
one time i fell asleep in a car in indiana and woke up in vermontNovember 11, 2010 at 7:16 pm #349964
How can you jump a fence when you gots to shit that bad and blow your top?November 11, 2010 at 8:42 pm #349970
^ Adrenaline. Fuck the sweats. That shit sucks.November 12, 2010 at 5:57 pm #350040
frick, you never stop amusing meNovember 12, 2010 at 6:53 pm #350045
Missed ya on the chaz FiveBalls
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