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Give up on MMA … go for American Gladiators

Face it … your chances of making it in MMA are pretty slim. Ever since The Ultimate Fighter debuted, every fight camp in North America is swarming with people who have way less of a life and therefore way more time on their hands to train than you. Sure, you might win a fight or two at whatever toughman competition happens in your town. But your career stops when you run into Warren Felterson who spends all his welfare check on steroids and all his time at the gym.

So why not just do something a bit less strenuous. Like American Gladiators. The pay’s pretty decent and you’ve got a good chance of fucking a co-star with an engorged penis-like clitoris. Honestly, were you really satisfied with that Chyna porn tape? Didn’t you say “Boy, I like how it gets up and erect, but now I want the chance to put my mouth on something like that too,”?

Well here’s your fucking chance! This saturday in Venice California, American Gladiators is holding auditions for the return of their show. Note in the casting call they say the new format is “NO-HOLDS-BARRED”. I would love to show up and test that statement out.

  • Matt

    Malabu hands down the worst gladiator ever.

  • intenso

    anybody remember that show that was almost like American Gladiators, except everybody was on roller blades? that show was awesome.

  • Wu Tang

    Roller Derby? Man, hehe, i would only watch these shows if i had no job, depressed and wanted to kill my brain cells.. Can this be said with MMA………hmmmmmmmmmm hehe

    – J

  • Andrej

    Know that is something you don’t here every day. Roller Derby, the hot woman slamming each other was awesome. babe’s on roller blades to bad they had men on the show because the show might still have been around today. By the way if you wanted to throw up the Joanne Laurie movie is a go.

  • John

    If I do American gladiators can i still wear my affliction and tapout shirts?

  • johnny

    Has anyone ever seen “8mm” with Nic Cage?

    There is a line that goes “There are some things that you wish you could unsee”

    Obviously, that writer was inspired by that science experiment that festers in Joanie Lauer’s crotchal area

  • intenso

    no, not roller derby. It was called Blade Warriors and it was f’n glorious.