We’re getting into an era in mixed martial arts where talking smack is an important part of staying a high profile fighter. Guys like Chael Sonnen have ridden smack to atmospheric hights while quieter guys like Alexander Gustafsson show that a hype train powered solely by ass kicking just doesn’t move as fast. This has led to many fighters stepping outside their comfort bubble and pushing forced and poorly executed shit-talking upon us.
Fortunately every so often a natural comes along and reminds us what the art of smack talk is all about. Check out Hector Lombard talking about Michael Bisping:
“He’s the one who’s talking like, I need a ladder to fight him and stuff like that,” he continued. “Let’s see if I really need a ladder.” Lombard counters with a personal anecdote, saying that at one time, he shook hands with Bisping, only to latch on to the smallest hand he’d ever felt. “I squeezed it and I’m sure he was in pain,” he said. “And after that, he started talking about how short I am. But one thing you can be 100 percent sure about it is that he’s got the smallest hands ever, like a little girl’s hands.”
Then there’s Rory MacDonald, who spews smack so bad it’s good:
“I don’t fight anything like I did when we first fought. I just want to do what he did to me; I want to make him feel the embarrassment I felt in front of his family the same way I felt. I want to hurt him the way he hurt me and I don’t want him ever to forget the time that we’re going to be in there for those 15 minutes. I want him to think about that for the rest of his life.”
“I want him to feel more shame than the time I was caught trying to suck my own penis. I am going to make him cry into his Japanese body pillow the same way he made me cry into my Japanese body pillow. I will punch him hard in the butt over and over and then sniff my gloves. After, I will tuck my penis between my legs and wear his skin while listening to Goodbye Horses.”