Last Monday, Vitor Belfort announced via his Twitter feed that he has contracted hepatitis A, which my research indicates is caused by “anal-oral contact during sex”. Okay, so that’s not the only way to get it, but whatever. The point is, unlike hep C and Nick Diaz, hep A is not chronic, and almost all patients have a full recovery.
That same day, Vitor predicted “in 2 weeks I am back in the gym”, which seemed rather optimistic considering the typical recovery timeframe is a few months, but apparently not if you love the Baby Jesus as much as he does. Only four days later, he declared:
I feel much better today. I have a miracle to sheer,my exam came negative for hepatitisA so is time to celebrate,I believe Jesus heal me
My medical consultant on retainer (read: nurse wife) has confirmed my suspicions that four days would be a dramatically fast recovery from hepatitis A. So it seems there’s two possible explanations here: a) the initial diagnosis/positive test was false, or b) Vitor was miraculously healed by God and/or Jesus and/or the Holy Spook. Call me a skeptic, but I’m more inclined to believe that some Brazilian doctor done goofed. Otherwise I’m having a hard time reconciling Vitor and God being that tight, but God still allowing Vitor to take a Seagal-kick directly to the grill. Or maybe Satan did that.