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Jacob Volkmann versus Obama


Shortly after Jacob Volkmann did us all a solid and got Antonio ‘Mr Decision’ McKee fired, he was interviewed by Ariel Helwani and said some milquetoast stuff about Obama. Asked who he’d like to fight next, here’s how he responded:

“It doesn’t matter … uh … Guida? I don’t know. Actually, Obama. He’s not too bright. He made a lot of … like the *mumble mumble* and then his health care plan. Someone’s gotta knock some sense into that idiot. I just don’t like what Barack is doing. Because I’m a chiropractor so i know the health care situation is not good but he’s making it worse. It’s irritating because I’m starting my own business and it’s not real easy when you’re actually giving insurance companies the power to decline you and not pay you.”

It’d be pretty hard to find tamer comments than that on the internet. If I had a dime for every time someone said “I disagree with the way X country is being run by Y”, I certainly wouldn’t be writing this blog. I’d be trying to convince Nic Cage to sell me his private island in the Bahamas.

Even from my position as a pinko commie, I can’t find much in what Volkmann said that’s very controversial. Insurance companies are cunts. Woah, stop the presses! And even if he pulled out some wacky Brock Lesnar or Matt Hughes material, so what? Political beliefs are like assholes, they’re all at least partially full of shit. Who cares if that shit is dark and red or wet with a slight blue tinge? Maybe your doctor, but not me.

But some people didn’t see it that way. They read it and went HOLY SHIT HE’S GUNNA GET BARRY OBAMA! HIS HANDS ARE LETHAL WEAPONS! CALL THE SECRET SERVICE. So that’s what they did, and because the government really is stupid and pretty much everyone in it deserves to get ‘some sense knocked into them’, the Secret Service actually showed up:

“It was a cop and a Secret Service guy,” Volkmann told “He came to my house first and I wasn’t there. I was coaching youth wrestling at the high school. He said he wanted to ask me some questions about the post-fight interview. He said someone had called in D.C.

“He just asked me a couple questions, [like] if I was going to Washington to do anything to the president. I said, ‘That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of,’” added Volkmann. “It took maybe two minutes. He said he was embarrassed to even come out here, because he knew that nothing was going on.”

The fighter said that he had received several messages about the video, including one e-mail from a woman irate over his comments who claimed to be affiliated with Obama’s organization. Volkmann said the woman told him she would contact the Secret Service as a result of his interview.

To be fair, Jacob Volkmann does look like the kind of creepy weirdo who’d take a shot at the president. The secret service probably got one look at this picture and decided they better go check him out just to make sure he hadn’t eaten those babies yet. He’s the kind of guy I wouldn’t let touch my spine, mainly due to the fact that he kept on licking his lips when talking about my “stiff lumbar.”

  • SST

    Please waste more of our tax dollars.

  • thingvolds

    hope and change

  • aaronb

    Jake needs to lay off the Fox news.

  • Jemaleddin

    I think the problem for Jacob comes down to:

    * He said, “Someone’s gotta knock some sense into that idiot,” which is pretty tame, except he said that he wanted to fight Obama as well – making that someone him.
    * Somebody snitched. When they get complaints, they have to follow up.
    * He’s a chiropractor. Even the secret service knows those guys are quacks.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    @Jem – he would of hurt Obama real bad, but after an hour it would’ve worn off.

  • frickshun


  • SprechenSieDouche

    You don’t remember the effigy burning, boycott’s, protests, and hysteria from the American Right Wingnuts when country singers The Dixie Chicks said that they didn’t support the Iraq invasion?

    Volkmann is definitely getting off easy compared to what happened to those girls and others who made proclamations against the Iraq War and W in the 2000’s.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Who cares, it’s not patriotism if the prez is brown.

  • Reverend Clint

    the guy is a chiropractor ie a scam artist

  • iamphoenix

    true story, butters said chiropractor’s come from Cairo.

  • FiveBoltMain

    Don’t be putting words in my mouth mofo.

  • frickshun

    ^^I bet mom & dad sure would be sore if they heard you talking w/that potty mouth, Butters.

  • SST

    Leno skit is LOL. Don’t mess with a nigga!:


    SSDouche-Yes, because the dixie dykes were the only celebrities that ever spoke out against GW

  • Reverend Clint

    i think volkmann has like 3 or 4 fans nothing compared how big the Dixie chicks were at the time. national spot light vs the maybe 1 million people aware he exists.