James Toney: No longer a giant fatass

Apparently, James “Talk to yo’ masta; come holla at me, boy” Toney has been limiting himself to one Triple Whopper per day in anticipation of his fight with Ken Shamrock, which is targeted for November but has not been finalized. 8 Count News has posted a new picture of the formerly-pudgy former boxer actually looking decent at 213 pounds at a party in LA. We will now have to go from dubbing this fight a potential Deepwater Horizon or Exxon Valdez-type “disaster of epic proportions” to a mere train wreck. However, explosions, twisted metal, and general incompetence are still expected all around.

We all can’t help but remember when Toney showed up at a very fat-looking 237 pounds for his weigh-in against Randy Couture at UFC 118. The reason why we can’t help but remember it is because the image was irrevocably seared into our retinas and now we have to watch it over and over again while trying to enjoy porn. Attempting to alleviate the ocular havoc that was being wrought, Toney donned a t-shirt for the staredown, but the damage was done. And this was AFTER he had “slimmed down considerably” since the fight was announced.

Badlefthook has some information about Toney’s past history with weight issues:

For those who didn’t see Toney’s fight in February with Damon Reed, ” target=”_blank”> it’s available on YouTube. Toney, who turns 43 in August, looked awful in the 10-round decision win, and came in at a career-high 257 pounds. That’s 20 pounds higher than he was when he was heavily criticized for being in terrible condition in 2006 against Hasim Rahman.

It is good to see Toney in a condition that doesn’t simply scream “washed up”, but the circus atmosphere during the June 26 press conference ” target=”_blank”>just reeks of desperation. It is always fun to witness insults such as “When it’s over, I’m gonna blow you up,” but it ends up being a situation in which we curtail our levity because deep down inside we know it’s wrong to laugh at the handicapped. The 30-second grappling rule and three-minute rounds proposed for the bout not only make it clear that Toney is admitting inadequacy, but may also be part of the reason why the location of the bout has not been finalized: legit athletic commissions may be hesitant to approve the rule changes. Though if I were on an athletic commission, I’d be more concerned about the fact that both of these fighters have absorbed so much punishment that they may both be literally one punch away from subtitles.

This also invites speculation as to how much weight Toney could actually cut if he were serious about getting all the way into shape, and had time to do so. At 213, he could easily cut water weight to make 205, but based on the fact that he still appears to have a decent amount of body fat (black may conceal the torso, but in the golden days of MySpace, I learned to judge fatness by the arms and neck), he could probably eventually make Franklinweight (195), or perhaps even middleweight. He will still suck at grappling, but he might be able to actually dispatch some low-level opponents with punches at those weights, making the slobberknocker enthusiast in all of us say “ooooooooooh”.

One more video of Toney after the jump, going “Mruwhwmfhfhfm Kimbo mmrrrphtfffshfffffssss…”

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    You do realize he’s fighting Ken Shamrock?  He could show up in an electric wheelchair and win with a jab.

  • Blackula Jonez

    Part of me is honestly surprised that a perpetual underacheiver like Toney is actually getting serious about this fight.

     

    If he could just manage to get underhooks and dirty box he should be safe, but this is assuming he is actually training for any grappling in this weird ruled mma-with-partial-grappling match.

  • Reverend Clint

    looks like kimbos little homeless brother

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Midnight, are you crazy?  Underhooks?  It’s Ken “Phantom Punch” Shamrock. Round 1: he’s going down to the first punch that shifts air within 3 inches of his face, and then he’s gonna put some undisclosed earnings down on his mortgage.

  • glassjawsh

    male member
    membrum virile
    phallus
    pizzle
    virile member
    chopper
    cock
    ding-a-ling
    ding-dong
    dingy
    dong
    dork
    johnson
    John Thomas
    joystick
    knob
    lad
    love muscle
    love truncheon
    male rod
    manhood
    member
    organ
    package
    pecker
    pee-pee
    pee-wee
    penis
    peter
    piece
    pink cigar
    prick
    pud
    shaft
    shlong
    skin flute
    tallywacker
    tadger
    third leg
    todger
    tool
    trouser snake
    unit
    wang
    weapon
    wee-wee
    wiener
    willie
    winky
    yard
    boner
    dicksicle

    i vote you change your name to truncheon

  • G Funk

    Pink cigar, skin flute and dicksicle F-T-W!

    And he looks like Rick Ross on crizack.

  • frickshun

    Pink cigar makes me think of those gum cigars from when I was a kid. Anyway, now that Shawn is a lawyer person, I think its him trying to hide his identity. Except less funny.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Agentsmith was always more link-a-riffic than Shawn though, but he was also funny and replied to comments.  These new cats are just dead weight for the community.  Even Ryan throws in the occasional LOL these days.

    Where’s the lowblow and/or the happy hour?

  • iamphoenix

    Id rather have agentsmithy as well.

  • Letibleu

    This is for you guys then. I have no opinion yet, I need to see more dick.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    I find that hard to believe, Leti.

  • agentsmith

    Thanks for the props, guys. But I do have a day job.

  • FightlinkerDick

    Hello, all… It is I, Dick. You’ll have to go easy on me at first, because even though I have always been an amateur smartass, this is my first time being a smartass on such a high level.

  • FightlinkerDick

    Oh, and thank you for the logo. I think I’ll steal it.

  • CAP

    You didn’t steal it. You were branded.

    How many roids is James Toney doing right now??

  • iamphoenix

    Haha. Im pretty sure thats leti

  • Letibleu

    Dicks dont let dicks be dicks.

  • G Funk

    Holy Chit Leti changed his avi! Looks psycho, link please. Now Omo will come back and change his.

  • frickshun

    Once they legalized it in NY, Omo moved there for his nuptuals……

    Oh & I think this Dick character has a future. In fast food.

  • Letibleu

    Dog died a week after this pic was taken. He drowned drinking water.

     

  • G Funk

    ^ And I thought it was one of the mephesto massacred toys in Toy Story.

  • Letibleu
  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Awww, Leti, he can make it on his own!

  • G Funk

    It sounded like they were talking bout eating the ‘lil inbred puppymill product.

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