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Jeremy Horn looked like shit

I bet on Jeremy Horn. No, not with any real moneys. But back when I was ripping the MMA Girl for her picks (funny how that turned out, huh?), I tapped Horn to take Marquardt. I figured Horn would be hungry and ready for one more big money run before hanging up the gloves. God knows the guy deserves it … he’s like one of the original MMA journeymen, with over 100 freaking fights under his belt.

Of course, now I know why lots of bettors don’t actually commit to a fighter until they see him at the weigh-ins. Horn’s old nickname was ‘Gumby’, and it was appropriate for all the wrong reasons on Saturday: he was soft and flabby looking. As soon as he took off his shirt at ringside I was like “Aw, shit.”

Hey, I’m not one to believe you have to be a rippling slice o’ man meat to get places in the UFC, but Horn was simply outmuscled by Marquart. Note to Jeremy: All those big muscles and shit do help. While a flabby armed guillotine probably feels like getting your neck stuck in a hydabed (not pleasant, trust me), a guillotine from a musclehead like Nate Marquard is like getting caught in a bear trap. You tap the fuck out before your head pops off. And that’s exactly what happened on Saturday.

So what’s next for Horn? I dunno, but I’d say he needs to meet with a nutritionist, re-introduce himself to the gym, and either cut down to 170 or bulk up so he’s not the bitch of the middleweight division. Oh, and am I the only one who was sad Horn apparently grew some testicles and decided NOT to come out to that 17 year old girl’s cover of Holding on for a Hero? I mean, I’m down with AC/DC and all. But come on. Bonnie Tyler FTW.

  • #1 jackal

    ac/dc sucks. i hate everything about them.

  • Smitler

    Those aren’t his real nipples surely?
    I cry “photoshop trickery”!

  • dignan

    Always a journeyman, never a champion.

    Horn has simply become a card filler, with no real chance of having any impact. He did step in the ring with Liddell, when Liddell was actual scary…and the 100 fight thing is impressing me less everday.

    Big Nog has 40 fights or so, but they were all quality. I do hope Gumby reads this column and takes your advice.

  • Captain

    What a little bitch. I thought the Holding on for a Hero entrance was going to be fuckin sweet.

    The nips are not real… but they are funny.

  • Erin

    He totally would have won if he had come out to “Holding out for a Hero”. His lack of conviction about his entrance music was his undoing.

  • Beau

    If Gumby was a little more flexible he would have had that Gogoplata. Dude fuckin held his own against Marquadt and I felt like the fight was turning his way at the end of the first round. Then he goes and gets caught in a fuckin guilotine while leaving his neck out like an amateur bitch. Even though he’ll never be a champ he’d be a great gatekeeper to put up against the MW up and comers. I always enjoy watching his fights. You gotta root for the flabby pasty white guy who someow hangs in there and nearly wins via sweet jiu jitsu moves.

  • dan

    gutted horn didnt win. i think deep down i knew he wouldnt but i wanted him to win

  • Dangerfield

    Horn needs to move up to HW. The weight cuts are taking a toll on him

  • Márcio

    I predicted a Horn win, but this is the last time, if a top opponent like Marquardt isn’t enought to motivate him to at least show up in shape, I’m guessin nothing will. Very sad, he’s one of my favorite fighters.

  • MacDaddy

    It looks like he’s been breastfeeding…

  • Captain

    In his defense about not being in great shape he did take the fight on relatively short notice. Though his physique has always been kind of… how do you say… unimpressive.

  • Dangerfield

    Horn needs to spend some time with Hammerhouse. Then he would be jacked up but wouldnt remember what an omoplata is.