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Joe Rogan rips Kelloggs several new assholes

This has nothing to do with fighting other than the fact that Joe Rogan is the UFC color guy, so skip this over if you came here strictly for MMA news, opinion, or nonsensical musings. This instead has to do with a multitude of factors including, but not limited to, (1) marijuana; (2) politics; (3) cartoon characters; (4) Olympic swimming; (5) putting hypocritical morons in their place; and (6) plain awesomeness.

If you haven’t heard it in the news by now, swimming god Michael Phelps was caught taking bong rips at a college house party. The aftermath of his decision to get high has caused a media blitz likely due to the fact that there’s nothing else important going on in the world, save for A-Rod’s steroid usage and the big surprise that a chimp attacked a human (see: war in Iraq, war in Afghanistan, failing economy, shit hitting the fan in Darfur). Now, Phelps participation in the 2012 Olympics is questionable and he has lost multiple sponsorship deals, most notably with Kelloggs.

This is where Joe Rogan comes in. It’s no secret that Rogan REALLY likes smoking weed. He also happens to be both a talented stand-up comic and, overall, a pretty intelligent guy. That means he can fuck your life up with words. Badly. Joe recently sat down at his computer and posted a blog where he verbally assaults the Kelloggs Company to the extent that, if it had been a physical assault, Kelloggs would look like the woman who got effed up by that monkey. No matter where you stand on the marijuana issue, there’s no doubting Rogan’s domination. A few notable passages:

First of all, although it is true that Mr. Phelps broke the law, I think any reasonably intelligent person would admit that it’s one of the most fucked up and corrupt laws that we have today in this country. Marijuana is relatively harmless and certainly far less dangerous than a host of other things that are not only legal but also readily available, like alcohol and prescription drugs. The only reason it remains illegal to this day is because it’s a plant and you can’t patent it and control it’s sale, and because if it were legal it would greatly affect the demand for a host of prescription drugs that rake in billions of dollars each year for pharmaceutical companies.

It’s 2009, and in this day and age with the incredible access to information that we have available there’s no fucking way that we should be allowing human beings to tell other human beings that they can’t do something that they enjoy that hurts no one including themselves. THAT is madness. THAT is ignorant, and THAT is completely fucking un-American.

I don’t want to hear any of that, “he’s setting a bad example with the children” nonsense either, because we all know if he had a gin and tonic in his hand instead of a bong this would never have been an issue, even though every single study ever done has shown that marijuana is FAR less dangerous than alcohol.

Marijuana laws are a horrible waste of resources and law enforcement, and especially in this day and age with our economy in such horrible shape I believe the last thing we need to be doing is wasting tax payers’ money on any of this victimless bullshit.

Do you guys ever think about what you sell? Pop tarts? Are you kidding me? I would be willing to bet that 50% of the people buying pop tarts are stoned out of their fucking minds. You guys sell sugar-drenched shit that’s horrible for your body – in fact, it’s actually way worse for your body than pot – and you market this shit specifically to children. You assholes go as far as putting lovable cartoon characters on the boxes just so that kids will beg their parents for it.

I think I can affirmatively state that Tony the Tiger just got KTFO’d.