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Jon Koppenhaver takes you back to jail with him in his latest prison blogs

After spending a year in county jail, Jon ‘War Machine’ Koppenhaver seemed ready to turn over a new leaf. A few months after his release he fought and KO’d Roger Huerta and was scheduled to compete in Bellator’s Season 6 welterweight tournament. Unfortunately, past assaults came back to haunt him and he was incarcerated for another year over a fight with a bouncer in 2009. As before, he’s blogging his experience in the American penal system and it’s a fascinating look into the day to day life of prisoners and their psyche.

Man, I’m hurting inside real bad tonight, I have so much anger, hate, pain, and confusion inside. And I’m helpless, I’m locked in this box…

I wanna talk to someone, one of my friends, I feel really alone right now. F*ck man, I never cried for sh*t my last year, and this time it seems I’m always mustering up all I have inside, all my strength, to stop the tears from falling. I’m just so f*cking discouraged. Just when I was about to get back on my feet, I got blind-sided by this bullshit. I’m gonna get out again, no money, out of shape, skills rusted, and this time with no wife, nothing. Start from scratch again. It was hard last time, but I had support and I was strong and confident that the B.S. was over, I thought I had a clean slate and I was motivated. Right now I feel really self-destructive, my spirit is weak this time around. I have never understood the idea of “cutting.” You know those people who cut into their arms all the time? Right now I want to cut into my f*cking face. I’ve been beating on it with my fists, and it helps relieve some of the pain I feel, but I really wish I could cut it.

I remember watching a documentary about Mike Tyson and listening to him describe why he got his face tattoos and him saying that he hates himself, hates to see himself. Right now, I feel that way. I f*cking hate myself. That’s prolly another reason why I’m a bad husband or b/f, also why I hate receiving gifts and avoid holidays… because I f*cking hate myself so much and I hate to have someone care about me. I love to care about people though, I want to die for them, those I care for. I wish I could die saving them, so then they could know how much I love them. That’s why I am the best friend – if I have one quality, it is that. Like a Spartan that prays he can die in battle, I wish I could die for those I love. I f*cking hate my life. I shouldn’t be alive, I should have died at birth, but the f*cking doctor saved me. I’d rather have choked to death on my umbilical cord. Technology/medicine/doctors, they made me live when I shouldn’t have, that’s why my life is f*cked, why I don’t fit, I wasn’t supposed to be.

I feel better today, but I guess that’s how this year in jail’s gonna be, an emotional roller coaster. Part of me wants to erase what I wrote last night, it’s embarrassing to show my weaknesses, but f*ck it, I won’t. And that’s what separate me from the other athletes, from other people in the spotlight, I’m not afraid to be human. I don’t want to be one way in public and another behind closed doors. I want people to be able to relate to me, to see my troubles and be able to compare themselves to me. Maybe my struggles can help someone else in a similar situation. I’m not a faker, I hate liars, hate phonies. Right now, I’m in a struggle, but I’m gonna win. I’m gonna take all of this and bottle it up, rage on it, and unleash it upon my release. Train harder, fight meaner, and let my success be a giant F*CK YOU to all the cowards that keep trying to hold me back. Bellator Season 7 Tourney can’t come soon enough.


I will get back up.

For those keeping count, this will be the third time Koppenhaver will try and get into Bellator. First time round, he said some stuff about Obama that got him released (stuff that wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow on Fox Nation). Second time, back to jail. Third time’s a charm? Call me crazy, but I’m rooting for him. The only thing he’s really good at is punching faces in, so I hope that works out for him.

After the jump, War Machine’s plan to escape to a magical land of true freedom and liberty gets a 2012 update.

Then, as soon as this cowardly ass government stops holding me hostage in this country, against my will (probation), I’m gone! Goodbye USA. I’m going to take myself to a country where they don’t punish men for being MEN. My children will be raised knowing the dangers posed to men by the United States, and God willing, I’ll live to see the day America FALLS. With their gigantic, irresponsible amount of national debt and with the way THEY BULLY the other countries of the world, it is only a matter of time! And at such time, the U.S. government will look around their lands for capable warriors, the same type of capable warriors that initially built America as a haven for MEN, and for FREEDOM. But they will find none! None left to defend her borders because all the good warrior genes have been either destroyed, bred out by the softness of her system, or in cases like myself. G-O-N-E. Gone to live in a real land of freedom, far far away! F*ck you politicians! F*ck you judges and DA’s! F*ck you for raping our country! F*ck you for exploiting police officers, using them to enforce your bullsh*t, unjust and immoral laws. It’s no different than when Hitler used the brave soldiers and cops of his country to enforce his unjust and immoral laws, NO DIFFERENT! Hitler started out with baby steps, infringing rights a lil’ here, a lil’ there, until BAM! No one knew what hit them. I can only wait and see what ultimate evil lay in wait for the future of America and all of you better mark my words because it’s coming. America can’t keep me down though because I’m not a real criminal! They may have got me for 2 years of my life, but now I’m hip to them. They f*cked up in showing me their battle lines… I’m a winner with an OLD spirit, one that’s been in wars since ever since, and I will NOT make the same mistake again!

  • kwagnuth

    He hates himself because he’s a phoney but now he is keeping it real. FUCK A OBAMA.

  • drunkenjunk

    I used to hate this guy, but I really want him to do well now.

  • bluerosekiller

    I suppose that I’m one of those weak individuals that he rants on about because, while I STILL can’t stand the guy & I happen to think that he’s a complete idiot, I have compassion for him. His situation & the pain that he’s feeling now is terrible. 

    But, he only has himself to blame. No one forced him to get f**ked up & beat up random people. That shits against the law. This isn’t the wild f**king west.  It’s a civilized country in which people have a right to be protected from bullies & psychos that are physically stronger & capable of harming them.”War Machine” may envision himself leaving prison & finding some sort of fantasy land where “REAL MEN” are allowed to do whatever the hell they want to without repercussions, but, unless he wants to go try to convince some third world country to open it’s borders to him upon his release, he’s going to be out of luck.Hell, the guy isn’t even intelligent enough to realize that even if he did find said “freedom” in 

  • theinsaneoneJustinMcCully

    from porn to pen

  • bluerosekiller

    the world, he very likely be shot dead the first time he attempted to pull his “man’s man” routine on some dude there.

    Let’s face it, though he’s talking big things upon his release, he’s likely just going to wind up back in jail again. Because although he’s filled with a self loathing rage, he’s also apparently incapable of accepting responsibility for his actions. He has no accountability. With him, it’s always someone else’s fault. Whether it’s the people whom he’s assaulted, the criminal justice system, the President, the government …   You name it, he’s got an excuse about how they’re all out to get him.He’s probably headed to a bad end with an attitude & belief system like that. We can only hope that the only person he harms on the way to it is himself & no one else.

  • Nepal

    I hope he gets it together and I hope he doesn’t come to Philippines like he said earlier or even worse, to Thailand.  A guy like that would get killed really quickly here.  You fuck with one Thai guy in the street, you fuck with them all and they are vicious mother fuckers.

  • G Funk

    Blue roses are the gayest kind of rose.

  • WestCoastBeez

    They been telling me since grade-school how “great” this country is. Read what he says about America.There’s truth to that.I never knew the cat was that intelligent. I was never that big a fan, but i am now. Hope he gets his shot with Bellator.  (BTW, that was a bouncer 100 lbs bigger than him that he socked.)

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  • angela baroni

    Philip and I love u. We are in Las Vegas. Put us on the list. He wants to come visit you. Please let us know if its okay. 

  • iamphoenix

    Put me on the list for Vegas as well. Please let me know if this is okay.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Wow , Angela actually seems smart enough to legitimately be a Baroni.

  • ButtHorn

    He gets to blog from prison?

    I guess he IS white.

  • G Funk


  • iamphoenix

    it would be awesome to read war machine’s blog written in ye olde english. but in spanish.

  • frickshun

    Since ever since!! That about sums it up.

    Incidentally, my daughter had to write a poem about how great America is for school. I told the teacher it’s absolute bullshit. Why does my daughter have to be proud that we were here when she was born? Should she have been less proud if we were in Canada when she popped out? I fucking hate patriotism & nationalism. Think GLOBAL you fucking monkeys.

    PS: I’m with War Machine. Even if he is a mediocre fighter @ best.

  • G Funk

    ^ Then you should take Obumer and LEAVE!!!! You don’t like it fruity, hipster NYC douche faggot then leave! It;s the greatest county of the world MUrrica BITCH! BUSCH, NASCAR and bitches FAGGOT!!!

  • mobius
  • SumDude

    Considering this is a website about fighting and aggression (in the form of mixed martial art) some of you are in my opinion unnecessarily harsh on Mr Koppenhaver. He didnt really “beat up random people” that makes him seem like some crazy aggressive psychopath. I don’t condone what he did but I wasn’t their so I don’t really know what happened.

  • Motorcycleboy

    I agree with bluerosekiller. War Machine has no respect for the law and jail has taught him the error of his wild west mentallity.

    The assaults he committed were no laughing matter. He is strong enough and well trained enough to kill someone with a single blow. However, the authorities gave him a seond chance and he blew it, so they had no choice but to jail him in the interest of public safety.

    Don’t feel sorry for this guy.

  • qwkinuf

    Jonathan Paul Koppenhaver
    # 1934433
    800 S. Victoria Ave Jail
    Ventura CA 93009

    1 count Battery Resulting in Substantial Bodily Harm – 1 to 5 yrs – $10k in fines
    1 count Battery By Strangulation – 1 to 20 yrs – $10k in fines
    2 counts Battery with Substantial Bodily Harm – 1 to 5 yrs – $20k in fines
    1 count Open and Gross Lewdness – 1 yr – $2k in fine – Sex Offender Reistration
    1 count Assault with Deadly Weapon – 2 to 15 yrs – $5k in fines
    1 count Coercion with Use of Force or Threat of Force – 1 to 6 yrs – $5k in fines

    Taking into account his past history, he’s looking forward to probably $30k+ for legal defense, 5+ yrs in prison, $30k+ in fines, and $250k+ in lawsuit settlements.

    He just screwed the rest of his life over with his pathetic ‘I can get away with anything’ ego. War Machine’s name will be changing to ‘Prison Punk’ when he’s corn-holed by Bubba, the 480 lb gorilla from Manila who doesn’t play by octagon rules in general population.

    And of course he just kissed his professional fighting and lame porno careers goodbye. Whenever he does gets out, he’ll have to register as a sex-offender and with his colorful history, the only work he’ll find on the street is sweeping it.