twitter google

Kalib ‘digs a hole’

Yesterday I suggested that Kalib just needed to apologize straight up and then shut his fucking mouth. Today he released a statement that started out strong:

I would like to begin by saying that I was very happy to fight in Montreal, and that I trained really hard for my fight. I know that there were many people, including myself, who were disappointed with my performance, and I would like to apologize to my coaches, trainers and the fans for what happened. It was by far the worst fight of my career, much to the credit of my opponent who proved to be a real monster in the ring, I think that they should keep him in a cave somewhere and feed him raw meat!

…but then devolved into some serious lame shit. Here’s some highlights lowlights:

During the fight I received a broken bone in my right foot and I find out tomorrow if I need to have surgery and get a pin put through it so that it will heal properly. I also have severe bruising on my left thigh, lumps on my head, a fat black eye, a sprained jaw and damage to the nerves in my molars.

Oh no, not severe bruising on your leg! Not a black eye!

For him to come out and make a statement like that as though I should be willing to suffer a brain injury while being paid less than $10,000 is beyond comment. How much is a brain injury worth anyway?

Well, considering the worst most fighters get as far as ‘brain injuries’ goes is a concussion, 10k ain’t too shabby. And that’s if you actually end up concussed. Most fights get stopped before they reach that point, and some fighters are actually able to fight back in order to reduce the damage they’re receiving and some fighters actually try to win!

The worst part though is at the end where he tries to make jokes about the situation and then tie it up with a quote from Charles Bukowski:

I’ve been bombarded by questions from every media organization you can imagine. You’d think that I had knocked up Britney Spears, or strangled Paris Hiltons pet Chihuahua. They ask me clever questions like: Why would you want to be released from your UFC contract? Were you injured? What was it like on that reality show? Exactly what is a ‘hollaback girl’? Do lion-tiger hybrids (ligers) really exist? Which is better, chocolate, or vanilla? And finally; Why is your cardio always in question?” But I don’t answer them, ‘I just light my cigarette, and smile.’

Bukowski is yet another self-destructive artist in the vein of that shithead Jack Kerouac, and the quote is from his poem “The Best Way to get Famous is to Run Away”. Starnes’ reference to him would be witty if his situation was actually similar to that of the poem. But the poem’s main character is purposefully ‘digging a hole’ and happily stepping away from fame. Bukowski was being unconventional on purpose. Starnes just fucked up and had a shitty fight and is now flailing to try and add reason to his loss. If he really wants to try and compare his fight to something related to Bukowski, he should have just quoted the inscription on Bukowski’s tombstone: “Don’t Try”.

Now THAT sums his performance up quite nicely.

  • Dangerfield

    Did I not call this Bukowski crap yesterday and provide a link with some witty jokes. No props.

  • Atom

    I hate it when people turn my references against me.
    FL- what do you suppose Kalib should have done after breaking his foot? Its not as if he’d be getting less shit right now if he asked the ref to stop the fight…again. (or would he?) I don’t know how much harder it would be to take someone down with a broken foot, but it didn’t seem like Kalib would have been able to do that with 3 health feet.

  • clint notestine
  • Hanzo Hattori

    Guy moving to fast, circling around the cage to well for someone with a broken foot.

    The asshole should have pulled guard

  • clint notestine

    God damn link! Anyways if you look at the kick that supposedly broke his foot it hardly even connects and he doesn’t even flinch or shake it off. Its funny cause he “broke” his foot with one minute left in round 1 and had been running away the entire time before that.

  • Hanzo Hattori

    mma fans from Surrey embarassed???

  • garth

    i’m telling you, they were trying to torpedo the Canadiens. BC bastards!

  • fightlinker

    He should have baited Quarry, he was taking enough jabs that he should have fallen back on his butt to get Quarry to jump in, then pulled guard and worked some JJ.

    It’s pretty simple MMA theory: if you’re losing on the feet, take it to the ground. Quarry was the striker, and Starnes is supposed to be the JJ guy (although i’ve never seen it).

  • clint notestine

    if he had broken his foot being on the ground would seem the answer. Or maybe saying something to your corner or ref.

  • Lifer

    you want the bjj black belt to actually use grappling..? he’s only human, guys.

  • kentyman

    The Best Way to Get Infamous is to Run Away Like a Bitch.

  • kentyman

    Kalib ‘digs a hole’ deeper than Belcher dug into his head.

  • clint notestine

    Yeah he should have ran more in his Belcher fight.

  • Hanzo Hattori

    interesting… hasent recovered from getting carved open by Belcher.

  • clint notestine

    Ryan did you have any luck posting my Kalib vid on dailymotion?

  • mdhan

    “damage to the nerves in my molars”

    hahahahaha what a way to say “I had a toothache”. I think he tried too hard to make it sound like it was something he got during the fight.

  • esther

    Since I actually like Bukowski, I’m offended Kalib referenced him. Very offended.

  • ajadoniz


  • fightlinker

    Nah they take that shit down and warned they’d delete my account :-/

  • clint notestine

    yeah same here damn you UFC! maybe I can post it on a porn site with embed technology.

  • nem0

    Does he actually expect sympathy after pulling that shit? Dude’s brain must’ve gone soft after Belcher nearly stuck his elbow in it through Starnes’s giant forehead vagina.

  • fightlinker

    I honestly think a third through the letter he decided to torpedo himself so at least he’d be able to have control over people hating on him. It’s much easier to wallow in hate than try to win people back over. Just another stupid beat generation trait. “Fuck me? No, fuck you!”