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Lobby Bashley to fight Ken Shamrock

Bloody Elbow has the scoop:

Sources close to Bloody Elbow can exclusively confirm that the heretofore unnamed opponent of former WWE superstar Bobby Lashley set to square off at Roy Jones Jr.’s mixed boxing and MMA event known as “March Badness” is none other than Ken Shamrock.

One, that’s the first time I’ve seen the word “heretofore” used in a sentence outside of an 18th century contract for the sale of land. Two, what does this mean for the highly anticipated Ken vs. Tank fight that we’ve all been waiting for? You know, that fight that’s “absolutely” better than Frank Shamrock’s fight with Nick Diaz.

Ken might get approved by an athletic commission despite losing 96% of the fights he’s had this millenium, but I doubt he’ll get sanctioned to fight Tank (or any other human) if he gets destroyed by Lashley. I’m not a doctor, but I have a hunch that no medical professional on the planet will approve Ken to fight if he’s wearing a full body cast and shitting blood. There’s something about the phrase “I can’t control my own bowels” that screams “unfit for athletic competition.”

Honestly, this hybrid boxing/MMA event doesn’t look all that bad. Jones himself will be highlighting the boxing portion of the card, taking on 27-8 Omar Shieka. In addition to the Lashley/Shamrock assault, the MMA portion will also feature former WEC champ and proponent of silly chest tattoos Doug Marshall throwing down with the totally not-even-a-little gay Seth Petruzelli in a bout where one man will remain slightly relevant and the other will need to apply for unemployment. Roy “Big Country” Nelson will face Jeff “The Snowman” Monson in a bout between two legitimate top 20 heavyweights that could propel the winner to a UFC contract.

From a business perspective, this could be fairly successful. Jones should be able to atract hardcore boxing fans, MMA diehards, and pro wrestling aficionados. Hey, if Bloody Elbow can use “heretofore” then I can say “aficionado,” so fuck off.