It’s an established fact that in order to be a REAL MAN, it’s totally necessary to kill animals and use their body parts as attractive clothing and decorations for our homes. Equally obvious to everyone is the fact that if we don’t eat the flesh of these same animals, we will break out in what appear to be sores, but are actually tiny vaginas, and painful transfusions of beef blood will be required. Therefore, we are forced for the sake of our own well being to kill animals.
However, there is one caveat to this: We are only allowed to kill things that are ugly. Cute animals are worth more and are therefore entitled to live out their natural lives in a state of bliss, licking their own balls in front of adults and children alike whenever they so please. We are willing to spend millions to save ecologically useless polar bears even as we ask for another delicious slice of pig holocaust. The only reason why Ben Henderson and the rest of his Korean flock eat dogs is because they have no souls (and because they are so delicious, especially when Henderson both barbecues and fries them).
So naturally, it enrages us when someone like that stupid redneck Matt Hughes kills a bobcat seemingly for his own amusement. I mean, how would he feel if we shot him? And when we complain about his callousness in destroying a life that could have ended up producing funny lolcat pictures or inspirational nature posters, stinky Matt Hughes calls us idiots:
Boo-urns, Matt Hughes. Even though your tweet was retweeted over 100 times, those people are all smellyfaces. I hope that whatever shelf Dana White put you on is both uncomfortable and dusty.