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Miguel Torres tests out a cup with hammer shots to the groin

I know what you were thinking after watching last week’s Bellator stink-toe incident (NSFW unless you work for a urologist or STD clinic). You were thinking, “with all the newfangled Internets and Burj Dubais around these days, why can’t they design a cup that provides more protection than a styrofoam egg carton filled with broken lightbulbs?” Well, a guy named Craig Diamond has gotten a patent on a cup design that he says actually works. And to prove it, he has taken to putting MMA fighters on megaphones to announce that they will be smashing him in the balls with a hammer, then absorbing the blows with a smile.

Diamond’s website, which sells the cup and jock for $110, features an ESPN Sports Science-style video on the cup minus the geeky comparisons between the force of a nut kick and the charge of a rampaging hippo. Other videos of this cup abound, such as ” target=”_blank”>cup-protected-tomato-getting-run-over-by-a-car comparison test, which clearly implies the balls-through-a-meat-grinder effect of choosing to protect your marbles with a Shock Doctor instead of a Diamond cup. I’m convinced that I want one of these babies in my stocking (OK, in my pants) this year.

  • G Funk

    All cups will work like that. Don’t you uber train like five time a week omg suxxors!!!11 Cock?  Lets see him in an intense grappling session for a min. and do the same without adjustment.

     

  • iamphoenix

    hes already started to cry funk.

  • dick

    If you look at their website instead of just spewing shit out of your mouth without reading anything, you’ll see that the patented part of the cup/jock design is actually the four straps and the compartment that prevent it from moving when you grapple, etc.

    And no, not just any cup will refrain from breaking when it takes a hard hit. Cups do break.

    Not that I would have expected you to actually, you know, read anything before talking shit.

  • agentsmith

    ^ This post brought to you by Dale Carnegie.

  • iamphoenix

    “internet forums…how do they work?”

    -richard cock face

  • Blackula Jonez

    I never notice an article is written by Dick until I read the comments.

    What would white people do on the internet if they weren’t bitching about shit that doesn’t matter?

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Wait, you’re white?

  • Mixed Martial Adam

  • glassjawsh

    @ Scotty Bluckula – is the Jazz Band Player calling the kettle black??

  • Jarman

    jonez, we’d probably be bitching about people with different skin colour, ethnic background or religious denomination. you know, shit that shouldn’t matter, but still does.

  • frickshun

    MMadam–>AWESOME FUCKING GIF. Better than the OP for sheezy.

  • Blackula Jonez

    truly awesome gif good sir.

     

    And DJ TE, I am blacker than the inside of a coffin on a moonless night, I am cooler than a polar bears toenails soaking in a bowl of everclear.

     

    AM

    BLACKULA

    And how the hell will Hyan Fightlinker ever get any new podcast up if he has to write every article because even when he can convince a new writer to join, the end up washing out due to fan hate.

  • Letibleu

    I guess he better change his selection process then.

  • G Funk

    I think Cock & friends(blackula) are on a permanent rag. You sensitive pussuas are crying over a friendly joke that made fun of others making fun of cockface. everyone else made some light of the fun, even MMAdam! Sense of humor and enjoyment, you guys (Black & cock(ha! Black cock!)) should look for some.

    I

    am

    suckula

    The most serious non-funny excuse for a blackjackal ever.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HktV2yGtLv8

  • frickshun

    I ain’t fallin’ for no banana in no tailpipe!!

  • glassjawsh

    if i strain reallllllly hard, I can almost remember when eddie murphy was funny.
    48 hrs, Beverly Hills Cop 1 and 2, Coming to America and Trading Places were all brilliant. after i watched Raw for the first time when i was about 10 and the word fuck was immediately and permanently a go to part of my vocabulary.

    Another 48hrs ruined his career….

  • Reverend Clint

    no love for pluto nash?

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