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MMA & Handcuffs

MMA is no different than anything else. There are individuals who are seemingly flawless who we all aspire to be and then there are those who don’t always make the best decisions. Actually, there are a few who seem to consistenly make the wrong decisions (I’m lookin’ at you, Krazy Horse). Personally, I love a good news story about somebody just completely fucking up and finding themselves on the wrong side of the law. The misery of others brings me joy.

With the recent arrest of Josh Neer for getting shit hammer drunk and getting into a high speed chase with the cops, I decided to compile a list of the top ten arrests in recent MMA history. If you think I missed somebody, feel free to tell me what a shitty job I did in the comments.

If you’re one of these people who thinks pointing out EPIC FAIL moments in MMA is somehow bad for the sport, get your head out of your ass. Every field has it’s share of screw-ups. You don’t see people calling for an overhaul of state government because Gov. Blagojevich is a douche bag or Gov. Spitzer is a sexual deviant.

List after the jump.

10. Phil Baroni

In April of 2007, The New York Bad Ass was arrested in Florida for one felony count of Threatening a Public Servant and misdemeanor counts for Disorderly Conduct and Resisting Officers Without Violence. Details are sketchy, but I’m guessing it ended with Baroni ripping his shirt off and asking “You know who the hell I am?” before ultimately showing the cop “little Phil.”

9.  War Machine

Everyone’s favorite village idiot, War Machine, was arrested shortly after TUF6 finished taping for beating the shit out of a guy outside of a gym and also for threatening to “destroy civilization.” He was released shortly thereafter because the mentally retarded aren’t held to the same standards as the rest of us.

8.  Melvin Guillard

For all the potential this guy has, there seems to be one major roadblock in his way to making a name for himself in this sport: he loves cocaine.

7.  Leonard Garcia

Garcia was arrested in connection with a massive cocaine ring. He was later exonerated from the charges but admitted that his previous association with the guilty individuals is what led to the suspicion.

6. Josh Neer

This just doesn’t even make sense. First off, drunk driving on New Year’s Eve is at the top of the “things not to do” list, floating somewhere near “Don’t have sex with somebody with AIDS” and “Don’t get into a car with a stranger who has a mustache.” Then, if you make the decision to get behind the wheel, definitely don’t hit a cop car and get into a high speed chase with the local police.

5. Krazy Horse

This guy has been arrested more times than I can count. In fact, he’s probably being arrested right now for selling fake IDs to underage illegal immigrants out of the back of a stolen vehicle — while high on crack.

4. Joe Son

Let’s get one thing straight – gang rape is not funny. The fact that this guy is an early UFC fighter who got “>punched in the balls in legendary fashion and later played “Random Task” in Austin Powers, only to ultimately get convicted for gang rape, makes you at least say “holy shit.” I doubt he subdued his victim by throwing a shoe.

3. Rampage Jackson

Rampage got in an OJ Simpson-esque car chase while driving a vehicle the equivalent of a monster truck — that had his picture painted on a side. Couple this with the multiple days of consuming only energy drinks and his direct conversations with God, and this is one of the most ridiculous stories ever. Just keep beating the shit out of people in the Octagon and we’ll all forget about your complete and utter mental breakdown, Rampage.

2. Todd Beard

This guy, co-founder of Affliction, is absolutely batshit crazy. He punched his ex-girlfriend in the stomach while she was pregnant with his child. To make matters worse, he was also involved with one of those scams that basically steals money from old people. That means Beard’s primary targets are women, babies, and the elderly. Satan reportedly has this guy’s room in Hell ready to go.

1. Lee Murray

In addition to stomping a mudhole in Tito Ortiz outside of a British club a couple years back, Lee Murray helped to orchestratte the biggest heist in the history of the United Kingdom, reportedly walking away with US$91 million. In one lifetime this guy has been a succesfull cage fighter and an even more succesful bank robber. Needless to say, he’s a role model for children.