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Nostradamaas Predictions for Barao vs. McDonald


From the ancient city of London, the red shall flow.
The crowds will cheer the onslaught
While the combatants give their bodies
For the cause of entertainment
…and vagina.

Nostradamaas sees:

  • All fighters will make weight, but Kenny Florian’s hair will realize it needs to drop to featherweight to stay competitive.
  • Matt Riddle will call out Edward Sullivan, the fan from section 15, row H, seat 23 for spitting and calling him a “lousy cunt”.  It will be booked for UFC on Fox 8.
  • Te Huna and Jimmo will put on what the old ones once called a “slugfest dance serving”, consisting of a fist beating and then Ryan’s “Robot” versus James’ “Mashed Potato” at the post-fight press conference.
  • Gunnar Nelson will slip at his hotel and injury his ankle.  He will be unable to fight and will be replaced by musician Gunnar Nelson, in the hopes that the English crowd won’t notice.  They won’t, until the musical Nelson gets promptly beaten into unconsciousness, his flowing blonde locks slowly turning a sickening pink.
  • Jon Anik will, when finishing talking, lean his head forward in a particularly odd manner.
  • Dana White will get into an accident on the way to the stadium and will be happy about the nonchalance of the UK populace with respect to filing traffic reports.
  • Barao will do his best to defeat Michael McDonald and God. I have seen God fight and Barao wants no part of his 2-3-knee.  God’s a killer.

This is all Nostradammas sees…for now.  My head is bleeding.

  • frickshun


  • McBayne

    goddamn it ryan

    like seriously

  • Letibleu

    my lucky charms cereal box was a better read

    Lucky Charms (Oats, (Whole Grain Oats, Flour), Marshmallows (Sugar, Modified Corn Starch, Corn Syrup, Dextrose, Gelatin, Calcium Carbonate, Yellow 5 & 6, Blue 1, Red 40), Artificial Flavor, Sugar, Corn Syrup, Corn Starch, Salt, Calcium Carbonate, Artificial Color, Trisodium Phosphate, Zinc And Iron (Mineral Nutrients), Vitamin C (Sodium Ascorbic), A “B” Vitamin (Niacinamide), Vitamin B2 (Riboflavin), Vitamin B1, Thiamin Mononitrate), Vitamin A, (Palmitate), A B Vitamin (Folic Acid) Vitamin B12, Vitamin D, Vitamin E (Mixed Tocopherols) Added To Preserve Freshness.)

  • Shibo

    Wow. I don’t even know what to say. This was too awful to even joke about. This is site-killing material.

  • KnuckleSandwich

    I enjoyed this article. I also enjoyed kidney stones a few years ago.

  • Letibleu

    i read it again. just wow.

  • Letibleu

    note: every single human that posts here including that gay guy can do better.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    C’mon now, y’all are just piling on because Ryan called you out for not defaming the new meat. So phony.

  • Letibleu

    hmmm, i didnt post this 2 last posts.

  • SST

    I take funnier shits than this article. YUCK!

  • SST

    My shits are funnier than this article. YUCK!

  • frickshun

    SST’s shits are apparently funnier than this article. YUM!!