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Not Ready for Prime Time Players

Goldberg, Rogan, and White must be terribly disappointed that they all went to the same Men’s Wearhouse, bought collared black dress shirts off the same rack, and only got to enjoy their new BFF look for 1 minute and 4 seconds of activity. It’s not like the UFC was not warned that putting two heavy-handed heavyweights on as the only fight for an hour-long broadcast was dangerous. The two kids in the TapouT commercial, Carlos and Giovanni Ruffo, lasted longer and were more memorable.

Dana was as nervous as I have seen him since UFC 30 when he used to have some stubble on his skull. That he loves the sport, the success, and the attention so much is what mitigates against his many flaws. That he spent nearly forty minutes on live TV constantly reminding himself not to use the word “fuck” as a noun, verb, or adjective is why many of us wonder if he is ready for primetime. His left hand was visibly shaking like a drunk with DTs both before the match (when he was trying to be charming) and after (when he was trying not to scream). If Brock Lesnar displays more poise and self-restraint than you, you may want to rethink being the face of MMA.

Speaking of faces, how is it that of all the people on the broadcast, “Big” John McCarthy had the smallest, most proportional skull? He did his job with the skill and restraint we’ve come to expect from him over nearly twenty years. So did the Fox production team who even in the mawkish, sepia-toned, Olympic profile segments managed to cover the fact that the audience had been dick teased for 58 minutes and 56 seconds. The lead up episode of Cops was more action packed.

All in all, a huge missed opportunity.

(Matt Polly is our bigwig book writin’ contributor who’s latest tome ‘Tapped Out’ comes out this week! Are you excited? Because we are, and I’ve already read the thing three times.)

  • G Funk

    Just good writing here. Feels like teflon coated velvet to my eyes. Cock needs to take serious notes.

  • Letibleu

    It could have been better. It could have been much worse. I think too many people were over expecting something (perhaps a Guida/Bendo ish clash) from this fight. I prefer to look at it as a sampler of things to come. It will take a week for any fallout to properly be analyzed. I just want to watch fights and will leave this broadcast business shit to people that went to school for it and have experience at it.

    As a fan that knows fuck all about the live sports broadcast business, I found the production to look rock solid. Sure it was a shitload of foreplay to what could be described as premature ejaculation but this is what we love about MMA. You can never predict an outcome. This was a teaser. This was a production practice lap.

    I miss just being a fan.

  • iamphoenix

    was funny seeing joe tuck his shirt in.

  • Reverend Clint

    im just glad it didnt turn into a wrestle fuck/hugging match

  • Mixed Martial Adam

    Joe looked almost sober, almost.

    The night of fights was good, but Cain/JDS was pretty shit. It was over before it got started and that must have been negative for FOX and the UFC. I had a ton of people texting me wondering if there would be another fight aired and if I didn’t just watch four hours of facebook fights I would have been upset too.

    However, it’s not fair of Dana to single out Valasquez and his gameplan. The fight hadn’t even really started and the first real punch ended the match. If anyone is to blame it’s the UFC and Fox for being foolish enough to show one fight featuring two deadly finishers and think it would go a few rounds. Everyone saw this coming, why didn’t they?

    Bendo/Guida more than made up for the main event, but out of the 5.7 million people that tuned in I wonder how many opened their laptop to watch it?

  • iamphoenix

  • Fitdaws

    They need to change the dam football music….they played it leading into each commercial and it was driving me nuts.

  • Letibleu

    your leg looks weird in your avatar picture.

  • matthewpolly

    It’s not the end of the world. The UFC has seen worse days. They took a very risky gamble on a high stakes game and lost. They’ll come back. But it was not the best first impression.

  • frickshun

    Well said, Polly.

  • Monstrosity

    if they just aired Guida vs Bendo on TV. this all wouldn’t even matter.

  • Letibleu

    Could have been a to the death 5 round battle like Arlovski Sylvia III. The UFC banked on these two fighters NOT doing that and boy were they right. The speed and manner in which the fight ended made MMA kinda look amateurish to the curious/martial arts uneducated.

    For me I loved it cause I was the only one in my circle that calle dit for JDS and early in the fight which proves my point that fight predictions are retarded.

    I said I wouldnt go into it but since Matt is not letting up I will say that the biggest hickup will be if it was the UFC that made the decision to air only one fight. If it was Fox, nothing changes. If it was UFC management that decidedto only go with the title fight, they will lose a little power.

  • Blackula Jonez

    Goddamit, Leti beat me to every point I wanted to make.


    Never put your mma eggs in one basket. The perfect/sweet spot to get casuals interested will always be a first round finish and a competitive or highly entertaining decision imo.


    I may be a bit salty as I wanted Cain to win, but casuals need to be aware of one volatile fact of mma: anything can happen and no one is safe.

  • Symbul

    Yeah I hate it too when fights end quickly and violently.

    It wouldn’t have mattered a whit if they’d just put the Guida-Henderson fight on first (which to their credit, they did in Europe). That would’ve given the broadcast flow and instead of making it a non-event, the quick KO would’ve been an exciting note to end it on. There’s a reason why they pay those guys before the main event on normal cards, after all.

    Anyway it’s not a big deal and too much is being made of it. The real test and the actual UFC-on-FOX product are still to come.

  • agentsmith

    They aired it on the Canadian broadcast on Sportsnet, and we didn’t even see Brock or the Fox sports desk thing. Just John Anik introducing shit and then turning over to Joe and Goldie, and right into the fights. The way it should be.

  • CAP

    Yeah I wish the fight could have shown more to new fans but what it did show was that things can happen fast and end quickly. That’s something the new viewer found out the hard way. It only feels like a let down because there was no other action. Showing a solid co-main event would have fixed that. Sounds like it was FOX’s idea to only show one match. They should learn by that.

    There are also reports that Cain (sprained knee) and JDS (torn meniscus) were both dealing with knee issues. I wonder if that payed into the outcome at all.

  • matthewpolly

    It must have played into the outcome. I imagine that with a sprained knee Cain wanted to wait for the perfect set-up for a takedown rather than simply rushing in, as Dana complained about later, and hurting it further. And JDS said after the fight that he wanted to finish it early, because he was worried he knee wouldn’t hold out for five rounds.

    But credit to the warrior spirit of the fighters: JDS for not pulling out even though he couldn’t walk 11 days out. And to Cain for refusing to use his knee injury as an excuse. And it always a good day when the fighters make you proud to be a fan of the sport.

  • CAP

    JDS on crutches 11 days out sounds pretty crazy and Cain getting cortizone shots just to show up, props to them for making it happen.

    Got a feeling these two will cross paths again.

  • frickshun

    Polly–>what do you make of Dana’s explosive outburst @ the post-fight press conference when he wigged out on that 1 reporter before saying “I wasn’t directing that towards you.”

  • matthewpolly

    i didn’t see the post-fight press conference. The only thing I’d say is Dana has spent 10 years, often under-water, trying to make this sport mainstream. He has the scars. This was his big night and it was meh: okay but could have been much better. So I think he was understandably defensive.

  • Letibleu

    I just re watched the fight. Looking at cains face in the cage after the fight was over, he looks like a man that will never let that happen again. Cain version 2.0 is probably gonna be scary. Unless his chin… well, im not going there.

  • G Funk

    Amazing what can be interpreted by someones facial expression.

  • Letibleu

    He may have been constipated.

  • frickshun

    Polly, since you missed the vid THAT WAS POSTED ON THIS VERY SITE…..what about the post-fight venting of Dana questioning why Cain didn’t SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT.

  • CAP

    I think Cain had enough confidence in his stand up that he thought he could hang with JDS. Fighters can be overconfident in their skills and want to challenge themselves but it back fired on him here. Easy to say shoot shoot shoot in hindsight.

  • frickshun

    1st of all, Cain came out kicking & JDS was the tentative one. After a minute passed & JDS started feeling the timing/distance, he threw. Night over. But I don’t see how Cain could say he didn’t implement his gameplan. The fucking fight only lasted 1/25th of it’s alotted time!!