Observations From My Couch: UFC 166 – “Ultimate Brain Damage”
  • Was UFC 166 an awesome UFC or what? Too bad TJ Waldburger’s memory of it is completely blank from his walkout to about this coming Wednesday.
  • I feel cheated that KJ Noons fought without his grand bouffant.
Mandatory Credit: Mark D. Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Mandatory Credit: Mark D. Smith-USA TODAY Sports

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UFC 166: Velasquez vs. Dos Santos Highlights

In case you somehow missed it, here are some highlights from last night’s epic UFC 166 main event, which saw champ Cain Velasquez kick challenger Junior dos Santos’ ass from pillar to post.

UFC 166: Velasquez vs Dos Santos III Play-By-Play & Live Fight Results

October 19, 2013– The Octagon arrives in Houston, Texas for UFC 166: Velasquez vs. Dos Santos III, where Cain Velasquez and Junior Dos Santos will meet for a third time. In the first fight, Dos Santos landed a haymaker that brought a knockout just 64-seconds into the opening round. Velasquez dished him five rounds of relentless punishment in their rematch late last year.

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Dana White Talks About Fedor, Breaks Profanity Record

Once upon a time, there was this really badass Russian dude named Fedor Emelianenko, and he was the best heavyweight fighter ever because he’d beaten everyone in clear and convincing fashion. Well, not everyone. You see, Fedor never fought in the Octagon (PRIDE was his stomping grounds), so non-believers liked to harp on the fact that there was some hidden talent in the UFC who could have somehow pierced the invincible armor of the “Last Emperor”. ANYWAY, Dana White was one of those non-believers, and it seems he tried desperately to set up a bout between Fedor and Brock Lesnar back in the day. We know this because at yesterday’s pre-UFC 166 media scrum, White ranted a bit about it – and he broke his personality profanity record while doing it!

“Me and Lorenzo (Fertitta) were f–king laughing about that,” White said on Thursday. “Yeah so I hated him. Who did I hate worse than Tito (Ortiz)? The guy lost f–king 100 fights in a row and retired in the UFC.

“We made every big fight with every fighter since we bought this company. You don’t think we wanted to do Fedor vs. Brock Lesnar? I f–king wanted to make that fight so bad.”

If you’re keeping score, that’s three F-bombs in two paragraphs. But wait, there’s more!

“We had to build a f–cking stadium in Russia, and we had to do all this stupid s–t, stuff that no normal f–king human being would do. And now they lay in bed every night and regret not doing that deal.”

Three curse words in one sentence. That’s next-level stuff right there.

“I explained this to Fedor,” White said. “‘We’re catching a moment in time, right here, right now, where this fight between you and Brock Lesnar will be f–king massive. We’re talking Dallas, Texas Stadium. This huge fight between these two big heavyweight guys. We’re laying this massive f–king offer on the table.’ I said, ‘You’re one punch away from being worth f–king zero.’

“This is the f–king moment, the time. We all need to seize this moment and make this f–king happen.'”

Obviously not content with the amount of profanity he’d levied upon the gathered reporters, White added:

“It’s not even that I regret it,” White said. “Dude, when I tell you that we did everything – someday I’ll tell you the story of how much we offered that f–ker, too. People will f–king s–t. It made no sense. It’s one of those type of deals.”

And there you have it, Dana White’s new personal best. Rumor has it that there’s a curse jar in the Zuffa offices, with each infraction costing the speaker a buck and the proceeds going towards purchasing something nice for the staff. Thanks to White, the office was able to buy an actual slave.

And Now For Some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…

Remember back in the day when ninjas were all sorts of cool, and being a mutated turtle who was also a ninja was the height of cool? No? You weren’t born yet? Okay, well take my word for it, 1989 was a great year to walk upright, rock a shell and be named after a Renaissance artist. But times change… and apparently, so do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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