You know your testosterone levels are abnormally high when you piss in a test tube and the test tube promptly grows a moustache, smokes cigars and demands to know what kind of scotch you have. Such is the case with jiu-jitsu stud Robert Drysdale, who’s 6-0 as a pro and was set to make his Octagon debut at UFC 167 – that is, until the urine sample he submitted to the Nevada State Athletic Commission began watching old Lee Marvin movies and talking about “picking up some whores on the Strip.”
The Nevada State Athletic Commission has declined to medically clear the jiu-jitsu player turned MMA fighter to compete at next month’s UFC 167 event after an out-of-competition drug test revealed an elevated testosterone-to-epitestosterone (T/E) ratio.
Drysdale (6-0 MMA, 0-0 UFC), who was scheduled to meet light-heavyweight Cody Donovan (8-3 MMA, 1-1 UFC) in the Nov. 16 event’s first preliminary-card bout, was flagged with a 19.4-1 T/E ration, which is more than three times the NSAC’s 6-1 limit. He tested negative for a variety of steroids.
Aleksander Emelianenko is a colourful guy. It seems like just yesterday he was in a Grecian monastery, baking artisanal bread loaves and carving intricate headboards for Restoration Hardware. And while a life of seclusion and hard labor may seem like a better option than telling your rock bottom story in an Alcoholics Anonymous group meeting, it’s looking like the sobriety didn’t exactly take. A month after his last fight, Emelianenko was accused of raping two girls at his apartment. But no worries, in actuality it was a couple of prostitutes attempting hustle some extra salary, and who hasn’t had that happen after a rowdy birthday?
Things were starting to look up for Emelianenko this summer: he racked up a couple of wins, that old Hep C scandal looked to be finally laid to rest (has Sergei Kharitonov cut off one of his fingers yet?) and he has an upcoming fight against Mirko CroCop next month. But this week, Aleks is being investigated this week for drunkenly assaulting a 63 year old army veteran:
The man, an army veteran, was celebrating his birthday was some friends. He alleges that Emelianenko took issue with the amount of noise coming from the table and immediately sprang into attack. Emelianenko, via a spokesperson, denies the accusation and says that it was the man and his sons who started the violence following the initial interaction.
Video of Emelianenko being taken into custody has surfaced and he looks like he’s… alive. And living in a… cheerful and cozy place:
There was no assault, there was just a conflict that ended in a fight.
That’s the Russianest/lawyeriest quote I think I’ve ever seen. But there comes a point when crazy drunken stories – like losing your two front teeth fighting a bull on a French gameshow – start going from hilarious legend to sad and worrisome. Get well, Grim Reaper! Training camp injuries > criminal assault injuries.