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Conor McGregor

If you see Conor McGregor limping out of an office supply store in the near future with a white board under his arm, and a handful of dry erase markers in his hand, don’t be surprised. He’s just getting ready to spend his unscheduled vacation making a UFC hit list.

McGregor (14-2) recently found out that what he felt pop in his knee during his UFC Fight Night 26 bout against Max Holloway was his anterior cruciate ligament tearing.  In addition to the ACL tear, McGregor suffered a strain to his medial collateral ligament and a tear to his meniscus. Bottom line, the outspoken fighter is expected to be out of action for 10 months.

That gives McGregor plenty of time to get on the twitter machine and offer his hot takes on fighters inside and outside of his weight division:

Initial reports on UFC Tonight indicated that the knee injury was only a minor sprain of McGregor’s lateral collateral ligament. An MRI indicated things were much, much worse for McGregor.

McGregor is taking the injury in stride:

 

Matchmaking Musical Chairs

Okay so follow me here if you can. Vitor Belfort doesn’t want to fight at middleweight any more, but he will fight Chael Sonnen. Chael Sonnen wants to fight Wanderlei Silva. Lyoto Machida wants to fight Chael Sonnen. But nobody wants to fight Lyoto Machida. Except Tim Kennedy, who Lyoto Machida doesn’t want to fight.

“Tim Kennedy is a tough guy, but I wanted to fight [Vitor] Belfort of Chael Sonnen next.  But sometimes you can’t choose.  The UFC asked me to take this fight, and I’m in.

“Fighting Belfort in Brazil would be a good option for me.  He has his fans, I have mine, and it would be a great fight.  But they decided not to do it.  And Sonnen always has something to say, and he wanted to fight at light heavyweight, so maybe that would be a good opportunity to fight him too.  He said he wanted to fight me in a parking lot, so I tried to make that fight, but the UFC chose Kennedy.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll fight [Sonnen] in the near future.”

Welcome to the new world of fighters trying to influence their matchmaking. Dana White once said he likes it when guys call people out, but the clusterfuck above you just read above probably isn’t what he had in mind. I’ve seen women bicker less over carpet samples.

Ben Askren to Take His Human Blanket Act on the Road

Bellator welterweight king and professional man-hugger Ben Askren may find himself with a new boss soon, as current boss Bjorn Rebney has gone on record saying that when Askren’s contract soon expires, the number two MMA organization in the world doesn’t want him. Said Rebney to ESPN:

“If Ben’s going to the UFC, we should speed up that process so he can go fight. I’d love to see Ben versus GSP.”

Of course, we heard all this before when Eddie Alvarez was on the cusp of testing free agency and everyone was playing UFC matchmaker in their heads wondering how the star lightweight would stack up against Benson Henderson, Clay Guida, Anthony Pettis and the like. In that instance, Rebney’s words meant nothing, and Alvarez was soon given the prison rape-treatment in the courts (with Bellator’s attorneys playing the role of “Bubba the cellmate” and his rolled up contract playing the role of the toothbrush – what, you never watched “Oz”?). Yet this somehow rings truer. After all, Askren may be at the top of the 170-pound heap in Bellator, but with his smothering, “I’m going to lay on top of you until you love me”-style, the dude is not the most exciting fighter out there. Why would Bellator want to keep someone like that around?

Here are some facts you might not have known about Askren, courtesy of Wikipedia, crap saved on my DVR, and a mind addled by 20 years of watching MMA:

  • Askren debuted in Bellator in 2010 and won via controversial technical submission (i.e., the ref thought there was a sub there). He didn’t finish another opponent for nearly three years. Three years!
  • He didn’t throw a punch until his fifth fight in Bellator, and that was only when he was shadowboxing during his warm-up.
  • At Bellator 64, Askren successfully defended his belt by laying on Douglas Lima for five full rounds. Nine months later, Lima gave birth to a son. They named him Pedro.
  • He’s boring.
  • He’s boring.
  • Good God is he boring.
Lyoto Machida to Switch to Lower Calorie Urine, Cut to 185

Former light-heavyweight champ Lyoto Machida, known for his formidable karate-based style and his penchant for drinking urine, will be making the cut down to middleweight to face former Strikeforce fighter and living GI Joe action figure Tim Kennedy. The match-up will occur at UFC Fight for the Troops 3 on November 6 at Fort Campbell, K.Y.

The trip down a weight class comes on the heels of a controversial decision loss to Phil Davis at UFC 163 – a loss many attribute to the declining effectiveness of Machida’s elusive style, and also the fact that he drinks pee, which is gross. But regardless of his recent struggles, the move to 185 pounds may give “The Dragon” the boost he needs to get back in the title hunt; he was never a large light-heavyweight, but at middleweight he would likely sport a significant size advantage over his peers. And also, none of them would be used to his stanky pee breath.

“The weight cut won’t be an issue,” said Machida in stilted English to no one. “I will just drink urine with less calories. Diet pee, if you will.”

Boston Bans Kids From Attending UFCs on Their Own – How Rich are the Kids in Boston?

In a move reminiscent of when they dumped a buttload of tea into their harbor to protest their taxes, the city of Boston has issued a ban on kids 16-years old and younger from attending MMA events unless they’re accompanied by an adult. The reasons cited include the violence of the sport, the fighters joking about rape, blah, blah, blah. What’s really interesting about this ban imposed by the City Council’s Commission is the big question that arises out of the move: How rich are the damn kids in Boston that they can afford to go to an MMA event by themselves? At a minimum, tickets for the worst seats in the house at a crappy UFC – where the main event is something along the lines of Diego Sanchez fighting an empty pinata and the undercard degenerates from there – will set you back at least a hundy, and if you want to be able to see the Octagon without binoculars, you’re shelling out a few hundred more. Can kids in Boston afford this? Seriously? Where do they get their money? Are they all drug dealers?

Here are some things I could afford to buy when I was 16, and keep in mind that I worked part-time washing dishes in a restaurant:

  • Maybe a Commodore 64 that I could plug into my TV (forget getting a monitor).
  • Some fresh Keds.
  • One third of an Adidas tracksuit.
  • The latest Public Enemy cassette tape (“Fear of a Black Planet”), and a large plastic clock to hang around my neck.
  • A baggie of oregano in Washington Square Park, which I was assured was weed, but you know how that goes.

So, Boston kids. They be rich or something.

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