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The puss u are: Dana White and Tito Ortiz reminisce on Twitter

With three UFC events between this Wednesday and last, you’d think Dana White would have little time this week for anything but work. But that’s his secret—he takes a few minutes each day to relax with his hobbies. For example, antagonizing Tito Ortiz on Twitter:

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UFC’s Accusations of Pussitude Succeed, Jose Aldo Willing to Fight Anthony Pettis at 155

UFC President Dana White recently accused Featherweight Champion Jose Aldo’s manager Andre Pedeirneras of making the fighter look like a pussy. I don’t normally get behind these types of accusations, but Pedeirneras demanded that Lightweight Champion Anthony Pettis vacate his title and move down to 145 pounds to fight Aldo in order for Pedeirneras to apologize for accusing Pettis of faking an injury. Allegedly, this injury was faked by Pettis to avoid fighting Aldo when the matchup was first arranged. This accusation by Pedeirneras is on par with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell accusing players of lying after they end up on the Injured Reserve list, then demanding that they cut weight before next season so that they can switch from playing linebacker to safety.

Therefore, in this situation, it’s actually hard to find fault with Dana’s perspective that the comments of Aldo’s manager make the fighter look bad. And, in a development that should surprise no one, the purse strings now seem to have been tugged in favor of a matchup more favorable to Pettis. The “these pussies need to stop whining and fight” argument has won out, and Aldo is now willing to fight Pettis at 155 pounds:

“Between fighting Pettis at 155 or fighting him at 145, something that’s he’s not used to do, of course I’d rather fight him at 145,” Pederneiras said. “If we don’t need to vacate our featherweight title to fight for the lightweight belt, we accept the fight. Aldo will be Pettis’ next challenger for the lightweight title if that’s what the UFC wants.”

“I believe now we will see Pettis returning his lightweight belt and moving down to fight Aldo at 145 (pounds),” Pederneiras tweeted in Portuguese. “We’re waiting for Dana’s call to set the fight for the featherweight title, and (waiting for) Pettis to return his lightweight belt.”

“The only thing I want is equal rights,” he wrote. “We were not the ones who left the fight in Rio, and I want to see (Pettis) make 145. This fight will happen, don’t worry. We just want equal rights to the Brazilians.”

The idiocy of Pedeirneiras’ constant talk about fighters voluntarily returning belts makes my eyes glaze over and my mind explode with wonderment about how such a nincompoop can be given a job as a prominent manager of MMA fighters. At no point has the UFC ever suggested that a champion vacate his title in order to switch weight classes; in fact, a single fighter unifying two UFC titles would be a strong promotional storyline that could alleviate some of the PPV buyrate doldrums that have plagued some of Aldo’s recent fights.

Through all of this, Pedeirneras has done nothing but engage in crazy talk and weaken his own client’s bargaining position with the UFC, so it might behoove him to quiet down a bit after being unanimously downvoted on this issue. After all, he’s certainly no Ed Soares or Cesar Gracie as a manager, and he doesn’t even provide the amusing antics of a Tito Ortiz.

Dick is a Fightlinker staff writer who has been with the site since 2011. He and his lovers write about all the amazing sex they have in New York City on Sex Tales of New York (NSFW: titties).

Sean Sherk Retires, Crickets Deafen All Within Earshot

USA Today doesn’t even have a picture of Sean Sherk, so here is a picture of some ring girls.

Ending almost 3 years of white-knuckle suspense among… no one, former UFC Lightweight Champion Sean Sherk announced his retirement this week. Persistent injury struggles and the progressive improvement of other lightweight fighters left Sherk in a situation where another chance to go out on a positive note, which he did against Evan Dunham in 2010, would not come easily. Thus, he decided to put himself out to pasture in real estate investment land and let virgins feed him grapes.

There was really nothing distinctive or especially memorable about Sherk’s actual fighting, so Sherk’s real legacy in my mind is the ambivalence he made me feel about steroid cheating in sports. On the one hand, his musculature looked unnatural, and it seemed unfair that he had a different physique than some of his opponents. On the other hand, how could he have ever competed naturally on such a small frame in an age when the UFC’s lightest weight class was 170 pounds (after the lightweight division went on its mid-2000s hiatus)? Further, when he was stripped of his title for doping, his opponent had done the exact same thing. I think the Association of Boxing Commissions should pass a new regulation stating that if both fighters take steroids, there is no change in the decision. The two cheaters already had their jailhouse brawl… just let the winner stand! They could call it “The Anti-Clown Rule” in honor of Hermes Franca, the child molester with purple hair who took steroids right along with Sherk before their title fight.

It is kind of sad when a former UFC champion retires and pretty much no one gives a crap, but maybe if he wanted it to be really sad, Sherk could make us miss him by going on some alcohol-fueled rants like Don Frye or screwing over small-time promoters like Ken Shamrock. Then he would stay relevant enough so that we would have no choice but to care.

Ronda Rousey Know She Cray Cray on TUF 18

Maybe this is just another master stroke of publicity to increase ratings, but it’s easy to figure that things must have gone badly for Coach Ronda Rousey during the filming of The Ultimate Fighter (TUF) season 18 when she pretty much admits that she’s bound to come off looking completely cray cray on TV. According to USA today (via MMAMania), people who see the show on TV are bound to think that Rousey has a “Mike Kyle-Tony Lopez doodoo soul”:

I think it was very good for the women’s division, and I think it definitely needed to happen, but you couldn’t pay me $10 million to do it again. How could people possibly know who you are from a couple of clips of a video that people are seeing out of context? That’s no way for people to get to know you, so I’m just preparing for people to get the worst idea of who I am.

The assumption that the clips will be taken out of context is analogous to Aaron Hernandez now saying the evidence will be rigged against him. If Rousey’s guy-repellent personality is indeed exposed through the show, the evidence is unlikely to be fabricated from whole cloth. It’s hard to take it seriously when Dana White calls her antics on the show “pure fucking mayhem,” because he also said that the season featuring Antonio “Frankenstein” Nogueira was less funereal and more like Weekend at Bernie’s than it actually was. But when Rousey admits that millions of people are likely to see her as cunting it up (as Joe Rogan puts it), she’s also admitting that they’re likely to have a reason for it.

However, I don’t think this will damage women’s MMA at all. Trash-talking stars don’t make less money than others, if they can hold the other aspects of their careers together well enough without getting distracted by the flapping of their own jaws. And the chances of Rousey going off the deep end completely seem low. Thus, I feel comfortable encouraging everyone to sit back, relax, and enjoy how shitty women can be to each other when it debuts tomorrow.

Cormier will ask Texas commission to do Nelson’s hair

Daniel Cormier has plans for Roy Nelson’s hair and beard, telling the audience at a UFC Fight Club Q&A in Milwaukee Friday that he would speak to the Texas Board of Licensing and Regulation about keeping it out of his face.

“The thing about the beard is it doesn’t seem to be well-kept, so I’m going to request that there’s a rubber band in it and that it comes straight down,” Cormier said. “Also, I’m going to ask that they put his hair in two plaits off to the side—part it down the middle, plait it on the sides.”

For those of you who didn’t wrestle, to plait is to braid and then smooth lovingly with the hands. The style Cormier describes will not only render Nelson’s hair less of a nuisance during grappling but also give him the appearance of a simple country girl, untutored in the ways of love. Any lingering tension will by dispelled by the rubber band on his beard, which will give him the appearance of Captain Lou Albano.

It’s a solid game plan, but to implement it Cormier will have to file an official request with the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation. According to commission rules, each contestant in an MMA bout “must be clean and present a tidy appearance.”

Exactly what constitutes “tidy” will be a matter of opinion for the commission, which is presumably composed of men in white cowboy hats who address everyone under age 50 as “boy.” The last UFC event held in Texas was UFC 136. Featuring Brian Stann, Stipe Miocic and Anthony Pettis, it may have been the most well-groomed card in history.

Whether Cormier’s planned request stems from real concerns about Nelson’s grooming or is merely a plan to get into his opponent’s enormous, mossy head remains to be seen. As of press time, there is no concrete evidence linking Cormier to this salon.

Dan Brooks writes about politics, culture and lying at Combat! blog.

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