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Despite the fact that pro wrestling sucks balls, they nevertheless manage to crap out a little chocolate darling every 9 months or so in what I can only describe as the most played out and shitty franchise in game history (right beside Tony fucking Hawk). Zuffa, on the other hand, has decided that gamers need to wait until 2009 to get a fix of MMA on a next gen console. WTF???

Taking two years to develop a product better make this the most epic fighting game in history. Knowing what general retards they can be, I decided that as the only experienced gamer here at Fightlinker (last game Ryan mastered was Mario Bros 3), I’d act as consultant. So here are my design proposals to ensure that the new UFC game will be fucking awesome:

    • Record hours and hours of shit talk from fighters, and play them randomly before each fight.
    • Tim Sylvia’s power move: Pants Shit!
    • Fighter Customizing options that allows you to finally remove god awful tattoos from those poor misguided fools.
    • Secret option that allows you to unlock Joe Rogan and Dana White as ‘fighters’.
    • Dance Dance Revolution after your win when playing Anderson Silva, Din Thomas, and Rashad Evans.
    • Story Mode- allow players to experience the true tragedy of the life of a fighter. Learn how exciting it can be to fall under the spell of alcohol addiction, go through a infuriating steroids trial, and more!
    • Manager mode: Play as Dana White! Underpay fighters and punish boring fighters by not giving them title shots. Also, put any division titles on hold indefinitely by quickly tapping on the “TUF” button.

      Ok, so these ideas are terrible. But are they any worse than having to wait two full years before a decent game shows up?

       
      See, I can pump out a way better poster in ten minutes!

      Every time I see a ‘real’ company put out advertising that looks like it was made by a twelve year old on CorelDraw, it makes me shake my head. Terrible layout, generic fonts, pixelation (the cardinal sin) … the list goes on and on. Come on now, Cuban. Fire your fucking cousin and get a real graphic designer to do your promotional items.

      Haha, goddamn I love fucking with you guys. You’d think I called your sister a whore the way you reacted to my post on why UFC 78 sucks. She is a whore though. Seriously. 40 dollars for vanilla and 80 for chocolate. You don’t want to know what she’ll do with another girl and a cup for 200 bucks.

      Yes, UFC 78 sucks because it marks the continued decline in the quality of UFC main events. It sucks because the UFC is trying to act like there’s nothing wrong with Bisping/Evans as a main event. For fuck’s sake … don’t drink the kool-aid and ignore the show’s flaws!

      On the other hand, I do agree with most of you that the undercard is stacked with some awesome looking fights. Fisher vs Edgar features two of the gamest motherfuckers in the UFC squaring off. As I mentioned before, Karo vs Chonan should also be an all out war. Sure it’ll most likely go the distance, but it’ll probably be the kind of fight that you wish could go into overtime.

      You can’t really go wrong with Thiago Silva vs Houston Alexander … well, you can if you’re the UFC because they really haven’t marketed this fight the way they should have. No one’s really aware of Thiago Silva’s rep … his last six fights have ended by knockout.

      Fuck … past that, there are a lot of other interesting fights. I’m interested in seeing how Gono and Aurelio do, and I’m eager to hear about how badly Chris ‘Ten Chances’ Lytle does against Thiago Alves.

      So let me just clarify for you guys : yeah, I’m excited for this show. And yeah, I recognize that it’s going to be great. But a PPV without a main event is like sex without coming. Now I know how my girlfriend feels.

      Okay, we’ve gotta make some clarifications on our stance for UFC 78. Yes, we’ve been whipping this bitch for weeks now since they announced Evans/Bisping as the main event. Have we gone overboard with our criticism of the event? Sure. But hey, this is Fightlinker, not Dana-Whites-Magical-Fanboy-Site.com.

      The reason we hate on UFC 78 is because it continues a disturbing trend that was established back at UFC 67 when Travis Lutter didn’t make weight. When asked why he was so pissed about Lutter’s weight, Dana said “This is a fucking pay per view and now it doesn’t have a title shot. That fucking sucks.” Yes Dana, it does suck.

      But once the seal was broken, non-title UFCs have slowly become accepted. UFC 70 got a pass because it was shown for free on Spike. But then we had UFC 72 on PPV, with the dog of a main event being Rich Franklin vs Yushin Okami for #1 contender. But hey, at least the fight MEANT something, right? Right???

      Not so for UFC 76 : Knockout. Main event on that card … Keith Jardine vs Chuck Liddell. No belt. No contendership. Just the promise of a slugfest. But hey, at least we got to see Chuck Liddell, right? Right???

      Now we’re at UFC 78. Main event: Rashad Evans vs Michael Bisping. Jesus ballsack Christ, people! I ‘understand’ that this wasn’t the UFC’s plan a, plan b, plan c or even plan d. But come on, now. There comes a point where you have to say “You can’t continue to feed me crap and call it caviar.” While the UFC couldn’t come out and say “Yeah we know, the main event is kinda weak”, they could have at least dropped the PPV price or something.

      Simple matter of fact is that if the UFC can get away with these tepid main events, they’ll do it. Rather than busting a nut and doing what they have to in order to fix their card, they’ll take a poo on a plate and serve it up with a smile. And that’s something everyone should be against on principle, no matter how many great sleeper matches are on the card as well.

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