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The guys from MMA Opinion wrote a (nice) open letter to MMA Podcasters in general. He didn’t include Fightlinker’s totally fucking awesome podcast in his post so I’m just gonna assume we are so totally sweet he didn’t feel we needed to change a goddamn thing. Although I would gladly trade Jake in for a six pack and some pretzels.

However, the MMA Opinion guys spent a bit too much time not stepping on anyone’s toes. Just like Gina sometimes needs a Master Toddy, so too does Sherdog Radio need a Fightlinker to tell them where they’re faltering. So here’s my (not so nice) addition to those other guy’s article:

-Kill all terrible hosts. Just take them out back and shoot them in the head or something. MMA Sunday school comes to mind. And while I’ve heard Josh Gross is entertaining in real life, something about radio broadcasting must rub him the wrong way. His enthusiasm during shows is on par with someone who’s being forced to lick Tim Boetch’s choda.

-Electroshocks whenever football or basketball is mentioned. Actually, you can just wrap all other sports up in there too. I know opening chitchat isn’t supposed to be about MMA, but for one fucking week can you all shut the fuck up about all those other lame sports. No one cares about local team x versus foreign team y. Double-shocks go to anyone making a football analogy regarding an MMA fight (ie Rich Franklin is the Joe Montana of DEAR GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP).

-Mix up the commercials. Gosh darn it, if I have to hear the same fucking commercials on these shows again, I’m going to lose it. I’m going to give a pass to the smaller podcasts which are stuck with what they’ve got, but Sherdog gets no quarter from me. It’s not fucking hard to mix shit up and make like … uuuh, I dunno. Two or three new commercials a month or something so listeners aren’t stabbing their ears with scissors over those fucking “Billy” commercials. Please?

-No more callers. The average person listening to Sherdog is a grade a fucking moron, and letting them on the air to shoot the shit with the hosts is the worst idea ever. First off, the wait time is waaaaay too long, which means only the people with NO LIFE WHATSOEVER stick around and get through. Secondly, I don’t think TJ screens callers anymore, or if he does, he’s too nice about it. Lastly, people calling in need to be told “10 seconds of gab and then right to the fucking point”. Nothing’s worse than hearing some mouth breather trying to bond as soulmates with Jordan Breen. It’s just painful to hear.

It’s official: Jon Koppenhaver has gotten out of an assault charge without jailtime, instead getting 3 years probation and 30 hours community service. Jon had been involved in an altercation where a bunch of his boys beat the shit out of some guy. Lucky for him, he ‘only held the guy’ and didn’t ‘wail on him’. Also lucky for him is that the victim was a cool ass cat who basically asked the judge to give Koppenhaver a break:

Zatkow publicly stated during the trial that he didn’t want to see Koppenhaver’s career ruined by the charges. He asked for restitution in the form of $2,300, which Koppenhaver has already reportedly paid.

Judge Frank Brown said that Koppenhaver’s situation was not that he would normally feel compassionate about, but also noted that he wanted to give him a second chance.

“No good comes of calling you a felon,” Brown said. “However this also means that I want you to stay out of trouble and lead a good life. You should be thankful towards Mr. Zatkow, he was very compassionate of you.”

Having had a bunch of knuckledragger high school friends end up in juvi for watching a friend beat someone up, I can attest to the fact that Jon was fucking lucky the victim spoke out for him and asked for leniency. Otherwise there’s a pretty good chance Koppenhaver would have ended up in a pound me in the ass prison.

Luke Thomas has taken time from teaching everyone how to make killer chicken wings to sound a warning bell over Yahoo and the UFC’s partnership. I had thought about this angle for a while and then dropped it as being unimportant. After all, can Yahoo get ‘more friendly’ with the UFC than they already are?

Dave Meltzer is gonna be Dave Meltzer no matter who’s paying him. Good or bad, what doesn’t end up on Yahoo will end up in his stupid pro wrestling newsletter. And Kevin Iole is already Dana’s buttboy to such a degree that we depicted him as Dana’s slave in our last comic. So really, how can Yahoo and the UFC teaming up make things any worse? Yahoo is for general fans who want general news. It was never going to be a place for whistleblower news regarding scandals or pay issues or anything else. So crying over the loss of Yahoo as an objective MMA news source is like crying over Burger King closing because of it’s effect on fine dining.

It was several years ago that Master Toddy spoke the famous words that changed Gina Carano from a chubby chick into MMA’s official sex symbol. When I first read about it, I was like “Man, I can’t imagine a fat Gina Carano!” Well, now I don’t have to, because she was on Inside MMA looking pretty chunk.

I’d just like to point out right now that Fightlinker is equal opportunity: we diss male fighters getting fat just as much as female fighters. In fact, I think this is the first time we’ve ever made a post about a female fighter’s weight. But shit! Back when Gina looked like a fox, she still couldn’t hit 140 after cutting. So how much do you figure she weighs now? If there was a talking scale under her chair at Inside MMA, it would say “Argh, get off me! You’re killing me!”

Strikeforce at the Dome
Why you should care: Here’s an event you’ll actually be able to watch if you want to – it’s on HDNet. Past Bob Sapp, Maurice Smith and Rick Roufus there’s not too many big names but the card is stacked with talented lesser known fighters. These guys have a great knack for landing future stars. There’s another fighter I first saw on a Strikeforce card … who the hell was he? Oh yeah: Clay Guida.

MFC15 : Rags to Riches
Why you should care: MFC fights are the shit, plus it’s got Pete Spratt! If we don’t support Pete, he might go back to making more terrible action films. Again, HDNet’s got yo’ back. They’ll be showing this card live as well on Friday night.

DEEP 34th Impact
Why you should care: 8 man three round middleweight tournament including Ryuta Sakurai and Riki Fukuda! Plus a female flyweight tournament. I’m usually not a big fan of the smaller Japanese MMA shows but I never pass up on tournaments.

Shooto and ZST are also holding shows in Japan, so if you happen to be a millionaire who wants to spend a weekend in Tokyo watching fights, this is a good time to do it. And if you need a drinking buddy to down sake and ogle hot foreign bitches, I’m down for that too. I’m so very, very down.

Last but not least, the Kim Couture smoker fight is going down this weekend as well, although HDNet will only be showing that next week after the (barf) IFL season premiere. Still, I hope that Sunday morning brings news that her opponent turned out to be Dana White in a blonde wig, and he put Kim in the goddamn hospital.

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