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Trouble has sneaked up like a ninja in the darkness for Strikeforce as they prepare for the first regulated MMA tournament in California. Word is that fighter Yuki Sasaki has not yet been cleared by the CSAC, and to make matters worse neither has the tournament’s backup fighter Jeremiah Metcalf.

No word on who’s dog was being fucked at the time this big whoopsie occurred … I mean seriously, let’s think about this for a second: the backup Strikeforce got in case one of their fighters didn’t clear sanctioning … MIGHT NOT GET SANCTIONED!

It wouldn’t surprise me if Metcalf can’t get cleared because of a severe case of ‘suck-itis’ … his record is a paltry 5-3 compared to the rest of the main tournament fighters who have 20+ fight records. For all the Salmon-Heads out there hoping their Frankenberry’s gonna save the day, don’t get too excited yet. The whole affair is pretty messy and there’s no word on how the CSAC will react to all this last second switcheroo madness going on with the card.

Oh, and if Metcalf does get cleared, I bet you anything the guy who gets him in the first round wins the tournament. Nothing like the path of least resistance to a tourney win!

If you’re worried that I’ve sold my soul to Bodog and am whoring out their gambling shit, then don’t worry: it’ll take at least a few more weeks for my affiliate paperwork to go through. For now, this isn’t ‘whoring’ since whoring denotes getting paid. So am I slutting it up? I’m so new to this. It’s so exciting.

Anyways, the point of this post is to tell you guys how tilted the Bodog odds are on some of the UFC78 fights:

Joe Lauzon -450
Jason Reinhardt +300

Karo Parisyan -450
Ryo Chonan +300

Rashad Evans -325
Michael Bisping +250

Now I don’t know the math on this shit so I have no idea how much you’ll make by doing whatever. The general rule on betting is the guy with the – is the favorite and the bigger the difference between the two numbers, the more money you make betting on the underdog. I think that’s how it works. As you can tell, I’m not exactly that Perfumedy guy. With that disclaimer, let’s take a look at some long shot betting!

Joe Lauzon -450
Jason Reinhardt +300

This is a case of yin and yang, or karmic comeuppance. Joe Lauzon got a sweet karmic break against Jens Pulver last year, so the stars demand that Joe must now lose in embarrassing fashion himself to an underdog. Unless of course Joe sold his soul to Satan for that win over Jens. In which case Joe will probably win. Because if he’s smart he’d sell his soul to be a great fighter, not so he could win one fight.

Karo Parisyan -450
Ryo Chonan +300

I love Karo Parisyan, but he’s only ended fights twice since 2001. In other words, he can’t put out a match … dude couldn’t find a sub at Quiznos. Chonan on the other hand has lotsa knockouts on his resume and some retardedly sick submissions. He is the father of the mythical ‘Flying Heel Hook’. Plus he looks like an Asian fucking gangsta. All in all, this here’s your best chance at making some sweet cash … Chonan winning would only be considered an upset by ignorant TUF fans.

Rashad Evans -325
Michael Bisping +250

People keep forgetting the fact that Rashad Evans fucking sucks. Sure, Michael Bisping isn’t exactly stellar either, but he’s a lot better than Rashad. This fight could go either way depending on how dumb or smart Bisping is with his game plan, but I have no idea what the odds guy is smoking putting odds like this out. I wouldn’t bet my kid on it (I already lost him on Tito-Shamrock 3), but I wouldn’t feel too uncomfortable putting a few bucks on Bisping.

A significant portion of our readers are also fans of “The Low Blow”, our flagship radio show. And if you are a fan, you may have heard that this weekend, we’ll be doing a live show on Saturday, via streaming. Considering both of us are borderline retarded when it comes to technology, this thing will either be the most awesome show in the history of MMA, or it’ll tap out faster than Bo Cantrell (too soon?). Either way, every single reader absolutely needs to tune in and listen, since we’ll be doing the show right after UFC 78!

So, since we’re busy setting up everything to be hunky dory, we want everyone who listens to the show to start hyping it up. That’s right: your solemn duty is to lie, exaggerate, and do everything possible to get everyone to listen in. Tell your girlfriend that Oprah will be on, or your non MMA friends that hot, sexy naked women will be fucking on the show, live. Hey, it worked for Howard Stern, no?

So now you know what to do. What the fuck are you sitting there just reading this then? Get to it Jackals!

I know we said we’d take a break on the 2 girls 1 cup thing … but Joe Rogan is related to MMA. So here’s the deal: no more 2 girls 1 cup videos unless it involves major league MMA peeps. Okay? Okay.

Haha, fucking wicked:

UFC returns to New Jersey — a place the promotion hasn’t been for over two years — this Saturday for UFC 78. It’s fitting that the event is being held in Newark, just off I-95, because it could easily be called “UFC 78: E-ZPass.”

UFC 78 features no title fights, no grudge matches, and no transcendental marquee names. Instead MMA fans are presented with what amounts to a night of undercard fights and will have to wait six more weeks for UFC 79 — a monster event that does have fans buzzing.

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