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After mountains of emails chastising us for skipping a week, we’re back to our nearly regular schedule. Typically the Low Blow is recorded on Monday nights and released in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. Hardcore editing slims the show down from 4-5 hours of hate-speech to a more manageable and slightly less offensive 45 minutes to an hour (up to 90 minutes when we’re feeling that sweet ‘bitches in a beauty salon’ vibe).

But we decided to deliver a day early this week to allay people’s fears that Ryan had died. Much like Castro holding a recent newspaper and discussing current political events on video, we hope this will assure people that he is very much alive and la Revolución lives on!

This week’s show was all UFC81 and how horribly wrong we were with our picks. We break down the entire televised event fight by fight, ponder why the Octagon seems to be Japanese kryptonite, and wonder if Alan Belcher needed a doctor’s note to duck Almeida. Always controversial, rarely factual …

DOWNLOAD THE SHIT HERE.

Or use the flash player to your right for instant pleasures. Yes, we know that our iTunes is fucked, but we’re going to try and figure it out sometime today so there’ll be a post once we’ve fixed that. Till then, hold tight, iPeople.

Alright, i got some good news and some bad news. The good news is we are both alive, and somewhat in good shape. After all the health craziness, we just had to take a moment to gather ourselves and take a bit of a breather. So, starting Monday morning, we’ll be getting back in the full swing of things.

The bad news is that we won’t be live blogging UFC 81, or doing a live radio show. And to avoid anyone leaking out any information regarding the event, don’t count on either of us trolling the forums until Sunday. Luckily, it turns out that most of our loyal Jackals are actually funny bastards, so don’t hesitate to check out the forums. See you all Monday!

I just watched the Countdown to UFC81 show, and I gotta say it wasn’t too bad. It looks like they’ve addressed a lot of the criticisms I leveled against them for getting it’s ass kicked by Hatton/Mayweather 24/7. I still don’t get why their countdown show plays ONCE a few days before the event rather than 20 times over the weeks leading up to the show. But the UFC has cribbed a lot of the stylistic details that made the HBO 24/7 shows more compelling:

  • a narrator that doesn’t sound like he’s about to do a backflip off a motorcycle while gargling mountain dew.
  • an orchestral score rather than retarded nu-metal
  • a new director’s style that looks more documentary than MTV Cribs

Of course, Dana White and Joe Rogan are still spitting out the same hammy sound bytes as always … “This guy could really be the next big thing”, “It all depends on which Mir shows up”, blah blah blah blah blah. But hey, you can’t fix everything overnight and I declare this a step in the right direction.

What better way to start the day then to see possibly the most horrific leg breaking incident on record in mixed martial arts? We thought we’d already delivered the most brutal footage ever of someone’s shin disintegrating, but we thought wrong.

(above: the Pancrase girls. The one on the left is a bit rough but the skirts and touching makes up for it. I would wreck the one on the right. She would need to use a wheelchair for the remainder of her existence.)

Hey, we’re back with our daily updates. Did you miss this shit? Yeah, I bet you just miss the pictures of the girls.

UFC83 UK canceled
That event that the UFC never announced which wasn’t ever really happening? Well, it’s been canceled. Well, actually it hasn’t been canceled because it was never happening. It was all a figment of our imaginations. Now I might just be railing on the UFC because I hold them to a higher standard than other people do, but … uh. What’s with that logistical hiccup that caused this whole commotion in the first place?

K1 2008 Schedule revealed
Yeah last year’s Grand Prix finals were pretty shitty, but I got big hopes for K1 in 2008. Mainly because I now have the time to follow and cover the sport. Plus I’m still in awe of Andy Hug and he has filled me with the meaty spirit of K1 awesomeness.

Ice Cube does something regarding MMA
I don’t even know what the fuck is going on here. It’s like someone scratched out a bunch of words in a real MMA-related article and then gave it to some teenagers as one of those Ad-Lib games. Add in “Ice Cube”, “Internet” and “Bomb Diggedy”. You’ve got yourself a story!

James Irving gets a delay of execution
That fight that was gonna happen on that event that was never happening was moved (well, how can it be moved if the event never existed???) to UFC Fight Night 13 at the beginning of April. That’s the Irving vs a very pissed off Houston Alexander fight. Let’s just say I don’t expect Irving to win.

France surrenders to MMA
Hehe, I got nothing else except that title. Props to France for not being fascist. Well, MMA is no longer banned, anyways. You still can’t wear crosses, burqas, face scarves or skull caps. But you can now beat the shit out of eachother in a cage. I’m glad they’ve got their priorities straight!

Frank Mir with his family
Watching this video almost makes me feel bad that Frank is gonna get stomped by Brock Lesnar. My favorite part is when Mir’s wife can’t remember why she didn’t break up with him over his violent lifestyle. Also near the end when Mir looks like he’s ready to go and beat his kids for not shutting up.

Josh Barnett fights again (for pro wrestling)
The UFC can out-wait Fedor. M1 will collapse soon enough and the UFC will be able to pick up Fedor and have him in the UFC eventually. But not Josh Barnett, because Josh is perfectly fine wheedling away the best years of his career fighting retarded catch wrestling bouts and fake pro wrestling fights. I don’t know whether to give props or to cry.

The gambling community believes in Dustin Hazelett
The betting line for Koscheck / Hazelett is -500 / +350. I’ve never seen a bookie give anyone such horrible odds. The only way to make this more embarrassing for Hazelett is if they also posted naked pictures of him with a tiny cock next to these odds. And then a picture of like 3 girthy german dudes fucking his wife. Because with odds like that, you’re no longer even a man, really.

Alan Belcher out at UFC81
This makes me cry. I’ve been an Alan Belcher fan since I found out we share a common love for Hannah Montana.

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