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No, I am not joking:

I’m also taking applications for people who want to stay in my apartment building for 5-14 days to do personal training and Lifefood Nutritional Fasting.

Just what is Lifefood Nutritional Fasting? It’s another crackpot concept by Luke Cummo’s retard nutritionist Dr Jubb. Who the fuck is Dr Jubb? Here’s a few choice quotes about him:

David Jubb, PhD, is a well known Raw Foodist from New York City. He is originally from Australia, and he claimed at the time to be a “Breatharian.” At the time of this interview in November of 2002 he was telling people that he had not eaten anything for like 6 years or something like that. Personally, I doubted his story completely, and from what I heard from other people, it just was not so.

And here’s another story about Jubb:

The baby son of a urine-drinking East Village health guru to the stars has been taken from his father’s care because the dad failed to bring the boy to a doctor for a fractured ankle. Instead, David Jubb treated the 20-month-old’s fractures by crafting a brace out of chopsticks.

“He did not follow [Administration for Children's Services] instructions to bring the child to the doctor,” said a Family Court source.

I’m all down with Luke Cummo … he’s one of my favorite fighters in the UFC because he’s such a creepy motherfucker. But his nutritional choices are a bit scary, and I do worry that he’s using Dr Jubb’s Lifefood plan to feed his newborn, which is terrifying to say the least. Hey, people are allowed to raise their children however they want. I’m just saying don’t be surprised when this kid grows up to be a barely five feet tall grey skinned mutant.

It wouldn’t be a day in the life of Evan Tanner if something didn’t go wrong. Beware the day you’re with Evan Tanner at 11:55PM and he says “This has been the greatest day of my life!” Because 5 minutes later, a fucking meteor will fall on him, and it’d be best if you weren’t nearby when it hits.

Like a moonshine chaser after a smooth beer, Evan’s triumphant “I just got signed” day has now been tainted with “Some jackhole stole shit from my unlocked car“:

I’m really disappointed. I had some things stolen out of my Land Cruiser last night while it was parked in front of the gym. The UFC had just given me a brand new workout bag full of shirts and beanies, with a personalized engraved name tag. They took that. What I’m most upset about though, is that they took all of my mma trading cards that I sign for the fans and the kids. Come on now, that’s really uncool.

Evan then says “My car will be unlocked again tonight at the gym, please return the things you took.” Ten bucks says the car stereo will be gone tomorrow. I know Evan’s used to boats and I’m unsure if boats have locks on them … but fuck, man! Lock up your shit! You’re in Vegas, sin city, hobo central.

First he didn’t know anything about a fight with Paulo Filho. Now he doesn’t know anything about a fight with Edwin Dewees. Maybe Frank Trigg needs to let random people be his agent because it seems like they’re doing a better job than him at setting up fights:

The UFC and PRIDE veteran, and former Icon Sport middleweight champion, today said that he has no knowledge of a rumored fight with fellow UFC veteran Edwin Dewees. During today’s edition of TAGG Radio, Trigg said he had heard the rumors of the Dec. 15 bout but that he hasn’t even signed with the organization.

There seems to be two Michael Bispings … the smarmy Bisping that tries to come across as a nice guy, and the asshole that just loves to escape and dick everything up. Personally, I prefer Dick Bisping – he’s just bad at being a good guy and so good at being an asshole. Take for example his latest blog about his fight with Rashad Evans, where he really turns up the Dick meter to 11:

I am sure a lot of fans will be gutted that you’re not breaking your tradition of a lifetime and are once again planning on going the distance for a decision win. Punish me for three rounds? You’ve punished the fans enough with your lay and pray antics for 15 minutes at a time. Surely they’ve suffered enough?

And the problem with having a big camp Rashad, is that people in this sport talk, and from what I’ve heard you weren’t in shape even four weeks ago. I’ve also heard that you didn’t even want this fight until the New Year, that mentally you were done for 2007 and just wanted to spend time chilling out.

Your last few lines were comedy gold. Pressure I’ve never felt before? You mean your bodyweight during three rounds lay and pray? Not going to happen, pal.

I shit on this fight because it deserves to be an Ultimate Fight Night bout, not a PPV headliner. But I will admit that I’m looking forward to seeing it and hoping Bisping takes out Rashad. I’ve never been a fan of Rashad, and two knockouts haven’t made me forget what a shitty boring fighter he is most of the time. Say what you will about Bisping, but at least his fights are … ya know, FIGHTS.

I dunno if it’s comforting or not to see that it’s not just MMA fighters and promoters fighting about money and respect. There’s also some kind of pesky dispute between Hollywood producers and writers about pay as well. Speaking as someone who doesn’t make a fifth of what any of these guys make, I’d like to stand up now and say “I hope all of you rich fucks die from ass cancer. Terrible, painful ass cancer.”

But hey, it’s not all reruns and ass cancer … there might be a silver lining to this story. CBS (yep, the smelly old people’s station) is apparently in talks with the UFC to produce some shows to fill in time which would otherwise be used to show reruns of CSI, CSI:Miami, NCIS, and CSI:NY.

Lets not get our hopes up too high though. There’s 1001 ways this deal could fall through and god knows Dana White probably thinks he’s God now that CBS gave him a ring. Questions about new content or old content, live events or event highlights, what happens if the strike ends before UFC stuff is shown abound. Things are way too up in the air right now to assume anything.

But one thing is for sure: If I have to give up on new episodes of House and Grey’s Anatomy so the UFC can hit network TV, then I’m okay with that. So on that note, I hope neither side in this while writer’s strike gives in, forever and ever, amen.

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