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I just thought I’d point out that Rio Heroes has bought out pretty much every blog there is out there. Yesterday I noticed MMAJunkie shilling for the no holds barred company, and today I noticed Five Ounces of Pain linking it with an affiliation code. Now I’ll let things slide a bit with the MMAJunkie guys … for all we know, that site is actually written by robots with no morals or scruples whatsoever. They’ve never pretended to be for or against anything, so I can’t really accuse them of being hypocrites.

On the other hand, Five Ounces of Pain is a very human site that’s just as much commentary as it is reporting. Prior to selling out, the site featured two very negative articles on the promotion. One of those articles even had the gall to call out Sherdog for carrying Rio Heroes banners since Sherdog was associated with ESPN.

Now maybe I’m missing something here, but isn’t Five Ounces of Pain run by one Sam Caplan, a man who’s a regular contributer for CBS Sportsline, head writer for MMA company ProElite, and a member of the would-be sanctioning body WAMMA? That sure seems like a lot of connections to organizations that shouldn’t want to be associated with this dangerous fight promotion. Well, I guess you can take ProElite off the list of people who care because they’re selling ads to Rio Heroes too. But what can you expect from a company that books neo-Nazi fighters for their shows?

Hey, on a personal level I don’t really give a shit about Rio Heroes. It’s pretty terrible with fighters less skilled than you see on IFL and HDNet cards. What I have an issue with is the apparent two-faced position everyone takes: “MMA is safe, we’re all working hard to bring it to the mainstream, blah blah blah blah blah. But we aren’t above taking money and whoring for a company that is the absolute antithesis of what modern MMA is supposed to represent. ”

How can you pretend to be a positive representative for the sport of MMA when you’re encouraging people to support a glorified streetfight? When some Brazilian gutter rat gets crippled or put into a coma, are you all just going to take the banners down quietly and pretend you never promoted this shit?

Rio Heroes embodies everything MMA has worked so hard and long to move away from. By helping Rio Heroes make money, you’re helping set up an environment where there will be more companies holding more insanely unsafe fights. But what’s that??? Laos Heroes will pay 100 bucks to put up banners promoting their 8-boy slave tournament? Fucking sweet. Then never mind the fact that you’re whoring your site and sullying MMA’s reputation. Just sign up and do it. Who the fuck cares.

I figure over the past few weeks I’ve exposed you to way too much man-flesh and not nearly enough ripe jubbly women bits. The jury is still out on if Edith Larente’s got a rogue pair of testes up somewhere in her junk, so ‘she’ doesn’t really count either.

Fortunately for you, the guys at Complex were so traumatized by my photoshoot that they decided the only way to cleanse their palates was to call up UFC All Access host Rachelle Leah and do their own photoshoot. The pictures are aight but the video is really where it’s at. Super secret voyeuristic butt watching footage. Thumbs and other parts up!

Oh, and apparently there’s an ‘interview’ somewhere there as well. Because we all want to know what Rachelle thinks about stuff. Yes.

You’ll never hear me complaining about too many UFC events, but I will complain that they’re not always spaced out the best. Case in point:

  • UFC 80: RAPID FIRE – 01/19/2008
  • UFC Fight Night: Swick vs Burkman – 01/23/2008
  • UFC 81: BREAKING POINT – 02/02/2008

For those of you without a flair for dates, that’s three events in the span of 15 days. And don’t forget that the WEC is scheduled to have an event in February as well. And of course there’s also the Bob Sapp Strikeforce event on the 23rd of February. And whatever EliteXC is up to at the time.

Long story short, there’ll be more MMA than you can shake a stick at! Which is totally awesome so long as we don’t have another two month drought like we did in 2007. I still have nightmares thinking back to those long nights in May and June where I actually contemplated WATCHING IFL BATTLEGROUND! I’d rather be stuck on top of a mountain being forced to eat the bodies of my comrades than go through that again.

Now this is the kind of freakshow match I like to see: tiny skilled dudes vs gigantic monsters of dubious ability. Freakshows don’t really bother me at all … my only problem is when they scrap competitive potential matches in favor of a stupid matches. Fedor vs everyone comes to mind. You just shouldn’t be wasting the time of top-5 pound for pound talent with promotional stunts. But Ikuhisa Minowa vs   Zuluzinho? Now that’s something I can get behind.

Minowaman seems to love these kinds of matchups … the dude has been in more freakshow matches than anyone else I know. He’s never had a problem fighting people 50+ pounds heavier than he was, but it wasn’t until he moved from Pancrase to PRIDE that he gained a reputation for challenging giants. Giant Silva, Kimo, Mirko CroCop, Butterbean, Bart Gunn, and Min Soo Kim are just some of the big boys Minowa has tangled with. And even in defeat, you can’t help but admire his heart. The dude can take a beating.

As for   the fatty Zuluzinho, who cares about him. He’s just a prop, an obstacle the smaller fighter must get past in order for everyone to feel inspired. That’s why putting guys like Crocop and Fedor against these guys isn’t exciting … their skill and size negates any advantage the freaks bring to the table by being freaks. So line me up some more crazy Japanese bastards who are willing to go toe to toe with super-heavyweight behemoths. I’m down like brown for that shit!

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