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I never figured out what the fuck to call these guys: The International Fighting Organization, Steel Cage Promotions, or Fireworks in the Cage. Regardless, it seems like it doesn’t matter any more because they’re now officially kaput. This has been a bad freaking week or two for upstart promotions: Bonecrunch promotions lasted about as long as it probably took for it’s retarded owners to pick their stupid promotion name. And let’s not forget that ProElite stock took a kick to the nuts late last week, going from $15 to $3.

All in all, a more negative and cynical person might be tempted to say the bubble has popped and MMA is no longer society’s new pet rock. Me, I’d like to remind everyone that it’s never been an MMA revolution, it’s always been a UFC revolution. Of course, things could change in an instant depending on what happens with the networks during the writer’s strike.

Not content to bore the fuck out of everyone in the Octagon, Yushin Okami has been striving to be as banal as possible in blog form too. Thank god for the return of Suki, who translates Japanese fighter blogs for us all to read. Here’s the exciting excerpts from the past few days:

** Jan 28 **
I went Yokohama to pick up my passport.   I washed my passport with my laundry and my passport got worn out.   When I went to the U.S. Embassy, an officer asked me to get a new passport, otherwise I will be refused to enter the U.S..   So, I applied for a new passport even though my passport was valid for 5 more years.   I got a new passport today and I can apply for a visa for my next fight!   Now I need to get ready for a medical check.

** Jan 29 **
I cannot believe this.   I had a delivery today.   An envelope delivered today looked familiar to me.   It was the envelope which I put the visa application and my passport in and mailed to the U.S. embassy yesterday.   I wondered why that envelope was here and checked out the label.   I wrote my address as a receiver and put the address of the U.S. embassy as a sender!   This is very important documents and sent by a courier.   I worry about myself now and wonder if I can pass the medical check.

Of course, it would be very awesome if Okami wasn’t able to fight Evan Tanner at UFC82 because his passport ended up in the spin cycle.

Is there a better way to resume blogging transmissions on than with Cecil People’s infamous fight-starting Chicken Karate Chop? I don’t think so. So as Cecil would say, “Let’s do this thing!” Well, maybe he says that. Don’t think just because I took a few days off that I’m back any less lazy about fact checking than before.

Okay, you all might be wondering what the fuck is up with no updates yesterday or today. I’m sure at this point you’re all pretty sick of hearing about my ass problems but it looks like they’ve taken a more serious turn. Results from a test taken on Thursday have come back and I’m going into the hospital in about an hour to get a colonoscopy, which is basically where they jam a gigantic rod up my ass to look for cancer.

While nothing is for sure right now, the news is certainly a bummer. I’ve basically been sitting around feeling pretty crappy, and not even the UFC Fight Night prelim fights could cheer me up. I’ve tried writing a few articles but they’ve all sucked so I’m just going to take the day off and deal with this shit so I can come back tomorrow refocused and actually give a crap about what’s going on in MMA.

I don’t know whether to feel proud or ashamed. We give UFC ring girl Edith Larente a brutal hard time around here, but we never really expected the whole ‘horseface’ nickname to take off across the MMA scene like it has. Of course, if the saddle fits….

In honor of our favorite ring girl who never fails to give us something to talk about, here are our fellow Jackals’ top reasons that Edith Larente missed the UFC80 weigh-ins:

  1. She hurt her leg-..they had no choice but to put her down.
  2. She had no shoes to wear; they were all still at the blacksmith’s.
  3. Silly people, horses can’t fly in planes, she has to be shipped over in a ship, which takes longer.
  4. The UFC refused to put hay in her contract under food allowance.
  5. Since the Elephant Man, England has strict controls on exhibiting freaks.
  6. Edith only does PPVs and not promos because she’s not used to giving it away for free.
  7. She forgot to take our her junk-piercing at the airport and is now working as an escort in Gitmo.
  8. Still waiting in quarantine with two german shepherds and a shitzu.
  9. EU labor laws don’t allow horses to do the work of humans.
  10. Strict laws in England protect their hookers from foreign competition.

Extra props go to Jemaleddin, Accomando, Kentyman, Dignan, and Operatorfor being the most evil of the bunch. You truly are jackals of the worst stripe!

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