BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS! Apparently somebody farted during Joe Rogan’s post-fight interview with Anderson Silva. The fart is approximately 10 seconds in, right after Joe Rogan says “and his translator Ed Sourza, uh…”. It took me a few watches of the above video to hear it but once you notice it, it’s hard to miss.

Of course, the Internets were born specifically for moments like this, and it only took a few days for this story to become bigger than the Randy Couture situation and the Chuck / Wanderlei fight. I’m not sure if it’s bigger than Brock Lesnar, mainly because farting and pro wrestlers are of equal interest to fucking retards across the web.

Here’s one thing, though: Joe Rogan denies he was the farter.

I can’t believe this thread and topic are still alive, but here goes: I didn’t fart, and I wasn’t aware of a fart or a fart noise until reading about it on the net. I’m not even sure that’s real, but from the look on Ed’s face it really does seem like he heard something. If it was me, I would have had to laugh and apologize :)

I had a lot of fun at UFC 77, but from a technical perspective the fights weren’t exactly the most electrifying things in the world. Past the shortlived Belcher fight and the Rich Franklin beatdown, there wasn’t too much that tickled my tinkle – ya know, scratched my fight itch?

Fortunately this weekend isn’t too bad for MMA if you don’t mind not knowing who most of the fighters are. There’s a ShoXC event tonight, and over in Korea there’s a K-1 OLYMPIA HERO KOREA event, which I think is probably MMA in either Greece or Korea. I dunno if I saw the fight card for that or an asian restaurant menu, but I did see Denis Kang on there, who I hear is delicious when dipped in sweet and sour sauce.

So that’ll be my plan this weekend as far as MMA goes. I’ll try to post some stuff on the site but honestly it seems like the entire MMA community has blown it’s collective load over all this Randy / Brock / Wanderlei shit. Right now there’s literally nothing else going on to talk about, and honestly I think I’ve written a novella on this already so unless something new happens over the weekend, I ain’t talking bout randy no more. The end.

But hey, if you guys have some suggestions for blog entries, please tell me in the comments here and if they’re not totally weird or gay (Mike O, I’m looking at you) I’ll be happy to write about them.

There were 1001 questions regarding Brock Lesnar on the UFC conference call yesterday, and most of them were fawning fanboy questions without any teeth which resulted in very little ‘red meat’, as Zach Arnold likes to say at least 15 times a week.

The main facts coming from the call are that Brock will most likely be fighting on the Superbowl show in February, and that ‘no opponent has been chosen’. I put that last bit in quotes because the day before this call Brock Lesnar said he DID know who he was gonna fight. Hmmmmmm.

Well, one thing is for sure: if the UFC plans to do their Superbowl show in Vegas like they did last year, they could have serious trouble sanctioning anything but the lamest of bouts. What you say? Someone set us up the bomb??? Yep! There’s this thing called the NSAC, and their job is to suck all the fun out of everything relating to combat sports. One thing they definitely don’t let happen is matches between guys with a large disparity in their MMA records.

So say you’ve got a guy with 1 MMA fight worth of experience … the NSAC definitely isn’t going to let him fight anyone with more than 10 MMA fights under their belts. Hell, the NSAC wasn’t even going to let Frank Mir fight Tim Sylvia again (yeah they denied they ‘officially’ said it but ya know they did, those cocksuckers).

And of course, the NSAC were the ones that canned Butterbean vs Mark Hunt on account of Hunt’s ‘superior ground skills’. Haha, the only time Mark spends on the ground is if he’s licking crumbs off the floor. Or nearly subbing Fedor, but we don’t talk about that for fear Fedor’s lovers will attack us.

There’s oodles of examples where the NSAC has denied fights based on record differences or general skill assessments. On the other hand, last year’s Superbowl show had some controversy over the fact that they sanctioned Eddie Sanchez (7-0) to get executed by Mirko Crocop (21-4). Perhaps it’ll be a Superbowl tradition that the NSAC bends the rules every year to allow fights they really shouldn’t.

Continuing on yesterday’s edition of Randy Math, we now have a copy of Randy’s fight agreement which includes his PPV breakdown. Because it’s kinda hard to figure out without a calculator, here’s how it works:

Up to 100k buys= Nothing
100k – 175k buy = 75k buys @ $1 = 75k
175k – 300k buys = 125k buys @ $1.50 = 187k
300k – 330k buys = 30k buys @ $2 = 60k
330k+ buys = 170k buys @ $3 = 510k

Total amount = 832k

Randy mentioned that he still hadn’t received all the money from the UFC regarding the Sylvia fight (something about residuals still coming in), so perhaps this explains why his contract says he made 300,000 dollars more than he said he made during the contract.

What’s funny is that Kevin Iole said he made 1.1 million and Randy said he made half a million. Both parties are off by roughly three hundred thousand dollars according to the above contract. It amuses me to think they’re both just as wrong as the other.

*UPDATE* I should get a C- in Randy Math … I had the $1.50 buys adding up to 156 rather than 187. Thanks Leland for pointing out my ineptitude with Microsoft Calculator!

Surprise surprise, it’s time for another article talking about what total cockheads the guys at Yahoo Sports are. I know it’s getting a bit repetitive, but I’ve been told by a lot of people that I’m an ‘influencer’, and as terrifying as that concept is, I might as well use this lame ass ‘power’ to make the world a better place. With great power comes great responsibility, as Uncle Ben always said. Well, he used to say until he was killed by the Sandman. Now I just think of him whenever I microwave rice. It’s sad.

I’ve gotten over the fact that the writers at Yahoo are shills. Sure, it’s not exactly something I respect about them, but I can understand it. While licking the toe jam off Dana’s feet, you also get fed whatever crumbs of info or propaganda Daddy White feels like sharing. Yahoo wants exclusive content that will draw readers, and they definitely get it. *Everyone* knows that Kevin Iole is the mouthpiece for the UFC, so Yahoo has established itself as the place to go to hear Dana White’s opinions on whatever story is in the news.

But what I haven’t gotten over is the fact that Kevin Iole consistently reports shit for facts. He sticks to the lies told to him by the UFC even when it’s in direct contradiction of reality. And he’s not even quoting Dana White as backup for these lies … he writes them directly as if they were facts. The latest and greatest example of this was his bullshit calculation of Randy Couture’s contract, valuing it at 4 times more than it really was.

Even in his follow up article Iole fudges the numbers Couture gave, adding an extra half a million dollars to what Couture said he made on the Sylvia fight. Couture said 250k flat, 500k PPV bonus, and 500k locker room bonus. Iole said Randy got a million off the PPV. And that dumb fuck was front fucking row at the fucking conference. The rest of the MMA world managed to get it right and most of us were listening to a ProElite stream that sounded like someone talking through a 10 foot metal tube full of socks.

Don’t even get me started on Kevin’s retarded hyperbole into a fictional Plan B Couture apparently has in his head to break his contract and fight for M-1. Things have gotten to a point now where Kevin Iole has about as much legitimacy in the MMA world as a midget fight league would. So it’s not even really necessary to try and discredit what he says … most MMA fans know he’s full of shit before they even read his articles now. Fuck, almost all the people I know read his columns specifically to see what dumb wrong shit he’s going to say next.

Yahoo’s MMA reporting has all the legitimacy you’d expect from a second rate search engine trying to break into the news world. It’s pretty sad when Yahoo has to hire a PRO WRESTLING writer to try and bring legitimacy back to their coverage. But that’s exactly where we are. Dave Meltzer is another “Friend of Dana”, and while you can say he’s got a generally positive bias towards the UFC, I haven’t heard of any incidents where he’s taken a steaming shit all over his integrity like Iole seems to on a weekly basis. So I guess we’ll see what happens. But one thing is for sure … I’m not about to get tired of calling these morons out for their bullshit ‘journalism’.

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