Just a quick reminder that the UFC is pulling out all the freaking stops for UFC Fight Night 13. They just officially announced a number of rumored fights, making the card officially the most insane card in SpikeTV history. Check this shit out:
Officially announced bouts for UFC Fight Night 13:
-Kenny Florian vs. Joe Lauzon
-Karo Parisyan vs. Thiago Alves
-Matt Hamill vs. Stephan Bonnar
-Marcus Aurelio vs. Spencer Fisher
-Din Thomas vs. Josh Neer
-Clay Guida vs. Samy Schiavo
-Tommy Speer vs. Anthony Johnson
Rumored bouts, not yet officially announced:
-Frankie Edgar vs. Gray Maynard
-Houston Alexander vs. James Irvin
“Hey Fightlinker” you say. “This does me no goods. Spike TV will only show like 4 fights. That sucks!” Not so, my friend. There’s a chance that we could be seeing more than that:
That [a three hour show] has been kicked around the office. It is up to Spike. We have suggested it,” said Dana White.
So now we have a chance to do something good. Before I urged you all to support the Keith Jardine Techno Viking petition. But deep down in our hearts we all new Keith was too much of a welly to ever go through with it. So now I say we do something that may actually make a difference. Let’s contact Spike and harass them until they agree to make UFC Fight Night 13 a three hour show. Their email is firstname.lastname@example.org
If you’re too lazy to write a real letter, you can copy and paste this one:
Subject: UFC Fight Night 13 on April 2nd
Dear Benevolent Spike TV Executives
How about making UFC Fight Night on April 2nd a three hour show instead of two? I don’t know if you pay attention to stuff like this (you are probably pretty busy finding manswers to all our questions), but the fight card is pretty damn spectacular. I don’t know how ratings work, but I am confident in saying that if you make this show one hour longer, your ratings will quadrouple. Hell, they’ll probably tetracize. This results in more money for you, which you can spend on more James Bond marathons or more golden beds full of hot women. And it will also result in more happiness and joy for us, your loyal MMA watching fan.
So please, make UFC Fight Night on April 2nd a three hour show instead of two. You say that you are a network for men. It is time to prove this claim. Help me Spike TV, you’re my only hope. That was a star wars reference. Sweet.
Insert your name here.
As a side note, they’re actually pretty good at responding to emails they receive. I wrote them a long letter regarding their scaling back of Star Trek shows and they responded quite politely (even though I used the word ‘asshole’ and ‘space-jews’ a lot). They were also nice enough not to add me onto some shitty network email list, which is more than I can say about the UFC’s contact email.
SPREAD THE WORD, PEOPLE. LETS MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
**UPDATE** Xavier has done another great email you can send instead:
Hello Spike peoples,
You are going to show UFC Fight Night 13. You are going to make it three hours long, rather than two hours long. I can speak confidently about you making it three hours long because I have just told you to do so. FN13 is a stacked card. I wish to see all of these fights live. You may wonder why you will do this simply because I told you to.
You will do it because if you do, I will watch all your awful commercials. Yes, even the awful f’n body spray stupid commercials you show, and even the stupid horror movie commercials you show. I’ll even be nice enough to watch your commercials for other shows on your network, like the dumb shows where males go ga-ga about oversized breasts and where animals attack alien warships and crap in the “unstaged” real wilderness home movies.
I will watch all of those commercials over the three hour period and you will show all the fights over that three hours. That will be our devil’s bargain. Otherwise, I will DVR your show and skip your crappy commercials.
This is a fair deal, please signify your acceptance by the end of February.