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I like Mark Kerr as a person, but seriously … what the fuck is he doing fighting anymore? Watching him fight is like watching Ric Flair limp around the wrestling ring with his orange skin and floppy cock bulging out of his tights. In other words, it’s kinda depressing. And gross. Not arousing at all. No no no. Bad thoughts go away. 2 girls 1 cup! 2 girls 1 cup!

In fact, the entire event Mark is fighting at is pretty depressing. It features Tiki (no wins since 2004), Warpath (punching bag of the stars), and Carmello Marrero (who layed n prayed his way out of the UFC). I seriously hope there’s some kind of psychiatrist’s convention across the street where these guys are gonna go after to try and get their collective heads out of their asses. Overall they’ve all got interesting gimmicks and it would be great if they stopped sucking.

Well, it’s official: UFC80 is happening in Newcastle England on January 19th. Headlining fights are BJ vs Joe for the bullshit interim lightweight title and Werdum vs Gonzaga, which should be pretty good unless both fighters hide in their respective corners afraid that a loss will send them packing from the UFC.

Other interesting bouts include Sam Stout vs some Swedish guy named Per, and Marcus Davis vs Jess Liaudin. These two bouts should be slugfests, and I’m glad to see the UK getting another UFC75-quality card rather than the shit they got in Ireland. Big question now of course is whether SpikeTV is gonna show this or not. Fingers crossed!

Here’s the card so far, and I’m very glad the UFC has gotten off it’s ass and started booking the 2008 shows up.

-B.J. Penn vs. Joe Stevenson (UFC LW Interim Title)
-Gabriel Gonzaga vs. Fabricio Werdum
-Kendall Grove vs. Jorge Rivera
-Sam Stout vs. Per Eklund
-Marcus Davis vs. Jeff Liaudin
-Antoni Hardonk vs. Colin Robinson

**Update** According to the studious individuals at MMAJunkie, there will also be a battle of the Pauls in the form of “Paul Taylor (8-2-1 MMA, 1-1 UFC) and Paul Kelly (6-0 MMA, 0-0 UFC)”

This is perhaps the most important petition ever started on the internet.

We want Keith Jardine to perform TechnoViking as his entrace to the octagon. We agree, that if he does this, it would:

a) Raise his stock 5000% b) Make all girls want to marry him 500 times c) Make all men feel insecure in his presence d) Make the name “Jardine” a holy name, which thou shalt not take in vain, lest the Dean smite thee e) Make Goldy wonder what’s going on f) Make his opponent intimidated, by sheer awe of his entrance

For those of you who didn’t know, the above video is the ‘Techno Viking’ video in all it’s glory. I would die with glee if Jardine ever had the sense of humor to come into a fight a la Techno Viking. Oh, and don’t worry … this video is no ‘2 girls 1 cup’.

Today is ‘shit on fighters’ day, apparently. This post’s victim is EliteXC welterweight (or whatever his stupid weight is) contender KJ Noons. I’m not a big fan of Noons’ … he’s had some success in boxing and kickboxing but his only significant win so far in MMA was against Edson Berto, who is respectable but nowhere near top quality MMA.

Gary Shaw has been working his ass off trying to build Noons up as a star in a similar fashion to Gina Carano. Except now I guess Gary’s decided to throw Noons into the deep end against Nick Diaz to see what happens. I don’t know exactly what Noons has done to earn this fight / title shot … once again, I think this shows a lack of depth in EliteXC’s roster.

I don’t really mind that much because I’ll enjoy watching Nick punk this bitch. But I do feel bad for Diaz. To come off a win against one of the top lightweights in the world and now be stuck fighting scrubs must be pretty damned frustrating. Not only does Nick not get any props for beating these guys, he’s putting his rep on the line every time he steps into the cage to fight. If he gets caught and knocked out by one of these upstart challengers, that would do hella damage to his rep. These fights are all risk and no gain for him.

On the surface, putting Brock Lesnar up against Frank Mir in his first UFC bout may seem like a pretty ballsy move. Of course, that’s only because everyone keeps forgetting Frank Mir sucks cheesy balls. And no, I don’t think that statement only applies to post-accident Mir. Honestly, I don’t think Frank Mir has ever been half as good as everyone has always made him out to be.

Like Vitor Belfort, fans never know ‘which guy’ is gonna show up when Frank Mir fights: The fatty fat fat lazy fucker, or the relatively in shape lazy fucker? Either way, it’s gonna take a pretty big fluke for Brock Lesnar to lose to Frank Mir.

So hey … congrats to the UFC! You guys picked the perfect dude to set Brock Lesnar up with. Beating a former UFC champ gives you instant cred, even if Mir’s tenure as title holder was spent in a hospital half dead. And hey, beat Mir and people are going to say “Wow, Lesnar has the ability to beat guys with a solid ground game.”

Bullshit. The only reason Frank Mir hasn’t washed out of the UFC already is because he’s balls deep with UFC brass. I’m sure he’s not thrilled at the idea of having to fight Brock Lesnar, but hey … Zuffa did him a favor by hooking him up as a WEC commentator, so one good turn deserves another, right? Mir already did a pretty good job of validating Brandon Vera’s overhyped reputation. So why not Lesnar too?

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