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Remember back in the day when the IFL was that nice promotion that treated fighters well and took care of them? Well, fuck that shit. Lately things have been a little bit different for the tanking organization. Basically, I think they realized smiles and rainbows don’t pay the bills.

What does? Superstar fighters like Andre Gusmao! So rather than let Andre head to the UFC as has been reported over the past few weeks, the IFL has decided to exercise an option on his contract that lets them lock him into the IFL’s 2008 season. Things get even weirder from there:

The UFC had been in discussions with someone falsely claiming to be representing Gusmao and misrepresenting information during the faux negotiations. According to the source, the UFC was contacted by the IFL soon after hearing the reports of Gusmao’s departure.

The UFC, which had never extended a formal offer and never made an official announcement, ceased all negotiations with Gusmao after being contacted by the IFL.

Remember, folks. There’s always at least two sides to every story: what people want you to believe and the truth. In this case my spidey senses are pointing towards Gusmao attempting to sneak out the backdoor and getting sucked back into the IFL because of a shitty contract.

You know, sometimes I look in the mirror and think “Ryan, are you being too big of a cocksucker? Do you enjoy feeding off the pain of others too much?” And then the man in the mirror says “Man up, you fucking loser. Don’t make me trap you in here Heroes style while I keep things rolling on the site!”

And I guess the mirror is right: there’s nothing wrong with being an asshole. After all, Mac Danzig is an asshole too! So much that I’m declaring him an honorary Jackal for the consistant shit talking in his TUF blog. Check out these extracts from this week’s blog, all devoted to douche almighty Richie Hightower:

Somehow, in the fight recaps, Richie is again praised for not getting destroyed as bad as everyone expected, disregarding the fact that George had a virtually no-win situation on his hands fighting someone four to five levels below him. It’s like a professional chess player playing against a toddler with an extra chromosome, and when the toddler takes a pawn before losing, everyone praises him for it. In that case: Great job, Richie! You are an inspiration to us all.

Richie would make one hell of a great T-Ball player.

He says that “my bark is louder than my bite.” I have to laugh at that. This is coming from a guy who submitted by whining like a little girl into George’s anal cavity while kicking his feet like Fay Wray in “King Kong.”

The UFC seems to be getting clogged up with fighters who can win on any given night but aren’t about to be champions any time soon. No fighter fits this bill more than Shonie Carter. He’ll beat any fighter in the UFC just to prove that he can, but doesn’t have the consistancy to ever become a contender. There’s not too much you can do with a guy like Shonie, and he’s getting sick of waiting for the UFC to figure out what they want from him:

“They want me to sit back on my thumbs and get older and older, but I’m not 25; I’m 35. If the UFC is not going to put me on, then fucking cut me. I want my UFC Hall of Fame award, but ain’t no award, no medal, no plaque or no belt paying my bills. It’s to that point and I’m like, this is some bullshit. ”

“Dana White can give himself a 5 million dollar raise and a $700,000 swimming pool and Monte Cox just got himself a brand new Cadillac Escalade and a 1.8 million dollar house and I’m like, motherfucker, I’m trying to upgrade to a 2 bedroom apartment. I’m like, what the fuck man; none of those guys have taken one punch. Well, Monte may have because he’s done some boxing, but that’s pussy ass boxing.”

If you ask me, Shonie should do what every fighter with some name recognition should do: Give Ken Pavia a call. If Ken can hook Sean Salmon up with double digit matches, imagine what he can do with Shonie?

Like many other people, I enjoy a good “Chuck is high” joke. Who doesn’t love watching Chuck thrash around in his seat while watching fights? Or when he goes on talk shows completely fucked out of his tree on random medications? And hey, now lets add “showing up to award shows looking like he smoked all the weed in Vancouver”. Hang ten, Chuck. Hang ten indeed.

As with all things media related, I must bow to the MMA Fever boys for this pic. Someday I’ll buy them out and then fire them, Pride-style. Then they will re-emerge with another random website and I will go “Curses! Well at least I have the tape library.”

The big news in Finance land is that Zuffa’s credit rating has dropped from a BB to a BB-. If you aren’t a monocle wearing banker, you might not know what that means. In an effort to pretend to know what we’re talking about, we went to the poor man’s encyclopedia (Wikipedia is da bomb!) to do a little bit more research on Bond Credit Rating. What I read will shock and disturb you to the very core of your being! Or not. It’s actually pretty dull.

The credit rating of a corporation is based on their credit worthiness relative to it’s annual income compared to it’s debt. So that’s how much they make vs how much they owe. Of course, debt is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes companies use debt as a reflection of their future purchasing power. Credit Rating Agencies take stock of a company, and assign different ratings based on the relative financial risk of investors … aka is this company gonna tank and keep my cheddah?

Zuffa had a BB rating, which indicated a high risk, or “speculative” rating, but has since been downgraded to BB-. Why? Well, I can only guess that it was do to stagnant growth caused by:

  • a string of shitty fucking cards we’ve been handed
  • the feces sandwich that is “interim belt” fights due to constant injury or steroid “malfunctions”
  • “Contender” bouts (if they give us another “top 5″ fight, I’m personally going to kidnap White’s children and sell their organs to the Chinese).
  • Burning a big pile of money labeled “UK Expansion”
  • Big stars falling
  • New stars stalling
  • Dana White being a smelly head

Credit Rating Companies also usually try to also offer guidance as to where the future of the rating might sit. So far, things are looking pretty neutral, which means that unless they change their tune, it’s likely to fall again.

So the summary is this: According to Credit Rating agencies, Zuffa is a high risk company that doesn’t show signs of getting more stable. Fair enough. But before we go shitting all over it, consider that Microsoft doesn’t even have a AAA rating. At the very worst, fewer retards will be lending money to the company. On the positive side, this could stop Dana and Zuffa from thinking that everything they touch turns to pure gold. This could mean more interesting and relavent PPVs and better matches being made more consistantly.

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